Can't Do It Anymore

HappyJerk · 2014-03-18T15:33:07+00:00

First of all, stop drinking.

Second, quit this idea of "gaming" girls. It's a horrible thing that has creeped into the PUA world. When I talk to girls I am not "gaming" them. I am just talking to them like I would anybody else. Now, if I like them and I think they like me, I will ask them on a date and then shift the frame, but even then, I am still acting like a regular person. So, you, in your pathetic, sorry state can still talk to girls - you don't have to "game" them. If they "reject" you (which is also not a real thing) then that's their problem because you were just being a nice guy and talking to them.

ARealSocialIdiot · 2014-03-18T15:46:00+00:00

I'm gonna give you some tough love here, so you'll have to take this with the knowledge that I'm doing it with your best interests in mind.

Dude. You're better than this. Why the hell would you ever base your self worth on how other people react to you? If you can't even be aware of your own gifts and talents, and what you offer to the world, you can't ever expect to be able to interact with women in a meaningful way. Your entire self esteem model isn't self esteem at all, it's other-people-esteem, given that you can only see yourself in terms of the rejections from women.

This is truly a case of "if you can't be happy with yourself, you'll never be happy with other people." To use a cliché, if you can't love yourself, you can't expect others to love you either.

So what do you do? Well, there's two things you can do in this situation. I can guarantee you, though, that with your attitude, you won't be happy with either of them. The first is that you start focusing on pickup from a technical standpoint instead of from an inner-game standpoint. In other words, your focus should be on outer game. (This answer will NOT be popular with a lot of sedditors, the majority of whom seem to think that technique is irrelevant in modern pickup and that all you have to do is be confident and talk to women, which is frankly untrue, in my opinion.) Learn the traditional models for pickup, focusing heavily on old school ideas like Mystery Model, where your path will be Attraction->Comfort->Seduction utilizing traditional methods. Despite what people will tell you, this model DOES still work, though a lot of the actual lines and gambits are outdated, so it requires a good deal of tweaking in "modern" times.

The other option is that you stop trying to pick up women altogether. I mean absolutely stop, fuhgeddaboudit. Your self esteem is so bad that you can't afford to allow yourself to get a single rejection without feeling like you're worthless. You need to take some time and work on you in a serious way. Find hobbies that you're good at and can be passionate about, discover yourself by doing things that aren't related to women, figure out what you're good at and what you can offer to society as a whole. Find things that are fun to do. The secret is in realizing that there are things that you contribute to the world that are totally unrelated to the ways other people see you. The more you can understand that a complete stranger's opinion of you doesn't matter worth a fuck, the better.

In short, you need to be able to grasp the concept that some woman you've never met means absolutely nothing to you. When you can walk away from an interaction with a woman thinking to yourself "Whatever, it doesn't matter what she thinks of me, I'm still worthy," you'll be in a better place.

And if you can't figure out a way to do that, then you're truly a lost cause. But I know you can, because everybody has some kind of worth.

TheSicilianDude · 2014-03-18T15:49:48+00:00

I just can't take the rejections, even small shit like getting rejected to dance at a club, I take it way too personally due to the low self esteem and it affects it more than it should (increases tenfold when I'm drinking).

1) You should not take rejections personally. If you have the balls to approach a girl and she rejects, it is usually HER, not you. And if it is you, you need to work on your composure and body language.

2) Stop drinking when you're meeting girls. Or limit yourself to 2 drinks. A drunk guy is sloppy when it comes to picking up women. And if you really want to drink, then take the night off and don't meet girls, just have fun.

3) Your inner game will improve with time, as long as you keep forcing yourself out there and getting experience. I promise that.

Edit: 4) Tell yourself this: "Rejections will happen. They are inevitable. Every guy who ever got good with girls faced LOTS of rejection and still does today." Say it out loud. Once you accept this reality, rejections become way less of a big deal.

big_ol_dickhead · 2014-03-18T16:01:27+00:00

Girls are human. There's a million different reasons they might or might not like you. It's not personal. I guarantee you're not projecting the good things about yourself when you're in your head.

