How do I stop feeling shitty the next day after having no success

IAMTHESmoothOperator · 2019-02-24T17:45:44+00:00

Have other things in your life you want to do.

DarkArtsPUA11 · 2019-02-24T20:58:07+00:00

You need to feel shitty in order to change. I don’t think you feel shitty enough. If you want to improve and get results you first need to put yourself in more painful situations

Kenic_In_MD · 2019-02-24T18:26:52+00:00

Remember that there is always tomorrow. Keep in mind, that next girl may be the one that bites and you are just one more "no" away from success!

could just be a winter thing

Winter is known as cuffing season for a reason. It's the holidays, and all the cute single girls are basically in hibernation. Spring/summer us single dudes thrive.

imtheoneimmortal · 2019-02-24T22:02:33+00:00

Going to gym so you have good mindset and good body to re approach

It’s feedback loop

djdante · 2019-02-24T21:42:12+00:00

This might sound counter-intutitve - But one of the worst things to become obsessed with it being successsful with women.

Too many guys focus all their energy one being successful, and it makes any kind of failure a gruesome experience.

Imagine if you regularly went out and your focus was.

1) How much can I learn in one pickup session?

2) How can I have fun?

So instead of wanting to be successful you're focussed on learning and having fun.

If you aren't consistently failing, then you aren't consistently learning, so you mind as well be purposely trying to learn and feeling great about how much you are learning, than purposely trying not to fail, and being disappointed.

And if you aren't having fun, women aren't going to want to be around you, so you mind as well be purposely working on having fun.

Another way to think about this is, you have to stop focusing on women's responses to you, and focus more heavily on what you can control - What you do and say and what you learn, and how enjoyable it is.

Varsel · 2019-02-25T01:33:31+00:00

Stop fixating on success or failure, and disappointment will subside:

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/letting-go-of-attachment-from-a-to-zen/

Focus more on the journey (process), and less on the destination (result). Practice is the key, so any opportunity you squander is cheating yourself. You learn to play chess by playing chess, which means in the beginning you are going to get your ass handed to you a lot. Each loss should be a learning experience. Success or failure means nothing early on, but if you lose a game and learn nothing, then you should consider that a real failure.

NormalFemale · 2019-02-25T01:45:24+00:00

I think it could be a winter thing. When it's cold out, it effects your state of mind.

I want to pretty much stay home and sleep after work and shovelling snow!

__Kevin__ · 2019-02-25T02:22:36+00:00

recyclablebanthas · 2019-02-25T03:15:30+00:00

1

Before winter hit (December) I had a decent amount of success hitting on girls when out (IOIs, makeouts, numbers, no lays though). But I've been in a slump since then. I think because I haven't gotten laid in almost a year

This may happen from time to time...... depending on the situation in your life, emotionally, or just logistically.

2

I've been taking rejection too personally and lay in my bed the next morning after a night out for hours feeling down about not getting any ass.

You identify that at least one problem comes from your mindset. Shit is going to happen, but it'll definitely snowball if you're spending time dwelling on the rejections like this.

Also, I'll point out that you're kind of defining your personal worth by whether you got any ass. You're defining yourself according to the results of social interactions that involve another person who has 50% control over what happens. The obvious problems with this:

You're resting your emotional well-being on something outside of yourself, that's out of your control, really.
Ironically, you're unintentionally monkey-wrenching yourself in social situations, by spending time in all these funks, because that stuff will lead to actions and thoughts that are counter-productive to what you want.

3

It's funny because the past 2 nights out I barely even approached a girl and still felt shitty the next morning. I know what I have to do, because I've been able to do it.

It's not funny, it's predictable. If you are anti-social (barely interact with girls), then you're choosing not to navigate the social interactions necessary to get the outcome of sex.

And if you define too much of your worth according to how much sex you get, then you're going to feel shitty.

As for what you think you "have to do," to turn this around, I think the mindset revealed is part of the problem.

4

Stop taking rejection personally

Stop feeling down

One doesn't just "stop" doing these things, anymore than someone can just "be attractive."

The problem here is that this is on your list of things "to do," but like the mindset that's keeping you down, it's all results oriented, with nothing clear in the way of awareness for the process involved with getting those results.

5

Have a happier/abundance mindset

Again, this is results oriented, with no treatment at all for how to get there. And worse, everything preceding this is almost geared for the opposite result.

6

How do I get back to approaching and not feeling down like this?

The thing I'd say is:

Your past success represents progress, not but a lasting success
Your past success was built on a house of cards when it comes to your mindset

Here are some things to consider, to rebuild your foundation stronger so that your mindset won't be so fragile that not getting laid won't destroy it.

Examine your social life
- If you're not finding a variety of social clubs, groups, and events to join, you are leaving much untapped.
- If cold approach is the primary way you're meeting new people, or new women, then you're doing it wrong and squandering many possibilities.
Try to find ways to self-validate
- You cannot depend on others as a source of validation, as you're doing when you feel shitty about not getting laid. To the extent that you're doing this now, you can see that it's not sustainable or reliable.
- Look for ways to diversify the things you get validation from: having good friends, multiple friend circles, and challenging yourself/pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone (in a new hobby, perhaps), can be ways to accomplish this.

TwistedMage93 · 2019-02-25T10:18:47+00:00

Just keep in mind that if youre a man and youre not attractive phisically, you will get rejected multiple times by attractive girls and even average looking girls, at bars,clubs,Tinder,POF,etc

My advice is that if youre are trying to get girls at such places...stop doing it...your self-steem might get hurt because u will get rejected over and over again with a little or even zero success. I used to do that, and i had to quit because my self-steem was decreasing really bad.Those (Pubs,bar,clubs,tinder,pof) are literally shallow places-sites, so if a girl isn't attracted to you at first glance ,at least a little bit,there is no chance that something will happen...sad but true, my friend.

slickestwood · 2019-02-25T15:09:18+00:00

I'd love to tell you to "get over it" and have it end there, but I know firsthand that doesn't always work. Sometimes you can't help but to dwell on things and feel shitty, so the trick is to not let yourself sit around and dwell. I have like a "next day" routine at this point of squeezing in an extra long session at the gym and finding something new and challenging to cook and it does wonders. Or I find something outdoorsy to do weather permitting. Keeps my mind off things and I end up feeling better about myself than I did at the start of the day.

Kruppstahlterminator · 2019-02-26T08:33:01+00:00

When going out you should always focuse on having fun with your friends. Then you wake up the next morning remembering a great night

iamjosan · 2019-02-24T22:20:15+00:00

I don't think the problem are your feelings rather your reality. You haven't gotten laid in a year and you SHOULD feel shitty about that.

I don't know how much effort you have actually put into this, but I think it's time to go back to the drawing board.

What I would do is take a few days break, then sit down and asses my situation. Create an actionable plan to get laid and then follow it.

I don't know what you look like, but if you don't look good looking enough, you're not going to get very far. Don't be fooled by the "master" PUAs who say looks don't matter because they very much do, especially when getting laid.

Title	How do I stop feeling shitty the next day after having no success
Author	bwoidem
Upvotes	11
Comments	21
Date	February 24, 2019 5:13 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/au9zo1/how_do_i_stop_feeling_shitty_the_next_day_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-stop-feeling-shitty-the-next-day-after.1463110 https://theredarchive.com/post/1463110

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