How did you level yourself up?

AlexKidd79 · 2024-04-16T01:15:05+00:00

Start a business.

Could be a side hustle, weekend gig, solopreneur, or whatever. Start small. Ideally, do something where you're paid based on your performance. (I started a direct response copywriting business, for example.)

When it comes to getting paid, no one -- not your boss, your company, the market, etc. -- gives a shit what you think you're worth. The only value that comes from "I'm not getting paid what I'm worth" thinking is if you use it was motivation to go out there and get that bread, my brother.

You've got this. America has a lot of problems, but there's no better place on earth to start a business.

Divorce sucks. I'm getting my heart ripped out through my wallet. But you know what? Even being on the hook for $3k/month for the next seven-fucking-years doesn't stress me too much. Because I know I'm just gonna beat the brakes off my business and go to a whole 'nother level.

Nothing -- and I mean NOTHING -- will put you back in control of your life like starting a business and making money through it.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2024-04-16T01:10:16+00:00

Do a programming/coding bootcamp and get into IT/Data science/Analytics. Start with a junior role ($60k easy) and after a few years you can get $100k +

FaithlessnessNo281 · 2024-04-15T23:59:57+00:00

There is a decent amount of oilfield work in PA and WV. One of the guys on my crew is from NY.

captainchippsixx · 2024-04-15T19:14:33+00:00

Suck it up man. Do the side work under the table. Don’t tell anyone. This money will help you immensely and no taxes.

If you make more ahead will ask for more and go to court. If you change jobs look for same pay but more happiness and benefits.

CRobinsFly · 2024-04-15T18:42:03+00:00

You are in a really bad spot. Like bad as in like my worst nightmare bad; I'm sorry you're going through this. If you don't make some major and uncomfortable changes now, you're going to basically be a 'slave' for life.

There is still time to recover, and I think there's hope for you - being that you recognize you're probably being a whiny millennial, you are (and I say that as a fellow Millennial who also whines sometimes). As an aside, my ex's boyfriend's circumstances could almost be a perfect facsimile of yours - yet he was able to attract and retain my ex (who I have a daughter with and she makes 2x what he does) for going on 2 years now, so he was able to "recover" - his ex wife did come after him again though for more CS... so be prepared for your ex to do that to you, too.

You're also doing the right thing by performing damage control, you need to move in with your parents. I assume you did what you could to obtain the maximum amount of custody from your ex so I won't address that aspect, even though 40% of your gross seems ridiculous and an insane L. Also, now might be a great time to get a vasectomy as well to prevent this cataclysm from ever happening to you again (you will soon discover there are tons of Millennial women out there seeking to trap you with more children, the last thing you need is to get baby trapped and sued for more child support - you would be at a severe disadvantage trying to fight this new woman for custody of yet another child, so she could easily take some of the CS youre currently sending to your current kids and send it to the new one). Don't tell anyone you got snipped either.

Now for the more positive stuff: you like to build or fix things. That's HUGE as a Millennial, because most of our generation dispises that work. When I had time, I was side hustling as a handyman with strangers for 1-3hr gigs on the weekend and making 150/hr, no joke. My education as an engineer was largely irrelevant for that work. Once I had a client base going, I didn't have to advertise on Facebook at all, and even a year after I stopped doing the handyman work (I moved across the country) I still received calls from clients wanting to call me back, unphased by my rates; several told me they had no one else to help them. Do something like this and keep as of your finances off the books as much as possible, because trust me, your wife will sue you again when you level up from this.

Reflog1791 · 2024-04-15T18:10:54+00:00

Community college would be my first stop. They have the resources you need. Go to class face to face, use the career center, get the scholarships, talk to the profs and the counselor to find a career that you like, they will tell you the exact certifications you need and help you start networking.

If your hobby was making games I would think a field in IT is a good fit. The main thing is it pays well.

Be careful about leveling up DURING your divorce. That new income absolutely has to come through AFTER the divorce. Makes this the perfect time to get in those classes.

But yes most divorcing men need to find a way to make more money. Don’t tell the ex wife you’re making more money or got a new job. She knows nothing of your new life and plans.

pikohina · 2024-04-15T17:26:26+00:00

Get a lawn mower, weedwacker and backpack blower. Start in neighborhood. $40 minumum per small cut, increases with bigger job, don’t short yourself. Be absolutely reliable and business will grow quickly. Business cards. Drop them in post office, local stores etc. Good business if you are turstworthy and on time.

Ron_Porambo · 2024-04-15T15:03:02+00:00

Union trades

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-04-15T13:03:26+00:00

Trades buddy, or think of changing business, like start landscaping in the summer, plowing in the winter. Buy/lease a big ass diesel, and write it off, depending on your state’s rules. Do a handyman job, or get into welding.

