If you take a glance through my post history, you'll see that I've recently been pining over a girl. Long story short, I met a girl - without even realising I did it, I instantly seduced her. She ended up in my bed after the first night and spent the following few days telling me how much she couldn't wait to see me. Sadly, I proceeded to mess it up by becoming needy and outcome dependent.

Unfortunately it was something that had to happen, just a shame it had to happen with her because she really did tick all of my boxes.

Following the whole thing, I've ploughed hours and hours of time into investigating how/when/why/where I went wrong. Now I've got a little bit of perspective on it, I can literally pinpoint the exact moment I made mistakes throughout my interaction with her. I presented myself as a cool, confident, happy guy with options and aspirations (without meaning too).

It was only the other night that the penny truly dropped.

Outer game, pick up, techniques etc. mean literally nothing and will do nothing for you without inner game

Everyone has a different term for it. Red pill folks tend to call it frame, Corey Wayne refers to it as being centred - it all essentially means the same thing. I realise now that in order for any kind of outer game to actually work, you have to be at a stage where you're not even playing a game any more. You're not saying certain things to sound cocky and carefree, you are cocky and carefree. You aren't waiting a certain amount of time to reply to look like you've got bigger things to worry about, you have got bigger things to worry about.

No matter good of an actor you are, people (particularly women, being more emotionally driven and intuitive) will always detect your internal state. If you're trying to put out a certain image, you're doing it wrong. It has to be who you actually are on the inside. You can't pretend to be happy with yourself, it has to be real.

I realise that now - as much as I fell head over heels for this girl and really liked her, when she met me I was in a good place. I had recently quit smoking, gotten in better shape - I had another girl chasing me right in front of her. I did really like her, but I could take it or leave it. I let her come to me because I was happy in myself. After we dated, I started to become dependent on her for my happiness without even realising. No amount of techniques or acting or time between texts will make up for neediness. If you're needy, you're needy. You have to genuinely kill that first.

That was probably very long winded, but I'm hoping that it might help someone else come to the same realisation as me.

Now, you'll be glad to know I've not contacted the girl. She eventually told me I was too needy, and stopped speaking to me. I went no contact. She contacted me again last week saying "hiya just want to make sure you're ok". I replied saying I was all good, and asking how she was. We went back and forth for a little while - Eventually though, I just told her that I want to date her again. I said that I know I behaved in a needy way and that was stupid, and it won't happen again. Then I just said if you wanna go out for drinks again, that's awesome. If not, that sucks but let me know if you change your mind. She didn't reply - but that's fine. I've made my position clear, and if she contacts me again, I'll deal with it there and then.

So right now I'm just focusing on getting rid of my mild case of oneitis for her (almost cracked that one. Little trick for anyone with mild oneitis - imagine her taking a crap after a night of boozing. She's only human). I'm being logical about things - I can't do anything to improve the situation with her, and regardless of whether or not she comes back, my only prerogative should be changing the things that lead to me fucking up with her.

This is where I need help. All of the resources here are great and the internet is a fantastic resource for all of these kinds of things. The issue I'm having is that people like Corey Wayne - who by the way, is fantastic - tell you what you need to be/feel e.g. a strong, centred guy that isn't outcome dependent, but not how to become those things. Clearly, I've got insecurities and a tendency to become needy and dependent. That's what I'm trying to address here.

Maybe this is a journey everyone has to take alone - I'll find my own way if I have to - but if there's anyone here that has transitioned from a mindset like mine, to one of abundance and strength, I'd love to hear how you did it and what resources helped you. And of course, anything else you feel is relevant to mention.

TL;DR - Messed up with a girl I really liked, came to the realisation that inner game is the ultimate starting point and all else fails without it. Looking for direction on how to lose neediness, outcome dependency, scarcity etc. and to gain confidence, solid frame, abundance + self sustained happiness. All/any comment appreciated.

Thanks guys!