Why being relationship focused man are bad?

Captain_w00t · 2020-12-17T12:11:45+00:00

I’d burn books saying something like that.

In general, being focused only in having a relationship is bad because you’re linking happiness with being in a relationship, while happiness should come from other aspects which you have control.

That said, there’s nothing wrong in being in a relationship AND keeping to stay attractive. It’s not easy, depending on several reasons, in the long term, but it’s up to you how to handle it.

Don’t follow advices like that, but if you ever go for a relationship, don’t forget to keep yourself up to standards.

Tiesza · 2020-12-17T16:52:36+00:00

I understand a lot of materials for picking up, seduction and relationship are confusing. It is different, but also same. In a way. From my own experience - seducing and having a relationship is different. As you seduce, nearly every book gives you advice to be the best man you can find in yourself. Good looking, strong, well behaved, relaxed and so on. But in a LTR, that is different. Way different. You are going to see your girl sad, without makeup, being hurt and so on. And you will be, and should be the same. You can not hide your sensitive side for ever and you know what? If you try to, women will feel that something is not being right and leave you. They want GENUINE man. You can show sadness and weak side, but that does not mean you are going be whiny every day.

And definitely, you can be relationship focused. Why not? The real interpretation should be: Men, who are relationship focused only in their life are bad. If you do not have any other focus and you are only living and feeding your life joy out of relationship, that is desperate and bad.

TheGreekIsOne · 2020-12-17T20:14:37+00:00

Read “The Way of The Superior Man” by David Deida

You can also look up other sources of information to back up why a mans mission is more important.

daproest1 · 2020-12-17T22:14:53+00:00

The reason you can’t find a “logical reason” is because there is none. The parts of our brain that govern lust, “love”, attraction, and relationships, is millions of years old.

When they say not to be relationship focused, they mean when u meet a girl. SHE should want your commitment. The other way around is a turn off. It comes off as needy and restrictive. They’re not consciously aware of this. They’ll argue with me about it to death. That’s fine. Reality/nature doesn’t care about my feelings, your feelings, their feelings, or any “logic”.

NOW, that being said, once in a relationship, you cant ever stop courting or dating your woman as a man. This is where I think you’re misinterpreting things. She WILL leave. Women are governed by their emotions. You can’t ever get comfortable. You’re never safe. She’s not your mom. She won’t love u thru thick and thin. A woman’s love IS conditional. She’ll adore you as long as you’re the best she’s had. Of is she has no other options. As long as you make her feel good. The moment her perception of you changes, not only will she leave, but there’s the very real possibility that she will absolutely hate you after.

Czekraft · 2020-12-18T02:08:23+00:00

Because if you focus on the relationship, then you have nothing to show for it outside of the relationship, and then the attraction is gone.

Even though it may not be apparent to her, women actually like it when the guy is very busy working, hanging out with friends, doing his hobbies. It makes her miss him and appreciate the time they spend together, so when he does take a break from his life she'll get what she's been craving.

That taking a break is the maintaining attraction part because if she doesn't see you for some time then she'll eventually get bored or forget that you exist or think you're not worth chasing anymore.

okletsg0 · 2020-12-17T11:33:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TravonM · 2020-12-17T21:47:45+00:00

If you focus on being as attractive as possible, women will want to be in a relationship with you. Then from there you can decide the kind of relationships you want to create.

Ket_om · 2020-12-17T23:29:35+00:00

It obviously isn't bad being a man and knowing what you want. That mentality is most likely confusing being on your grind and focusing on yourself with not caring in a relationship. You should always put self love first but in a relationship if you decide to get into one it is then your job to treat her right and maintain. If you dont want a relationship or don't care for one then dont get in one. Also if you're a fit attractive man out of a relationship you should NEVER stop being that person.

tesaruldelumini · 2020-12-18T04:43:41+00:00

99 percent of so called self improvement books promote bullshit and are full of broscience.

Don't take them too literally.

Yana-Malian-Fun · 2020-12-18T07:46:44+00:00

Always be true to yourself. The right person will appreciate you.

Visualize_ · 2020-12-18T20:26:01+00:00

I think that advice is often conveyed to an extreme, perhaps maybe because the majority of the audience reading it is on the other side, so by stating the polar opposite, it tries to "shock" them in to realizing why they need to transition away from where they are at now. In reality, the most optimal place is to be inbetween where you are focused on the relationship, and also just improving yourself which are not mutually exclusive things. Being overly relationship focused is bad because perhaps it kills attraction when a woman is your everything and its overall bad if you just crumble because you lose her. Having no focus on the relationship is bad because eventually she will realize how one sided it is, and if she has any self-respect she should be dipping ASAP.

So yeah, just be in between. Don't get complacent while you are in a relationship, but also put in an equal amount of work in the relationship if you are looking for something stable. Oh I forgot to mention this is in the frame of being in the relationship already. I would agree with this quote if its in the frame where you aren't in a relationship yet. At the very start its better if the woman is has more investment and you don't convey like you are desperate to get a girlfriend.

TosACoinToYourSwitch · 2020-12-24T23:11:01+00:00

Bad advice.

I'm kinda done with casual sex as a person if there is not a big kink element involved. If it's not BDSM, casual group sex, something of that nature? And even then, one night stand shit is no longer worth it or fulfilling for me.

Even in a casual realm I am "relationship focused" in that if someone is worth my time to fuck once, they're worth fucking more than once, so I want a FWBs arrangement and to fuck them a while. But my overall desires are towards relationships and intimacy and that is what I actively pursue.

There is no logical reason. If you want to be relationship focused, that's fine. The only thing about it is that if you want to be successfully relationship focused, you have to know yourself and your needs, and know who not just you are attracted to but who works well with you interpersonally, much moreso than casual sex. Lots of people on this sub are looking for how to date and find a partner, how to seduce a girl into a relationship.

Its every bit as valid a goal as wanting to go fuck randoms.

Title	Why being relationship focused man are bad?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	19
Comments	25
Date	December 17, 2020 11:05 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kevhx4/why_being_relationship_focused_man_are_bad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-being-relationship-focused-man-are-bad.1507262 https://theredarchive.com/post/1507262

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