my wife has noticed the change and sakes what's wrong. Also, starts mentioning a Beta guy at work a lot.

kick6 · 2014-07-31T15:10:04+00:00

It seems like you go to the same tactic evey time: ignore. At some point you need to think about whether or not they're shit tests or cries for attention. This is your wife, not a plate. You have to give her some purpose in your life or she's going to go find someone else who does. Right now it sounds like you've just blocked her out entirely.

DanG3 · 2014-07-31T13:48:48+00:00

Read: "Why Being Asshole Alpha Works For About Six Months" over at MMSL.

http://marriedmansexlife.com/2014/07/why-being-asshole-alpha-works-for-about-six-months/

Toolazy2work · 2014-07-31T14:47:31+00:00

Ok she is not a plate, she is your WIFE! She will want to have conversations with you. Sounds like something new happened at work she wanted to tell you about. If she has been good, reward her with conversation. People ITT are saying to run dread game, but you said yourself he's married (with kids?). Just keep down the path. Sounds like just a friend / orbiter...

UEMcGill · 2014-07-31T13:19:20+00:00

Is the rest of your life in order? Finances? Man-chores? Is she complaining about "not doing anything in her life"?, does she say shit like "I've always done stuff for everyone else". Beware if she starts treating you like a girlfriend "Oh Johnny said the funniest thing today!", "Oh his marriage is fucked up! His wife treats him so poorly!" Remember, watch her actions not her words. If she goes radically silent after 2 weeks, starts to guard her phone, etc. swift action is called for.

I'm personally of the belief that men and women can not be friends. Casual work acquaintances yeah, but that's it.

Dreamtrain · 2014-07-31T17:33:28+00:00

Dude, it's cool that you are captain of your ship but you can't treat your first mate like a deck scrubber, steering the ship whatever you go without giving a shit about their input, that you do with plates but not with wife.

As a leader yes you do call the shots but a leader leads, not just go off without any notice and hope he will be followed. Again, you do this with other girls, but not your wife.

LeviGoldberg · 2014-07-31T12:48:37+00:00

Well since you copy-pasted the question, I'll copy-paste my answer:

You need some dread game. But do it subtly, because you've already shown your hand and she'll know you're trying to manipulate her if you're sloppy about it. "You sure bring Johnny up a lot" is an F- failure of her shit-testing.

Buy a new cologne or aftershave. Don't answer your phone as quickly or as often. Spend a little more time with the guys after work. Then see if she comes around.

robesta · 2014-08-01T01:48:58+00:00

If she stops talking about Johnny or ever sides with Johnny against you (Johnny said y was true not x), she's Web route to an affair with him. Honestly, just the fact that they're talking that much and have a lot in common makes this a prime affair situation.

Johnny10toes · 2014-07-31T13:04:22+00:00

I think she's trying to run some dread on you. You've changed a little which is a dread on her. In turn she's letting you know she has options too. You should monitor from a distance though.

RedPillington · 2014-07-31T13:54:09+00:00

are you taking her out of late? i would say an alpha shift without other added benefits of excitement and involvement wouldn't necessarily go over well.

southernfriedcode · 2014-07-31T18:04:59+00:00

The solution to shit tests is to agree and amplify. Ignoring works for larger things, like if she's going out to a bar with girlfriends, you ignore and go do something yourself. You constantly ignoring your wife IS NOT alpha. Honestly, you throw those words around (alpha and beta) but you obviously don't know what they mean.

Stop trying to run game on your wife that you don't understand. It doesn't make you have a stronger position.

All this talk bout ' I suspect I'm more alpha ', is just a cover to me. When you write that, I read, I'm worried about this guy. If I can pick up on that over the internet, your wife, a woman that is an expert at reading these things is definitely picking up on it.

My advice: Put your whole 'alpha', 'trp' makeover on hold and GO READ THE SIDE BAR at /r/trp. Not some of it, not one article, all of it. When you've done that, you'll have answered your own question.

[deleted] · 2014-07-31T22:55:59+00:00

Destroy your ego. You are not "pretty alpha". You're an insecure husband asking for advice about a non-issue on an internet forum.

[deleted] · 2014-08-01T01:05:13+00:00

What's wrong with just letting her talk? Ask questions and let her go on for a while. Change the subject if she starts getting repetitive.

She's probably mildly attracted to Johnny and is processing the emotions by means of talking about it. That's a good sign, she's discussing it with you instead of hiding it. My wife does this all the time - she bounces ideas off people as part of her process of making up her mind. It's interesting to watch her plan or decision evolve as she gages the reactions and thinks about it. Whatever you do, don't make her justify her actions around him - she's likely to push back and that just entrenches her in a defensive position.

I doubt that your wife came up with some elaborate plan to have an interesting new coworker and then make you jealous with it. It's probably more likely that he just showed up and she's been talking to him during the day. No big deal.

franzbjoern · 2014-08-01T02:19:21+00:00

Typical pick up bullshit. U r married, just be authentic, be ur best self. Dont see everything as a shit test. I had 8 lays this year, i had 2x 3 fbs at once, this year alone. And i m not doing shit. I am not gaming or anything. I never get shit test, or at least i dont see them as such cuse there s just no woman who could sweeep me off my feet with some little shit. Just relax man. That guy has family and is married how would he be a competitor? Ur wifey basically said dont worry about him, just take bettrr care of me!

lloopy · 2014-07-31T15:22:55+00:00

I think that you should obviously communicate more. It's pretty unfair for you to act one way with your wife and sudden flip the way you act and pretty much tell her to deal with it. Also it sounds like your wife just wants you to encourage her to run a marathon. If you aren't intimidated by this fellow you should tell your wife to invite "Johnny" and his family over for dinner and get to know this person before you start getting super aggro over it.

Greyletter · 2014-07-31T15:24:36+00:00

Maybe your wife is becoming interested in another man because her husband suddenly turned into a selfish, distant, inconsiderate douchebag.

MaxPower6 · 2014-07-31T15:17:32+00:00

I would check her text messages at a minimum

sociosexualstatus · 2014-07-31T12:50:10+00:00

I don't think you should have asked her "is there something I need to know". Instead, I would maybe buy a spyware on her phone, it's only 200$ a year - http://www.mspy.com/ . Get a hold of her, and view her at every angle so she doesn't hide the fact if she cheats. I'm not saying she will, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

Second, I would use dread game in your position. Start talking about that young 20s coworker that you've been hanging out with lately. She'll see it immediately.

kami_kakushi · 2014-07-31T18:46:20+00:00

i dont agree with the "add some more beta" ideas. really no good ime.

it doesnt matter if its your wife or not, its a female at the end of the day.

dread for sure, mention women, hit the gym more,

its her beaviour that is bothering you, right? dont worry about what you are doing, just focus on yourself, get on with your business, and correct the behaviour you dislike in your woman.

KyfhoMyoba · 2014-07-31T20:45:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2014-07-31T18:06:32+00:00

Step 1: Pull the Dread Game full blast, be relentless.

Step 2: Report here.

Title	my wife has noticed the change and sakes what's wrong. Also, starts mentioning a Beta guy at work a lot.
Author	Imonthebugs
Upvotes	12
Comments	45
Date	July 31, 2014 12:31 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2c8f3g/my_wife_has_noticed_the_change_and_sakes_whats/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/my-wife-has-noticed-the-change-and-sakes-whats.141063 https://theredarchive.com/post/141063

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