Alright so been a lurker of this subreddit for quite some time now, and learned quite a lot. Over the past few months I've gone from never having made an approach to pretty good at regularly making approaches and getting numbers. I have a LONG way to go when it comes to following up and going on dates and I'm torn between spinning plates or pursuing someone that I already know wants a relationship but will want to move a lot slower than I'd like to physically.

Anyway, a bit confused because I'm really stuck in this tension-filled situation, which I won't go into specifically - but it requires me to make a decision pretty quickly.

On this subreddit I've seen lots of great advice, but specifically these two general tips:

  1. Don't take yourself so seriously, have fun with girls, don't try to plan exactly what will happen, go with the flow and enjoy yourself and take her along for the ride
  2. Be goal oriented, know what you want and make sure you're always moving towards that goal, effectively cut out anyone who isn't helping you towards that goal

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How does one realistically balance these two bits of advice? Which would mean to be light-hearted yet focused. Driven yet relaxed. Going with the flow but always pressing forward. A paradox to me it seems.

It seems like on one hand, it's easy to become like a puppy and get distracted by every fun opportunity, while on the other hand it's easy to get stressed out and fixated on a goal (or trying to come up with a goal), ending up paralyzed in the process (I'm slightly more like the 2nd example).