There's a popular thread up about whether or not it's a good idea to compliment a woman.

The top comments all recommend that you don't compliment a girl on her looks. The underlying argument of this seems to be

  1. She already knows how hot/beautiful she is so telling her she is just feeds her ego and makes you "lesser"

  2. Everyone else is already telling her that so it's unoriginal, lame, and makes you like every other guy

The second premise sometimes leads other men to recommend you compliment her on something unique, like her fashion or her hairstyle. This does have merit, but it still misunderstands the fundamental nature of attraction and of self-esteem.

It's all silly overthinking.

Who a compliment comes from and if it is genuine is what matters.

The second factor is actually why a lot of guys miss out on girls who like them and genuine compliment them, but they get nervous and assume she's simply being polite (I know I've walked away from girls who complimented me before; I got nervous and assumed she was playing a game or something). This is the nature of self-esteem. Sometimes what you're told and what you feel are two different things.

But when you're told something from authority, you're far more likely to believe it. For women, the authorities are high value men. Those "likes" become a number. Yes, she hungers for them, but they are potato chips. That's why, despite mountains of attention and affection, the smoking hot Instagram girls seem to always be depressed and talk about haterz, some ex who hurt them, and how they feel alone. This is a woman who isn't loved by someone she loves.

If a guy she likes or finds attractive (for whatever reason) approaches her on the street and compliments her, she will LOVE it. It will make her shine. Have you ever seen a woman who is genuinely in love, infatuated, or has a huge crush on a guy? They become like teenage girls crushing on their teen idol. They blush, act silly, nervous, and do all sorts of cute shit.

Luckily, we're men and most of our attractiveness is non-physical. Yes, dressing well and having muscles does help, and a gorgeous face will carry you far, but the first two can be earned with money and effort, respectively, and the face, well, if you don't have it, you don't have it. Either cry about it or max your other departments.

Those help you get in the door. Other qualities, like pride, charisma, cunning, dominance - these are all massively attractive to women and they can smell this on you or read it on you in a few seconds.

I'm not saying every girl will like you. Girls have types, but she won't think you're yet another scrub. She will feel GENUINELY complimented by you, because your compliments MEAN something. The way you say it also matters (and your voice is probably your most attractive non-visual tool).

The argument that direct game and compliments don't work is bollocks. It is hollow. It is only confirmation bias. This is NOT to say that indirect game DOESN'T work. That's not the argument at hand. The argument is whether or not direct game (compliment-based and direct-intentions based) works - and it does. Choose whatever fits for you, but claim direct game is bad and you are patently spewing nonsense. You either haven't tried it or haven't done it right.

Should you compliment something unique about her, though? If you want. But telling a girl that she is fucking GORGEOUS with good intonation and rhythm (emphasis on the compliment, uptone in the beginning, and hard downtone at the end of the word and sentence) means whole hell of a lot more than "You have a good sense of fashion" in a low, cool tone. If you genuinely think she has good fashion, then tell her. I've used that plenty of times, but there's nothing wrong with a "Damn, you're CUTE!" either. If she doesn't respond well, I don't think she would have liked much else you have to say, either.

Girls don't need sophisticated wordplay. If anything, I strive to simplify my game at every turn.

Obviously don't go overboard with compliments. Have a normal conversation with her after you open direct, or, if you compliment throughout the conversation, go right back to your previous thread or a new thread after. And yes, you can overdo it, but you can overdo a lot of things; that doesn't don't do it right and at the right time.

Do not fear complimenting.

It works. Girls love it. And women respect the shit out of it. Also, it gets all the bullshit out of the way. She knows exactly what you want.

Become attractive (and as stated before, most of our attractiveness is non-genetic, i.e., height and face can be overcome) and learn to deliver your compliments with pzazz. Then, when you tell that hoe she's pretty, she's gonna fuckin' believe it.

Love,

Hector Castillo