One night stands/casual sex leaves me feeling empty and seems like a waste of time?

CainPrice · 2018-10-08T18:24:07+00:00

Stop thinking of sex as something amazingly special. It's more of a need you fill. If you're hungry, you stop for food on the way home from class. If you're horny, you arrange a hookup after class. Casual sex is kind of like the fast food of sex. Sure, amazing sex with a devoted partner is better, but when you don't have a 200$ ribeye from a steakhouse available and you're hungry, a hamburger is fine and can be pretty tasty, too.

Stop thinking of sex like this huge, big deal, special thing you do. It's just a regular part of your life, like eating. When you're in the mood and have a little spare time, you have a hookup, because getting your rocks off and connecting with someone else, even briefly, is fun and scratches the itch. Then you get on with the rest of your life.

effyouasshole · 2018-10-08T18:32:01+00:00

Your problem is you're trying to find meaning in the wrong place. There is no meaning in casual sex; its just enhanced masturbation meant to brighten your day. Do you expect to find deep, philosophical meaning in playing mini-golf for an hour? No, and nor should you try; its only short-term entertainment.

True meaning comes from making progress on your mission. Focus on that until you're on the right track. If you feel like having some side-action in the meantime, then by all means: do it. Otherwise don't.

Zanford · 2018-10-08T23:57:56+00:00

GOOD! One of the best things about having a lot of sex young is you stop overvalueing it so much, and it helps you be more DGAF, whcih helps with game and sex itself (non-needy attitude), and focus on other things like career, fitness, hobbies, or finding a LTR. So do all those.

What you probably need is a very casual LTR or recurring plate(s). Girls you have some rapport with and you can enjoy not-just-sex but also doing other shit you like to do (like going to be beach or literal Netflix and Chill) but whom you aren't overly emotionally invested in (so you don't backslide into beta or get heartbroken).

[deleted] · 2018-10-08T19:07:55+00:00

Some people just prefer sex with people they have a connection with and that's completely normal. I'm the same way.

I understand you about the time thing. But it's a worthy sacrifice. Not many girls are just gonna come straight over to your house and fuck with no effort. Right now I have 3 plates. Met 2 on the hinge app, and 1 from a cold approach. The first 2 or so times I met each of them we went on conventional dates and then fucked. But at this point they'll just text me that they wanna come over when they're done with class for the day or off of work then they just come straight over and we get to business.

That time investment up front makes things easier in the long run. I don't think I've been on a conventional date with any of them in 6-8 weeks but I'm still getting laid 2-3 times a week.

Rollo_Mayhem3 · 2018-10-09T00:29:54+00:00

You're probably just not doing it right or with the right girl. You're still young. Don't think too much into it. Just have fun with the girl, plate her, and develop the sexual relationship you want.

Quaternionz · 2018-10-08T21:47:03+00:00

It’s pretty cut and dry what’s happening here. You’re falling prey to beta make psychology.

It’s crucial to realize that there are two fundamentally different male psychologies when it comes to mating: Alpha male psychology and beta male psychology. Which mode your brain is in at any given time depends on your circumstances.

Alpha Male Psychology In ancient times these were the pharaohs, sultans, war lords, and lesser nobility. They had the equivalent of $300,000,000 in 4,000BC money, and they had nothing stopping them from keeping large harams of women. They’d knock up all of their chicks and have literally hundreds of little princelings running around. They didn’t spend much time with most of their haram, but whatever, they had kingdoms to run. They probably banged a different new girl every other day, and getting them all pregnant was fine. Their reproductive strategy was to spread it far and wide.

Beta Male Psychology A thin feminized beta male hasn’t gotten a date or had sex for months. He meets Jenny, a solid 7, through a mutual friend. When he meets Jenny he does something by accident to impress her. Maybe he’s be killing it at work lately, or maybe he was especially entertaining the day they meet. He dates Jenny and love bombs her into a relationship. She had had wanted to date around, but this guy is here, he’s minimally attractive enough, and the fact that he’s being so nice makes up for her lack of genuine interest. He’s thrilled to be with her, and she becomes his whole world. He can’t believe he gets to sleep with a girl this hot on a regular basis. He doesn’t realize the sex is not the sort of passionate animalistic sex Jenny used to have with Alpha men. They’ll get married and he’ll invest all of his time, emotions, and finances into supporting her and the kids. He’ll have no empires, he’ll do nothing big or respectable in life other than fulfill his beta bux role. When she eventually leaves him he’ll be optionless on the dating market and will feel destitute. His whole life centered on her, and now she’s gone. Suicide is a distinct possibility.

These examples are extremes. Day to day people fall somewhere in between. The hot dude at the bar who’s not a literal pharaoh but has a rotation of 6 girls he’s sleeping with. The respectable business man who has some money and settles down with his oneitis crush, but isn’t necessarily a push over 100% of the time. Etc...

The extremes do exist though. Where do you think this guy falls? How about this one?

What’s happening in your case is that you’re not good enough at building a haram yet for your emotions to be in Alpha mode. Your biology is still telling you that it’s wiser to invest all of your resources in one girl and procreate just with her. Casual sex is hard to find and therefore not worth the effort. A ONS is technically a kind of failure when you’re in LTR-seeking beta mode, so you feel shitty after having a ONS.

Keep investing in yourself instead, despite what your current emotions are telling you. Once you have 1,000 Tinder matches and can bang a new girl every day for seven days in a row (literally), you’ll feel powerful and will be totally loving it. Your psychology and hormones will fundamentally change, and you won’t feel at all about it like you feel now.

Or find a oneitis and LTR her right up. The choice is yours.

lozboss · 2018-10-08T20:51:32+00:00

Get home when you need it. Don't chase it.

Focus on your improvement. I'd suggest to you to do your CFA level 1 asap. Will open lots of doors career wise for you at your age.

[deleted] · 2018-10-08T23:36:58+00:00

You just sound like you're fucking girls you don't really like. I've had many-an-awkward pillow talk after fucking some chick who's either not hot enough for me or has a shit personality otherwise. Usually, though, those are my low-investment pulls (something like a message to just come over off of Tinder). So I don't have a lot of emotion tied up in them.

I'd say to just find a girl or two you really like to fuck. I'm in a one-way open LTR, and a lot of times I just prefer fucking my LTR to other girls. It's a lot more relaxing, she knows what I like, and she's hot and my type--all things not always present in random girls. Consistent high quality. Maybe don't rush into an LTR, but you do sound like you'd benefit from a closer connection as the fuck-a-million-chicks lifestyle isn't for everyone.

Flintblood · 2018-10-09T02:25:49+00:00

I felt the same way after a recent ONS - yet I knew I couldn’t promise anything and I could tell she wanted much more - to go serious fast.

From my point of view, if I can’t be with the one unicorn, then the best realistic option is to enjoy serial dating and sex with a female that’s fun to be around, then just always accept that it won’t last. Have fun while you can; be ready to move on when times up.

Wrath_of_Trump · 2018-10-09T12:00:51+00:00

Do you feel better beating your meat alone in your room in the dark? Ok then

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2018-10-09T13:51:50+00:00

If you want an LTR, get an LTR.

Whatever you do, strive for continuous improvement.

Title	One night stands/casual sex leaves me feeling empty and seems like a waste of time?
Author	askerman97
Upvotes	32
Comments	35
Date	October 8, 2018 6:07 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9mhbb3/one_night_standscasual_sex_leaves_me_feeling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/one-night-standscasual-sex-leaves-me-feeling-empty.1437 https://theredarchive.com/post/1437

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