So I've been a lurker on TRP for a while. Backstory: I've been married for about a decade and have a 2 year old daughter that means the world to me. (I WILL NEVER regret having a child and anyone who does is a piece of shit.) Initially my wife decided she wanted to be a working mother, three months after my daughter was born she decided it would be better to be a SAHM.

We make a combined income of just over $100k, have a house and some sizable student loan debt (still...).

Having one child with the added expenses including daycare has stretched us to the limit. We've overextended ourselves.

So, obviously, my wife has discovered the issue and it's that I don't make enough money. I make about 61% of our income. I've gone back to school (at my employers expense) and have been actively looking for a new job for over a year and have had several interviews. Not for her sake, but I would love to have a better job for myself in a career that I half way enjoy.

Last night she brings up the issue that she's getting older (32) and that she wants another baby NOW! NOW GOD DAMMIT! So, I bring up my concerns about our finances and suggest that if we do have another child it's going to mean some substantial lifestyle changes for us. Like: selling our house and renting until we are done paying for child care, getting rid of cable, downsizing her brand spanking new mommy car that she trashes out every week. (My car is her old car that is paid off...do you see a trend here?) But no. That's not the answer, obviously. After telling her my vision of what having another child would mean for our(her) lifestyle, she gets angry, tells me that it would probably work itself out, and then asks me:

"We'd have to live in an apartment and sell my car? What's in it for me then?!"

And then, naturally, she came to the final realization that I don't make enough money. It's clearly my fault for not making enough money so why don't I just go out and magically get a new job that pays $120k a year so that we can have another child and she can fulfill her dream of being a SAHM?

I've been told for the past two years that I'm not worthy because I don't make enough money to fulfill her HGTV and spoiled rich friends (she has two friends who are millionaires by inheritance) fueled dreams. Anytime we argue it usually devolves into her telling me to "man up" and that I'm "not a man."

So, today I found the srink4men, which I just found out is actually on the TRP sidebar. I'm fairly certain that my wife has borderline personality disorder based on what I'm reading on that site. It's just textbook, everything down to me making excuses for her behavior, the walking in a minefield, the narcissism, everything.

What do I do? I feel like, at this point, I'm only sticking around for my daughter. I know that if I did leave she would use my daughter as an emotional weapon against me. Should I try to deal with it for the next decade until my daughter is older? Should I stand my ground about having another child even though she'll resent me (more) for it? I feel like my choices are: stick around and deal with the abuse or leave and lose my daughter.

Edit: To clarify, I've been aware of this cycle of emotional abuse for about five months and have been developing a shell and working to better myself. I've been standing my ground and acting more like my alpha self that was lost long ago. However, the stakes are infinitely higher now that my daughter has come into my life.