What is the best way to respond to misandry?

[deleted] · 2024-04-30T02:30:14+00:00

It depends on where the misandry is coming from. If it's friends or loved ones, show them the true implications of their statements; ask them if they also think of you that way. If they say "no, you're not like other men; you're special", assert that you identify as a man, and that you are just as much a man as any other; you are not a "special one", and need not be special to be inherently good and worthy of human dignity. Make it known to them that most other men are just as decent and human as you are.

Avrangor · 2024-04-30T02:54:47+00:00

On the internet? Probably the best way to respond is to not respond at all. Misandry is widespread and sometimes it is concealed as support for women’s issues so you’ll be going against both misandrists AND misguided people. You’ll be outnumbered and the dismissal of these issues can erode your mental health as it happened to me.

In real life people are way more chill because they see you as a human being rather than a profile picture. I’ve encountered brainrot gender politics in real life much less often as well but if the misandry is coming from your close ones you can perhaps talk to them about how their language hurts you.

If the online misandry is weighing on your mind I suggest removing yourself from these places where misandry is common. For example if you see a post about a female rapists you might want to avoid checking the comments or you might want to leave spaces where gender politics are discussed. If you are a victim of abuse you I suggest trying male only spaces as they are much more accepting of male victims.

If you are randomly remembering the misandristic comments I suggest the moment that these thoughts pop into your head you take a deep breath and try to think of something else, preferably something that you can think about further. This worked very well on me, and I’m someone whose mind doesn’t shut up.

GAMESnotVIOLENT · 2024-04-30T03:46:50+00:00

Be calm. Refuse to engage on anything but the topic. Don't let them deflect. The socratic method will pull out their ugliness, so you just hammer away at it until they inevitably start the Hitler speech. Once they do, you shame them.

"You really think all men are that terrible? What right do you have to condemn four billion people? Why are you being so hateful?"

Most feminists/misandrists are women, and women are generally more susceptible to shaming. Meanwhile, men rarely use shaming. Furthermore, women tend to not call out misandry, so feminists are completely unused to being shamed for their sexism. If you, a man, shame them, a woman, for sexism, it is an entirely foreign and disruptive experience that strikes what is likely a vulnerable part of their psychology. They will fumble the conversation and they will make a fool of themself.

odeacon · 2024-04-30T10:58:03+00:00

Just repeat the statement but switching men with women and vice versa

ugavini · 2024-04-30T11:46:27+00:00

I think the best thing to do is calmly and rationally call them out and tell them you consider what they said to be misandry. Without getting ugly.

This is pretty hard to do and will for the most part not help at all. Most misandrists can't even see that what they are doing is wrong and will have plenty of ways to explain it to themselves. None of which will make sense to you as an egalitarian. But they are caught up in the propaganda and think they are on 'the right side'.

Usually you just have to let it go. You're not going to change their mind. But maybe, just maybe if enough men and allies explain calmly why they think the person is being a bigot, it might eventually get through to them. But if you engage aggressively, this will not be a possibility.

YetAgain67 · 2024-04-30T17:15:11+00:00

That's the shitty thing: Any response pushing back against misandry no matter how mild mannered, nuanced, or well reasoned is AUTOMATICALLY seen as misogynist.

Its a real pickle.

jpla86 · 2024-04-30T22:42:47+00:00

Unfortunately, you can forget about calling out misandry on social media. You're going to be greatly outnumbered if you go on Twitter and call out a woman who's talking shit about men. Women are protected on social media and unlike men, women will come to each others defense like an army calling in reinforcements if you try to call out a woman's misandry.

If you're going to call out misandry be prepared to fight alone because you're going to be a one-man army.

Sakebigoe · 2024-04-30T03:27:34+00:00

In my opinion the best way to respond to misandry is to not respond at all. If it's in person I make note of it and endeavor to interact with that person less and if its online I just block that person and move on with my life. It does no good to you or anyone else to get bent out of shape, but it also does you no good to have that kind of negativity in your life. The only time I actually respond is when it's a close friend or family member, I might actually be able to change their way of thinking but with strangers or loose acquaintances it's just not worth the effort.

no_user_ID_found · 2024-04-30T13:20:59+00:00

What did I do to you again?

WeEatBabies · 2024-04-30T13:25:14+00:00

I usually tell them to go post what they just said on their Facebook for their friends and family to see, I also add the stipulation that they must replace "men" by "black people".

