Anyone else feel they are looking more for validation more than a girl?

Audentes · 2018-05-23T21:00:22+00:00

You need to talk to someone bro. Friends, family, specialist, whomever.

Yeah, early on getting numbers and bringing women home is a huge self fulfilling prophecy of validating one's self. But you sound hung up on getting close to women out of fear of rejection or spitefulness on their part. Especially with that childhood story.

I know a lot of people here are just after the quick lay and getting over their approach anxiety, but a real meaningful relationship no matter how short or long is a very rewarding feeling for anyone. Even those of us that closed off the world and thought we didn't need or want it. You're infinitely more likely to find that if you can get your self worth going and over the hatred of past events. And you'll appreciate it when you do find it, no matter what happened to get you there.

EZ-Pizza · 2018-05-24T01:21:58+00:00

“I have a fleshlight and vr, I would get the same amount of pleasure from it.”

Does anyone else honestly believe this? I got a fleshlight after getting into an argument with my ex one night, thinking, “I’ll just get a fleshlight! Everyone says it’s just as good as the real thing! Ya! I don’t need her!”

...I couldn’t have been more underwhelmed after using it... it feels slightly better than a hand, sure, but not at all worth all the extra effort and money. If I unscrew the bottom, it feels way too loose. If I screw it on, there’s way too much suction and it just feels unnatural. If I want the sensation of fucking someone, I have to wedge it into my bed, but the angle my dick is at while kneeling on the floor doesn’t line up, and pretty much any other variation of holding it still while I fuck it just feels like me fucking a toy way more than it does fucking a woman. And don’t even get me started on cleaning and taking care of that thing; way more convenient to just use your trusty ol’ hand, IMO.

Idk, maybe it’s just me, but I think sex is waaayyyy more than just my penis going in and out of something. It’s all of the body contact, sensual kissing, skin slapping, her uncontrolled anticipation and moan/gasp when you finally slide inside of her, etc. I’ve had a long term relationship and I’ve also done the random, online hookup shit, and I can say for sure that what makes great sex is that deep connection you have with a person. Some people luck out and find that in a random, one night stand, but most of the time you’re only going to find that in a relationship.

I know that seems hard for you to believe since you’ve had some relationships in the past with super shitty outcomes, but there’s 3.5 billion women on this planet. Don’t let 2 of them speak for the rest. I’m not saying you should spend every waking minute of your life finding the perfect woman, but at the very least just have hope that they’re out there man. Good luck.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-05-23T23:14:39+00:00

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JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2018-05-24T00:28:15+00:00

Regarding the validation part, I can totally relate to this. Obviously I want sex with girls, but a lot of it is probably proving stuff to myself.

Things like not being as unattractive as I think I am, that girls do find me attractive, that the work I've put in to improve myself has paid off and is having effect, that I'm capable of attracting hot women.

subduedReality · 2018-05-23T23:30:18+00:00

The best feeling in the world: falling in love. The worst feeling in the world: being rejected by those you think love you.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-05-24T03:44:07+00:00

0

Anyone else feel they are looking more for validation more than a girl?

Isn't this kind of rhetorical? Of course, a lot of guys are looking for more than validation or casual sex. It all depends on what phase of life they're in.

Also, validation is a pretty weak thing to go for; a high that fades quick and leaves one a little too aware of their own lacking.

1

I will start off by saying I am not interested in banging a bunch of useless whores or small town girls that act like they aren't whores.

The issue is not really that you're offended that some women out there like casual sex, right? You don't really think that all small town girls "act like they aren't whores," implying that you think they're all whores. I don't think you truly believe this.

But what's clearly happened is that you've had some shitty experiences with shitty people. And the problem is that these kinds of experiences have a way of changing a person in ways that lead to them attracting more shitty experiences with shitty people. Which leads to people starting to believe that all girls are a certain way.

When really, they're just having a biased experience, due to factors that they weren't aware of. Often, factors that we don't always have a lot of control over.

For example, before I moved out and went back to school, I was surrounded by trailer trash, for lack of a better term. Once I took myself out of that environment, I was suddenly around a lot of people, women included, who wanted to make something out of their lives and were often actually trustworthy. There is often a socio-economic factor involved in the kind of people we have access to, unfortunately. My friends who didn't make it out and back to school, all pretty much settled down with some Jerry Springer levels of bullshit. Almost to a man, all the women they married had drug problems and/or cheated on them, even after they started families.

So take a look around where you live and consider whether you should do whatever it takes to get out. I gambled everything to get to a better place and every day that goes by, I'm happy I did.

2

a fleshlight isn't going to possibly give me an STD or report me to the police because I am low status and it doesn't want to ruin it's reputation.

Again, look at what you're saying here. Being worried about STDs is valid, but you're talking about a certain kind of girl here, arguably not the larger pool.

And the whole "girl reporting you because you're low status" thing is really not a thing.

There are manipulative and damaged women out there who might be so messed up that they might end up doing something like this, but they give off so many red flags, you'd have to be heavily drunk out of your mind not to notice.
The other reason a guy would be reported is if they pushed or tried to trick their way into further stages of physical escalation, without the girl really being into it. In which case, this also isn't hard to avoid either if you're tuned into the interaction and not trying to run the girl all around when she's not sober enough to know what's going on.

3

I know others will disagree with me and call me a tight ass but I've had three girlfriends in the past, first one at 14 told a bunch of dudes that I tried to rape her after we broke up

...next one was when I was 18, she told the police I was involved in a local burglary.....she cost me several jobs because I was arrested on a burglary charge(but not charged) which showed up on my background checks apparently.

