Does anyone else who is successful just feel empty?

affirmativeuncertain · 2017-09-27T00:23:18+00:00

That sucks man. I've been there before and I can tell you going on more dates won't help. Best thing I did was stop the emotionless dating and focus on improving myself. Not only did it help improve my mood, but I ended up connecting with women on a deeper level when we shared passions. Just ask yourself, if you can't be happy by yourself, how can someone else make you happy?

Yass_King · 2017-09-27T01:19:12+00:00

Trust me, casual dating will get easier once you’ve been through the love wringer a few more times.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-09-27T04:30:40+00:00

1

So I've been pretty much in exclusively long term relationships since I was 16. I'm 24 now. My last girlfriend seriously broke my heart and threw me into a deep depression.

This seems like a natural progression. Often when one is in a serious relationship too early and too often as they develop in their teens, they are stunting their own emotional growth and becoming co-dependent on the other person.

2

After not having a ton of luck dating wise this past month has been insane. I went on a few dates with this girl that we had insane chemistry with and I fell in love with her. Then she up and left last week and it really sucked. I miss her.

This follows the same pattern. After dating seriously for YEARS, it can sometimes take YEARS to sort through the wreckage. You didn't say when the break-up with this last serious girlfriend happened, but if it was recently, as it appears, then you're probably STILL going through the rebound and recovery phase.

And since you started dating around while in that phase, OF COURSE the results were tainted. And of course you fell immediately. This is as cliche and as human as it gets. You missed your last serious ex-GF and wanted to fill the void, right? That's what leads to falling for someone again so quickly and so soon.

But most assuredly, all that "insane chemistry" you had was you looking at her with rosy-sunglasses, and ignoring the totality of who she is. And that's probably related to why it ended so abruptly.

3

Everyone irl and on the internet says you need to go out and meet multiple people.....

Well, yes and no. They often say that you need to date a bunch of women..... that you need to avoid putting all your eggs in "one basket." But really, dating a bunch of people doesn't immediately solve problems with your mindset if you have any. All it does is take whatever problems you have and multiply them across all the women you are involved with.

Really, what you should do is connect with your social circle and chill it out for a time. Get back to your center, because if you dated straight through from 16 years of age to 24 years of age, you might not have the best awareness of who YOU are.

4

I have two dates in the next two days with different girls and idk... I just feel kind of empty. There's no rush, no real attraction other than I think they're pretty because I don't even know them.

And now this is a mixed bag. On the one hand, you have a more realistic, healthy view in stating that they're pretty but you don't know them. You're even withholding too much excitement or attraction for them. This is NOT a bad place to be in. It's good to know that you find them physicall attractive and yet not be building things up so immensely before you know them.

And yet, you're likely sad about it because it all means that you're having to toss out some old beliefs that you've had for a long time. Letting go of old ideals is not easy.

5

I'm gonna go because I think I need to but has anyone else felt like this? This just feels kind of wrong and deceitful.

It's not wrong or deceitful to go into a date with the attitude that she's pretty but you can't say more because you don't know her. This is TRUE. NO one should get a free pass. You should NOT be building up all this excitement over someone you never met. Because she just might be lame. This is all true. It's not bad.

In fact, it FREES you to get in there and discover real substance.

6

Like it sucked when girls did this to me and now I'm doing it back.... :(

I fail to see how going into a date as you're describing, is deceitful.

Is it "honest" to make up a ton of fantasies in your head and be all excited about someone you don't even know? This is arguably dishonest to yourself.
What the girls "did to you," was nothing. You did it to yourself by investing too much, too early. With your previous relationship, it was probably much the same issue, with you losing yourself and your confidence.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-09-27T04:45:09+00:00

You're dating a week after the break up? No way dude, that is way too fast. You need some time to yourself. Big improvements happen after sad events like this, but they need time. You need time alone. Solitude is actually quite healthy, it helps you to grow and figure out how to be happy outside a relationship.

hafskaa · 2017-09-27T02:03:46+00:00

I agree with the post below, better yourself. I have a similar story, always felt empty with casual dating even though I had success. Similar to you, many things came easy to me and I have succeeded early. For me, improving myself through meditation, focusing on the present moment, educating myself led me to a new passion of pursuing a career in medicine so that was a lot to focus on. Focusing on this made me happier, less empty, and I naturally found a new relationship. I'm not saying to go into medicine, but continue to challenge yourself and listen to your instincts. Not sure if you have explored this route and I might get some shit for this, but NoFap also is very beneficial. Good luck.

Blueeyesboi · 2017-09-27T10:33:29+00:00

I recommend finding a hobby/passion. That way you can keep yourself busy if you get dumped.

But also in general. Find sonething you really like and start doing it! That could be anything. Exercise , painting singing etc.

deitysjester · 2017-09-27T13:35:20+00:00

I too had someone leave me earlier this year. February. Honestly I'm still not over her. I've dated about 12 girls this year, slept with none of them. I don't even know what I was looking for, I was just hanging out with them. The whole time feeling empty. And all of them could see it. I've done a lot on my own time, I like to hike and travel so I've been a lot of cool places. Started doing yoga twice a week. Trying to write a book. But no matter what I do, I just feel empty. I think the only thing I want is for someone to look at me the way she used to. And I don't know how to want anything else. I've read all the replies here and honestly I know I need to focus on myself. But I'm tired of being by myself. I get no enjoyment from any of these things without someone to share it with. How can I just be happy being alone? I think that's the question we both need to answer maybe?

TheBetterManZA · 2017-09-27T16:56:08+00:00

If you don't feel like dating, don't date. Take the time to do what you want to do until you feel ready.

However, keep an eye on that depression. If that shit doesn't go away you need to considering talking to someone, or hitting the gym (when I became depressed I start exercising and it fixed me up).

Scudsterr · 2017-09-27T03:02:40+00:00

It was still only 1 girl you had success with though. The more girls you meet, the more likely you are to find someone who appreciates you for who you are. You feel empty because you found someone and they left. The more that may happen though, the less you can attribute that to who YOU are.

Woop_dee_do · 2017-09-27T09:53:15+00:00

How long ago did you break up with your girlfriend? My last relationship lasted 18 months and this sounds bad, but it wasn't until i was in a new one for a few months before I really got over her, in that time I had 5-10 one night stands which did nothing for me to stop thinking about her.

Thedatingguy · 2017-09-27T14:59:53+00:00

I don't have an answer or solution to what you are feeling however I would like you to know that you are not alone. The feeling is mutual. You just feel empty, sort of like sadness but ambiguous. You don't see the point anymore, you aren't interested in the physical side of dating, you want something more real.

Believe me when I say you will get over this. How? I don't know. But you will. In my experience with this feeling, taking a break to recover helps, you shouldn't stop dating but maybe taking a week off from it can help clear your head and interpret your emotions and feelings better. Hang in there, If I was speaking for everyone, I would say this is a normal thing to feel every now and then.

SPIN_SIR · 2017-09-27T04:08:26+00:00

Quit being needy

Title	Does anyone else who is successful just feel empty?
Author	jsfights
Upvotes	35
Comments	32
Date	September 26, 2017 11:49 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/72ogy9/does_anyone_else_who_is_successful_just_feel_empty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-anyone-else-who-is-successful-just-feel-empty.1434358 https://theredarchive.com/post/1434358

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