What have you learned about yourself?

recovering88 · 2024-03-19T20:40:47+00:00

I’ve discovered that I am more of an outdoorsman than I ever thought I would be. I’ve discovered nature and the peace it brings when I’m out there miles away from civilization. Women find me a lot more attractive than I thought and I’m quite the charmer. My girlfriend calls me a catch! Apparently I do much better for myself than I ever gave myself credit for. Just takes a little effort

research002019 · 2024-03-18T00:14:34+00:00

That I am somewhat attractive to women. I've received more compliments from women in the last few years than I received from the ex in 20 years.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-03-17T23:24:19+00:00

Really fresh for me but I’m learning how isolated I was. She kept me in her bubble and it’s nice seeing how many people I actually have in my life. It’s nice having the freedom to do as I please now.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-17T13:29:53+00:00

That I’m far smarter, make more money and have way more value to women than my wife ever gave me credit for. In fact she did her best to make me think the opposite.

“You’re a fucking loser!” while throwing water in my face after I told her I knew of her affair. That was my 911 never forget moment.

BuddhistChrist · 2024-03-17T03:14:02+00:00

That I will most likely never ever get married or cohabitate with one of the opposite sex ever ever again.

Is0prene · 2024-03-17T00:24:52+00:00

I discovered I am a great dad. I was undermined and ridiculed and reported to CPS so I actually believed I was a horrible father. My family helped talk some sense into me and I discovered I actually love being a father around my kids without someone undermining me with everything I do.

She does nothing with them. The classic mom that pretends to be involved and will drive them places, take a picture then walk off on her phone. The kids know this and hate being around her. They love coming to my place and sprint to me every time they see me and give me big hugs. They know I genuinely care and do things with them. They all cry every time they have to go back to her place. Its hard seeing them go, but its a good feeling knowing they love me so much.

myrstica · 2024-03-17T00:13:36+00:00

Oh man, I feel all of this. I was diagnosed with adhd about 6 months before separating, and it was a huge relief, as suddenly, my whole life made more sense. Like you, I was fantastic at masking, and as a result, I was always really successful socially and romantically (when I felt confident enough to pursue someone).

Also, seeing my therapist, initially to help learn coping skills, provided me the opportunity to talk through everything I'd been been going through for a decade and helped me to realize that I wasn't actually the root of every problem, and that while I had made a lot of mistakes in my marriage, I still deserved the acceptance and understanding I had practically never gotten from my stbxw. I realized that while I was always accused of gaslighting due to my memory issues and focus on emotions instead of the exact words that were said, I was actually the one being gaslit.

I'm also really focusing on getting fit again. When I met my stbxw, I was working in a retail nursery, unloading trucks full of trees all day, and riding my bike to and from work. I was in possibly the best shape of my life. Once I was married, any effort I made to get out on my bike was met with passive aggression at best and direct criticisms at worst.

I'm learning how much better a father I am when I'm not anxious about being criticized, than I believed myself to be. Though it's not uncommon for my stbxw to try to pick fights via text when I have the kids.

And finally, I'm just generally re-discovering myself and learning to appreciate the things that I enjoy without worrying about what someone else thinks. I'm finding my compassion, empathy, and forgiveness again, both for others and for myself.

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-03-17T00:52:05+00:00

I honestly don't think I've gotten a positive from the divorce, at least compared to the pre cheating life.

More free time, I guess, but that's not a good thing in and of itself. Has let me work out more, so back in similar to shape when I was 25 before I started going out with my ex.

I guess once I'm done paying off the divorce costs in a few years, I'll have more money? But ex 's Mother had plenty of money, and so honestly, even that probably would have been more even with the costs of marriage.

Title	What have you learned about yourself?
Author	chickenofalltrades
Upvotes	19
Comments	15
Date	March 16, 2024 8:11 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bgexyq/what_have_you_learned_about_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-have-you-learned-about-yourself.1426016 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426016

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