I'm at a loss. It's like I'm hitting some kind of low point. It's hard to put into words, but let me try to keep it short. Over the past six years, from college till now, I've only been on about 6 or 7 dates, and they never really went beyond just that – dates. With one these dates i had my first time with 27. I'm just worn out. Sure, I match with people on Tinder, Bumble, you name it, but the whole texting game drains me. I hardly ever bother to reply. So, I tried to switch things up: started asking out girls I actually know for coffee. But it always ends at just coffee. I know I'm not the smoothest when it comes to flirting; maybe I come off too friendly instead of romantic.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I asked a college friend for coffee, and we even went out partying with her friends, but then... silence. I thought she was into me, especially after some heavy flirting at a party a couple of months back. I know there's room for improvement, but how much do I have to change? Why does it feel like I have to overhaul myself just to show someone I'm interested?

And why did I have to fall for my best friend? Couldn't it have been someone random, someone I wouldn't risk hurting? I have enough other female friends and surround myself with other so why did it need to stuck with her?

I thought moving to the city would shake things up, but it's only made it worse. Forty hours a week at a job that feels so dull and lifeless; it's the epitome of boring. Yes, I'm involved in theatre, improv classes, and I pursue my hobbies, and I have great friends. I'm not saying I don't get matches, and I'm not the ugliest guy around, but I'm just so drained. I don't mean to sound like I'm boasting; there's not much to boast about. I'm just not feeling much joy these days. It's all just so monotonous and uninspiring. What am I missing? Why does it have to be this hard?