The thing is, the best way to overcome this block is to get out and approach. Body language isn't who you are, but it's what people quickly judge when seeing how comfortable you are. So take the time to work on it objectively. This shit doesn't have to be a personal catastrophe because a girl wasn't attracted to you. Look at what happened and improve.

It's not easy. Remember you're not some label, fat or fit or shy or whatever the hell. You're a series of events that is forever changing. Ask physics.

It's never personal. A girl doesn't hate you, she doesn't give a fuck. She makes a decision based on a few factors, because she doesn't know you, except that you're not comfortable talking to her. Don't hold onto your body language and mannerisms like they're a delicate flower that turns to dust at rejection.

Ego sucks.

BabiesThinkImCute · 2014-03-18T17:22:58+00:00

Self improve first. Don't even worry about picking up at all. Whether you are looking for a bunch of one night stands, or a solid relationship, no one will want to be with you, if you don't like who you are. Feel great about yourself without women, and they will feel great with you.

After you have done that rejection will not phase you as much I assume. Personally I went through a terrible breakup where I was left for another guy, so after facing rejection like that it became fairly easy to shrug off rejection of all sorts. Also like others have said it likely has nothing to do with you a lot of the time, at the Maddy (fellow Torontonian) this Saturday, I got blown off by three or four girls right off the bat, It didn't phase me and by the end of the night I had 3 K-closes and 4 numbers (mind you I cant remember who two of them are).

Again focus on being happy with yourself first. Lose weight, its not as hard as you think, and after you do it you will feel amazing and unstoppable, I lost 30lbs a few years ago over 2 months and it was a huge confidence booster.

If you think getting approval from girls through PUA is a way to feel better about yourself I think you should be looking into other avenues.

ThePUA_Baddie · 2014-03-18T15:48:51+00:00

Get rejected more. Your reality is so warped right now. Once you've been out in the field and you've experienced a fuckload of shit you literally stop giving as much fucks because you're living in a new reality. Get to that reality and push yourself to approach no matter how harsh you think the rejections are now.

Paul_Apprentice · 2014-03-18T15:08:55+00:00

It's a concurrent thing, it feeds (and when you're low it eats each other) it's going to take the rest of your life to maintain your inner game, but all you need is a good bump up to build on your life's confidence and begin to lead a full enriched life.

So, fine you're shifting your focus off women for now, you should never just focus to the point of tunnel vision. Let it be and be excellent, women, friends and a full life will build from that.

bl1y · 2014-03-18T16:21:38+00:00

8 year old kid wants to be a professional baseball player some day, but he's clearly not tall enough, strong enough, fast enough, doesn't have the coordination, and on top of all that, a 60 mph fastball scares the shit out of him, so you can imagine how he'd run away crying from a 90 mph professional pitch.

So what do you tell the kid, just to wait until he's bigger and stronger, and then start working on how to play baseball?

No! You send him to the little leagues so he can learn skills while he's growing so that when he finally is grown he doesn't have to start from scratch.

If you wait until your inner game is fixed, you're going to have zero outer game, then you'll go out, get rejected based on a lack of outer game skills, and that will shoot your inner game to hell. Also, you'll probably never fully fix your inner game, so you're going to be stuck procrastinating until you're too old to get it up any more and end up fat and alone forever.

StupidWes · 2014-03-18T17:15:23+00:00

Bro, inner game is an absolutely necessary fundamental. I think everything else is derived from that, and it sounds to me like yours is sorely lacking. But if you think it's going to take years, you're probably not approaching it as efficiently as you can. Feel free to hit me up if you want to talk inner game mate.

SwordfshII · 2014-03-18T17:36:32+00:00

Listen, I tend to go in and out of seduction/pickup, and something I have realized is THE ONLY thing that matters in it is how you feel. It determines how much fun you have, and your success.