I have yet to see anyone doing it!

LucastheMystic · 2024-04-30T15:09:30+00:00

Like all bigotries, Misandry/Androphobia exists on a spectrum. Being able to identify what type of bigotry you're dealing with determines response. I'll give some examples:

The Man vs. Bear discourse. I am not too bothered by it because if it's a Black Bear (Bears are unfairly demonized... like Men), I'll choose it over most people. However, it is good to gently challenge them on why? Usually, they will bring up something that signals a fear of Men. If a Woman or Man is genuinely fearful of Men, that is a trauma response, and you'd want to tread lightly. If not, then you can ask why must we assume the worst Men?

The Skittles Analogy. Honestly, I just point out that they are shamelessly ripping a racist analogy from the Trump Campaign and that it has been used to demonize Muslims and Latin Americans. "If you understand that using that analogy against them is racist, what does that say about your use of it in regards to Men?". From a Black and Gay Perspective, I'm very very sensitive to these types of analogies, because I hear them first from Racists and Homophobes.

Now it Misandry comes from a Man, it really depends on if they are a Trad or a Progressive. If Traditionalist, I'd completely dismantle Manhood as a static construct that all Men must be confined to. If Progressive, I tend to keep them at arms length or avoid them altogether, they (in my experience) are manipulative little shits and 80% of Male Feminists that I encounter trigger my fight or flight response (It's why I explcitly only learn about Feminist theories from Women). I also tend to remind Women that their "Male Allies" are some of the worst allies a group can ask for.

SerialMurderer · 2024-04-30T11:20:43+00:00

If you think the general state of things is bad, wait till you hear about the “divest” movement. Craziest stuff I’ve heard.

eli_ashe · 2024-04-30T04:36:33+00:00

I'd suggest browsing through the posts here some to get a sense of the way we've discussed it. It can be helpful and insightful if you're fairly new to it. There is active push back against the more misogynistic framings of the problem here, tho it can be a bit dicey at times.

I've tended to approach this by utilizing a 'heteronormative dynamic with a significant queer component' framework, as this tends to put the whole thing on a more or less level playing field, when speaking of gendered issues. There are several links in that post to resources of folks discussing some of the relevant points.

Another good wind to tact yourself too is history. There are a lot of examples of the kinds of misandrist behavior historically to point to. Lynchings, genocides, wars, honor killings, and so forth, have all oft enough been justified by misandrist hot takes on things, especially as regards concerns bout sexuality.

Fwiw I've tried mostly posting in this sub resources that I think can be helpful for folks interested in taking the heat to people irl or online, especially in a way that isn't misogynistic. So you might find something useful by browsing through my posts here. I've certainly found them useful for such over the years.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-04-30T22:17:20+00:00

Just disagree with the claim itself. Like if she says all men are jerks, say you disagree and can't generalize all men like that.

StarZax · 2024-05-01T01:37:57+00:00

Sometimes I do like to confront people about their bigotry. By ignoring this stuff we allow them to spread, I don't like that.

That depends, if it's just a single comment out of nowhere, then I would call them out, if it's some people that are tweeting and supporting each other in their bullshit, yeah there's no use, you're just going to loose some braincells and a lot of time/hope for humanity.

I see a lot more people calling this shit out anyway

If you think about what you think, you're not going to become like them. I used to be afraid of the same thing, sometimes I'm still wondering, but the truth is I'm really not like them. I might laugh at some jokes about women, sure, and some people might think I'm a misogynist because I lean more towards anti-feminism than feminism, but I know I don't hate women, I do specifically hate those who hate men (so by extension, those who hate me just because of what I am)

Some people will try to convince you that you hate women because you hate them and they happen to be a woman tho ... I've met some people like that and it's always pretty weird.

Equivalent-Wheel-588 · 2024-05-01T13:35:07+00:00

Expose their hypocrisy

Skirt_Douglas · 2024-04-30T14:13:22+00:00

I don’t understand why you think responding to misandry without crossing into misogyny is the difficult feat that it requires so much pondering.

You see misandry, call it out, explain why it’s wrong, and don’t demonize women while doing it, it’s that simple.

Weegemonster5000 · 2024-04-30T02:40:26+00:00

Whenever I get that kind of stuff, be it racism or sexism or whatever I say, they're just people.

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