Yeah, I'm really sorry to hear about this. You really won the shit lottery. And unfortunately, what happened to you starting at 14, has changed you to where you're probably more at risk for attracting messed up people and repelling people who aren't messed up.

And it also sounds like you grew up living in a shitty neighborhood/area where you're more likely to run into some really emotionally fucked up people.

Shitty neighborhoods tend to have higher instances of fucked up shit because of higher instances of drug addiction, criminal activity, broken families, and a host of issues that come from all those things.

4

After I had sex with her, I was pissed. I was pissed for years after words. I remember thinking, "This is what society bases a mans success on?!

Only, society doesn't, really. Some meatheads out there might be like, "So did you bang her?" and will be overly concerned with the sexual exploits of those around them.

These aren't the people for you.

Other people care about more than this. You're unfortunately stuck around the wrong people, and there are others out there who don't prioritize the same values.

5

Its like every few months, I meet some girl, and she doesn't have the same redflags as the other ones, and we get along really well. She beautiful and interesting, but I never jump on moving forward because when I see her again in real life, all motivation to do anything quickly drops. But when she gets a boyfriend, I feel like I missed out and waited too long. And then I just feel sad.

It's one of the worst aspects of having dealt with the sorts of messed up girls dealt with when you were younger. The whole "once bitten, twice shy," thing is true.

It's going to take some time to realize that not every girl is the same as the few you've run into who were so messed up. You have to get out there and make friends and get to know people.

6

I started to realize, I am more looking for validation, that I am doing well and I am successful and attractive, more than I am lonely. Does anyone else here feel that way?

I grew up in a declining neighborhood that had a lot of messed up things like what you dealt with. It leads to some dysfunctional behavior on the part of men and women. Kind of like the Jerry Springer Effect. People acting in trashy ways.

I can definitely relate. And it's rough. It does feel like people just can't be trusted. Only this is not true. Some cannot be, but others can and the ironic thing is, if you treat everyone as if they can't be trusted, the trustworthy ones will be pushed away and the ones who'll stick around will be the ones you actually can't trust.

eveningneat · 2018-05-23T22:40:38+00:00

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2018-05-24T02:43:38+00:00

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senddita · 2018-05-24T03:31:58+00:00

You aren’t ‘low status’, stop putting yourself down like that bro. Get out and meet people, set goals and work towards them, you can start developing a cool life filled with things that inspire and better you, not for validation from others but for yourself and your happiness.

Also a girl thats open about her sexuality isn’t a whore either, you can’t sit on the fence and make those calls, stop judging people for enjoying sex. You don’t need to bed every girl you meet if that’s not your thing but dating is meant to be fun, just enjoy the process.

And your exes sound horrible man but I promise you there’s plenty of hot, cool, down to earth girls out there and when you meet one you like, you won’t fuck it up from lack of experience

2018-05-24T01:44:04+00:00

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pru51 · 2018-05-24T02:55:22+00:00

Style became a serial cheater on his wife because he needed the validation. It's a very destructive path if you need that to be ok with yourself.

plowzedong · 2018-05-24T13:14:42+00:00

I have a fleshlight and vr, I would get the same amount of pleasure from it.

Another seddit success story

rawbface · 2018-05-24T14:39:40+00:00

You've got baggage, friend. The good news is that it sounds like you're one step above incels, because you realize that having sex with a bunch of women is not the cure.

To answer your question, I definitely do feel that way, as do many others. I had my fun when I was younger, slept around aimlessly, and it was less than fulfilling. The main benefit was learning that the advice on this sub works. What did help was all the background stuff that incels seem to ignore. Being healthy, staying fit, having productive hobbies and artistic pursuits, living an interesting life, etc. These are the things that actually gave me validation and made me feel successful. Seduction is just a bonus at that point. You really can't fake confidence. It comes from truly believing you have value.

-SADGIRL- · 2018-05-24T00:04:20+00:00

Wait - are you sure? It sounds like you are living with something similar to learned helpless ness lol but rather, after so many betrayals you lose trust in it being worth doing.

Which, fuck, those betrayals suck, and I'm really sorry.

But if you like girls and think about them, well that's just plain attraction and that's it.

But oh - but sure, you also just want validation too. But not just, cause you can't really turn off attraction, no matter how much it gets repressed.

Honest me, I'm trying to reconnect with my sexuality, and find some way of trusting girls again in relationships, or maybe a guy since I'm biromantic but probably not but I dunno how sexual I really am. But anyway the point of my "honest me" is to say that I don't want to give up on meeting someone good. I see that I have huge trust issues in relationships, and want to find a way to trust others - which IMO begins with when I can trust myself not to let others use me like they've done.

Anyway sorry if my rambling was unappreciated. Most my posts get ignored, but many of them get hated on lol. I just talk kinda weird and make presumptions I guess?

2018-05-24T01:06:45+00:00

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Rose_Thug · 2018-05-23T22:44:54+00:00

Hahaha what the fuck dude... Ive bedded 100s of woman and never had this problem. The worst ive had is threats of suicide and fake pregnancies to try to tie me down.

You either choose absolute crazy bitches or have been REALLY unlucky.

Also, a fleshlight and VR will never even come close to comparing to the real thing.

Youve got some issues that you need to work through my man. Get help.

Title	Anyone else feel they are looking more for validation more than a girl?
Author	eveningneat
Upvotes	199
Comments	38
Date	May 23, 2018 8:15 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8lmjlm/anyone_else_feel_they_are_looking_more_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/anyone-else-feel-they-are-looking-more-for.1447122 https://theredarchive.com/post/1447122

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