I often take time to not chase women at all and just improve myself and get my mind right, and the girls always come of their own accord.

As for you. STOP FUCKING AROUND and lose the weight and feel better about yourself. Shit I used to be fat and lost 70lbs in about 7-8 months a few years back... IT DOESN"T TAKE YEARS. You just have to put in the damn effort, nobody can do it but you. The sad sob story won't get you results, so sack the fuck up and do what needs to be done.

That being said I would be happy to help you with a diet plan/workout routine.

2014-03-18T17:37:12+00:00

I'd echo most of what people said here, but in addition I'll try to add something new.

It's a numbers game, just like applying for jobs. Talk to one new girl a week and then boom, all 4 girls you talk to in a month didn't work out. Talk to a few girls a week and all of a sudden it's like 15+ a month, and even if they don't work out, it's not as personal because each individual one means less... each individual is a smaller part and that will help you dissociate it from being personal.

And of course, the more girls you talk to the more chance you have of landing one, whether thats just a one nighter or getting a number or a date or whatever you want.

It's all a numbers game, dude.

puaCurveBall · 2014-03-18T17:38:12+00:00

Hello, this post is getting removed for being too basic and already answered.

Your post is answered in the SIDEBAR

I would also recommend reading 10-20 of the top posts on Seddit: FOUND HERE

If you really want an answer, then please repost in /r/askseddit (not askReddit, but ask SEDDIT).

Thank you!

Toronto17 · 2014-03-18T21:01:01+00:00

Cheers for the responses boys, appreciate the brutal honesty (even bigfike) 'cause it's needed. I guess I probably should have included in the OP that I'm actually trying to improve myself (inner game, getting into shape, the whole 9 yards) but, I was just really frustrated at the hardships you need to go through just to be the person you want to be (Yeah, I know, no shit). Anyway, I was definitely being over-dramatic but, I really appreciate the advice as I am taking it to heart

mbillion · 2014-03-18T15:57:44+00:00

Fake it until you make it

daddy01 · 2014-03-18T16:34:45+00:00

Fellow Torontonian here. (for the rest of you, Toronto does have an accurate rep as being one of the most unfriendly cities). I don’t disagree with ARealSocialIdiot, but my advice will be quite different.

Lose weight. Get your doctor to write you a referral to Dr. Poon’s weight loss, this way it’s covered by OHIP. Follow it; you’ll lose weight fast and you’ll be preparing food several hours a day so there will be no time to wallow in self-pity. While you are at your doctor’s, ask him if it’s safe for you to start working out at a gym, if so, GO!!
While I agree that you need to get your self-esteem raised up several notches, in the mean time target girls that “in your current league”. Get some pics that don’t show your weight; photo-shop if necessary, and go nuts on OKQ or POF. There are tons (pardon the pun) of overweight girls in the TO area that want the D bad. It’s a numbers game; and obviously there can’t reject you on-line based on weight if they don’t see it. When you realize all the pussy that’s waiting for you out there, you will be even more encouraged. Ya, I know a lot of guys here put down on-line, because it’s too easy, but hey “baby steps”.
Spend whatever other free time reading a good PUA book; The Game or Models. This sub is great, but read the guides (right hand margin) first before trying to make sense of the random posts.
Make a commitment right now to post again in exactly one week on the progress you've made.

You need to make a choice right now: Do I want to be a fat slob sitting in front of my monitor with Fritos, Cheetos and Doritos jerking off to porn the rest of my life, or do I want to be a man that I respect and women desire.

bigfike · 2014-03-18T16:39:03+00:00

Keep beating off bro, at least you've come to grips with it. Tho idk why you came here, probably just to be a karma whore?

Title	Can't Do It Anymore
Author	Toronto17
Upvotes	8
Comments	31
Date	March 18, 2014 2:54 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/20pzim/cant_do_it_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/cant-do-it-anymore.1367739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1367739

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