Is it ever ok to let my LTR see a guy friend for lunch one on one?

Stayinghereforreal · 2014-12-18T21:09:14+00:00

She says " I met him in a club when he was visiting from Switzerland, and he was wondering if it was ok to go to lunch as he is visiting England again"

This is just some guy she met in a nightclub? I figured it would be some old buddy or professional contact. But some guy she met once, in a club?

Here is what you say: "Have you lost your mind? Are you seriously asking me for permission to go out on a date with some other guy?"

Then stare at her. If she does not immediately retract it and say, "Damn. I'm an idiot. Forget everything I just said. You are right", you dump her. If she argues or tries to pretend you have it wrong, just shake your head and say, "Nope. Not having it. I cannot believe you thought I would be okay with this."

If you keep her, tell her that you don't play the field while in a relationship. If she thinks that sort of thing is okay, she is dating the wrong guy. This is the only clarification on this point you will give. Then don't discuss it further.

And yeah, she knows damn well this was a date. If she tries to hamster out of that, tell her to not bother trying to fool you. She can fool herself, perhaps, but not you.

JakofClubs · 2014-12-18T21:15:22+00:00

If they are childhood friends or have been 'friends' for a long time then she can hang out with them.

A guy she met in a club? At the least this is emotional cheating and at the worst she wants to fuck him. Absolutely do not let her go with him:

You: Yeah you can go with him if you want but when you get back all of your stuff will be out on the curb.

failbirdtown · 2014-12-18T21:54:02+00:00

she straight away responded "ok I wont go, I respect your wishes". She has never behaved shady in the past and ive had no reason to ever suspect her, so far. I still think its weird.

philly2shoes · 2014-12-18T21:30:17+00:00

15 months of an LTR is long enough where she knows it's inappropriate to have lunch with a guy she met a while back in a club. My opinion is it's a shit-test and saying no is passing. She needs you to establish boundaries. I wouldn't be an asshole about it. Calmly express to her that to be honest this isn't something you consider appropriate to do while in a relationship. You wouldn't go and have lunch with a chick you met in a club a while back. This behavior isn't compatible with your expectations of a committed long term relationship. If she chooses to go anyway you've got your answer.

trapped_in_a_box · 2014-12-18T23:49:46+00:00

Male opinions notwithstanding, as a RPW I don't think there is any good reason for me to lunch with another man. Ever. Either you need to go too, or she doesn't need to go at all.

I used to fool myself into believing otherwise, but after really looking at my relationships with my male "friends", I realized there was no such thing, not really.

[deleted] · 2014-12-19T00:32:50+00:00

"If it was ok you wouldn't be asking me. He wants you fuck you and you know it."

cascadecombo · 2014-12-19T00:20:47+00:00

"that sounds more like a date. if ya wanna start dating again go for it.

now where did i put my phone..."

apollyon_jd · 2014-12-19T03:46:53+00:00

She's asking permission to see another dude? To me, it doesn't matter the relationship, her uncle, a friend she's known forever, some dude that knocked her boots off. If she's asking permission, she knows it's wrong. She answered her own question by starting it off by asking if it is ok.

Glenbert · 2014-12-21T13:55:27+00:00

I'm assuming you don't mean a book club?

RP_Student · 2014-12-18T22:24:09+00:00

Maybe I'm the only one but I read this as her attempting to open up a relationship that is not going so well.

fnordsnord · 2014-12-18T21:35:07+00:00

You're going to get a mixed bag of responses here.

No. He's wants to bang her. Because all dudes want to bang hot girls.
You shouldn't care. Mate guarding is beta behavior, and you shouldn't give a shit.

Your specific situation will be unique and hard to apply a general rule to.

My gut reaction, "If that's what you want to do. I'm not your daddy. I'll just have lunch with "name of your hottest ex."

[deleted] · 2014-12-18T21:02:23+00:00

nope

you should start internally questioning her values yesterday

depending on where you are in the relationship, I would either put my foot down and tell her it's a line she can't cross if she wants to stay in the LTR...

OR

...soft next, treat her like a plate while you browse your options outside of your relationship

Lizard_king_420 · 2014-12-18T22:07:21+00:00

If she thought highly of you she would want you to come along to meet him if he was truly just a friend.

KyfhoMyoba · 2014-12-19T00:18:21+00:00

I would ask this: "Just for shits and giggles, hypothetically speaking, why MIGHT it not be ok? Pretend you're a lawyer and got assigned the case to show that it's somehow bad and you'll get a lot of money if you win."

This trains her to start thinking things through.

Humankeg · 2014-12-19T04:29:35+00:00

You turn down sex? Maybe she figures she has to get her fill elsewhere...

NotQuiteRedPill · 2014-12-19T14:43:36+00:00

Ok. I know I'm probably beating a dead horse, but here goes. 1) This guy is not an old friend, but someone she met at a club. So he is new. This means she fooled around with him already and wants to again, fucked him already and wants to again, or really wants to do so. There is no innocent reason here. 2) If he were an old friend, women use "friend" to downplay someone they used to fuck. 3) It's possible an old friend could mean beta orbiter, but always assume what I wrote in #2, because she'll lie about it until caught.

Since #2 and #3 are both not true, you can only really assume #1 here.

Title	Is it ever ok to let my LTR see a guy friend for lunch one on one?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	34
Date	December 18, 2014 9:00 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2ppxe2/is_it_ever_ok_to_let_my_ltr_see_a_guy_friend_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-it-ever-ok-to-let-my-ltr-see-a-guy-friend-for.144565 https://theredarchive.com/post/144565

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