I became a programmer, and though I get satisfaction, it can be mind numbing. I am approaching 50, so I am winding things down, and am thinking about welding as a source of income, winching, and tire repair, etc

I am a country boy, so I almost have all the tools to do the above. Think out of the box.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-04-15T12:42:39+00:00

My divorce almost destroyed me. With the alimony and child support and all. I figured I had to do what I had to do to survive to see and raise my kiddos. So I put my head to the grindstone. Started to work harder and then smarter. Got a better attitude with the divorce not being a destroyer but a rebirth, a chance for me to change my life for the better without her. She sees you struggling and fail, she wins. Don't let that happen. Do what you must to survive - side jobs, another job, whatever. Be there for your kids. Changing your attitude is the first start. What is important to you?

jacob_89_ · 2024-04-15T11:42:12+00:00

bro i was 32 when I got divorced, now 35 and still at home with my parents, i have my kids every 2nd fortnight and for school holidays, yeah its a cock block and not the easiest but i actually enjoy it, im able to focus on my fitness, have very little distractions and I've found genuine happiness. your still very young, take the time now to figure out who you are, get skilled and earn more money, hustle now so by the time your in your 40's you can create the life you want. one thing that got me thruw was 1000's of blokes have been in the same or worse position then and made it thruw so why can't i.

engineered-chemistry · 2024-04-15T11:11:43+00:00

Chemical engineer here that works with tons of mechanical engineers too. Have you considered mechanical/piping design? Get an associates in drafting. You can double your current salary. Huge demand with many senior level guys retiring. If you hate math, any engineering field will be brutal to get through college despite the actual math as a practicing engineer is rarely more than algebra/trig

roshi-roshi · 2024-04-15T10:40:00+00:00

It’s not too late! You are young! Just start taking classes. Maybe write out a plan and do one small step a day? I know in the midst of all of this I couldn’t ‘rush’ anything. I had to get things done in my own time, but on time. I find that trying to get stuff done in a rush or when I’m so anxious is impossible.

I too am freaking out about money. Not sure how I’m going to make this year. I do need a higher paying job, but I don’t want to go back to work that burned me out.

DarkEnergy67 · 2024-04-15T09:57:28+00:00

My level up was philosophy. Stoicism and Daoism plus some extras.

I am now at a place that is close to nihilism but is not nihilistic. I just don’t give a shit anymore. It is a peaceful place to be.

The big realisation was understanding that I can only control myself- and that is my focus.

Flashy_Yam967 · 2024-04-15T08:33:33+00:00

How old are your kids? Child support is what it is. How long were you married for? Your ex is a sahm but how much of a potential income is she being factored for alimony and maybe child support. NY minimum wage is $16 an hour but if fast food in your area is paying higher, that is the amount that should be used.

I have my kids 50/50 and my state uses a combined income model. It is both good and bad. Since I make more than my ex, I play her but if her income goes up and mine stays the same, I pay less. If I rarely had my kids, there is still a combined income model, it's not flat percent of my income based solely on non custody parents income. Unsure how your state works.

rub-positive-8063 · 2024-04-15T06:09:36+00:00

u/noobinpro has some good, positive advice. Idk about the masterbation bit, but the rest is pretty solid.

I would also advise checking out Rich Cooper (aka both Entrepreneurs in Cars, and also Unplugged Alpha on YouTube). He talks a lot about leveling up, and chasing excellence and not women. I don’t align with everything he says, but take what you can use and discard the rest.

Lastly, I agree with u/whiskey_piker, and I’ll do you one more. Sorry to sound brash, but you frankly sound like a quitter who feels sorry for himself. I hear a bunch of excuses.

Set goals, WRITE THEM DOWN (pen to paper) and make some serious changes. Take responsibility for your part in your shortcomings, including with your stbx.

You can blame her all you want for leaving, but all these whiney excuses do not leave me to wonder if you have any part in it.

I initiated my divorce. I was miserable. SHE made me feel shitty for years. Believe me, I’d love to blame everything on my ex, but I didn’t experience true growth in my serenity until I took ownership of MY PART. I was an asshole. I have reasons - plenty of them - why I was an asshole but the fact is, my behavior was no better to a healthy marriage and partnership than hers was. Our mistakes were different, but equally damaging.

Noobinpro · 2024-04-15T05:00:41+00:00

Physical and psychological health: Quit all addictions, eat a healthy diet, take supplements, work out, journal, meditate, network (to build a better social circle, just talk with people,) find communities (even the gym community,) have hobbies, read, finally and awkwardly quit masturbating.

Financial health: Analyze skill set and what is marketable. How will getting a different job or creating a business impact being a father? What different skills are in demand in your area, how early would you want to make more money? Are you planning on staying in the area long term?

The trades are good options though the pay is low for about 2-4 years depending on the area. Driving jobs with special licensing pay more initially with less experience though not as much in the long run normally.

whiskey_piker · 2024-04-15T04:56:43+00:00

This may sound harsh, but when people say “I’m not paid what I’m worth” there actually needs to be some clear force that wants to pay them this amount of money. If you aren’t paid what YOU want to earn, then you are delusional. Earning $24/hr is barely above minimum wage. If you go to school, the only thing in your favor would be getting a Bachelor of Science in Business. It’s a Swiss Army knife for education. The kicker is that your success depends upon YOU, bot the paper.

fffrdcrrf · 2024-04-15T04:42:05+00:00

Im probably moving back in with my parents too, mixed feelings about. They seem to be thrilled I’m not though. I think they’re lonely and need someone with energy around. Since my stbex left i just sit here in an empty apartment which is lonely so i guess moving home will help that and also save me money. Ill probably give them some money for utilities and food. Dont feel bad about that though your not alone especially in this economy they could probably use your help around the house and it might be a good period of time to recover and spend quality time with your parents, after all we all have an expiration date.

whoisgodiam · 2024-04-15T04:22:07+00:00

Get into a trade. Plumbing, HVAC, electrician. You’ll never be able to succeed with all that child support and alimony without way higher income. HOWEVER, those figures will be adjusted once your income goes up lol.

Title	How did you level yourself up?
Author	chickenofalltrades
Upvotes	15
Comments	30
Date	April 15, 2024 3:57 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c4cuqs/how_did_you_level_yourself_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-did-you-level-yourself-up.1515148 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515148

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