Best way for women in their late 20’s to secure marriage from HVM?

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-05-29T20:36:36+00:00

I'm going avoid defining the "HVM" descriptor and advise you to define it, concisely. What do you need from a man? Lori Gottlieb asks this in Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, which has a terrible title and focuses much more on what's actually out there in the dating world than it does "settling." Limit your answer to five qualifiers, such as:

potential for attraction - Women really seem to struggle with this. It doesn't mean a man who will stop you in your tracks with his classic good looks. It means someone you can grow to find genuinely attractive. For most women, if they're honest, that usually just means a man who isn't unattractive. Consider the actual stats on height. 5'10" is average in the U.S. Only 14% of men are over 6' tall. 2/3 of men experience significant hairloss by 35. It's important to be realistic about what's actually out there in the dating pool.
similar worldviews - Religion, politics, important of family, financial priorities... all of these are make or break deals for most people and for good reason.
similar life goals - I went out with a 34-year-old who "didn't know" if he wanted kids. That was our first and only date. If he's 34 and doesn't know if he wants kids, there's a 90% chance he doesn't. Don't waste time with a man who doesn't want the life you want.

These are the top three I recommend, but you can add income level, career ambition, caring about the environment, whatever. The point is, you need to limit these requirements to a maximum of five. If a man fits them, even if the conversation maybe isn't going well on an OLD app (and you feel safe), he gets a real chance. Every time. Once I started doing this, I met my husband about six to nine months later.

I did go on one too many dates with a very nice man who looked far too much like Gollum without his hat. I also went on one too many dates with a man who was 5'7" (which was fine), but easily 40 pounds heavier than his not slender photos. Was it awkward walking to my car, praying the first one didn't kiss me? Not as awkward as the one who tried, when I went in for a hug. Those moments will happen. You'll want the earth to swallow you whole. Then, you'll go home and try again, because that's how you meet someone. You try... to meet men, to be attracted to them, to form a connection. There are no soulmates. Life is not a paranormal romance novel. If you don't want to be alone on your 30th birthday, it's going to take effort.

The biggest problem I see with women today, is the assumption that they have endless options, due to dating apps. It doesn't matter if you live in a suburb of Oklahoma City or the heart of NYC. Your options are finite. You will run out of men you would date, who will date you. Stop blowing them off for a laundry list of frivolous reasons. They will remember you ghosted them when you come around two years closer to 30 and send them another message. Men have feelings too and are largely treated like dirt on dating apps. So go out with the guy who's allergic to cats, even though you love cats, but don't have one.

I once declared I'd never date a redhead, under 6' tall, who didn't like cats. I'm glad I got over myself, because the baby boy over my shoulder might have his Daddy's red hair... and he caved on the cat.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2024-05-29T19:41:28+00:00

Men around that age are probably looking to get married, so don’t date younger. Probably aim for early-mid 30’s men.

Focus on being the best version of yourself. I know a lot of the time in this sub people focus on cooking and cleaning, but I would say it’s just as important to have some kind of hobby or passion to be a HVW. If you like chess, or hiking, or Pilates, or video games, or anything, it makes you 10x more interesting to men. I think a lot of especially high value men like to know that you can keep yourself occupied when they aren’t mentally or physically available. Hobbies and interests lend to that.

The obvious one: get your weight to a good size for your body. For some women this is very skinny like 18bmi, for some it’s more around 23. Get to the size that suits you best. Studies have shown the higher earner the man is, the more he prefers slimmer figures on average.

basedviet · 2024-05-29T20:22:18+00:00

Hi there, guy here. I met my wife when she was 27, we got engaged when she was 28, married a few months later and she is now expecting our first son at 29. She was in nun mode for 7 years prior and when God told her to date again, she committed to being married and a mother before 30. Here are some of her insights:

Be intentional about dating. We met on Bumble and she set her filters to Christian, Conservative and under 40 (I was 37 at the time) It is very important to find someone who shares your world view. Some women can be overly picky when it comes to their "type" but values should not be compromised on. Not all, but a lot of guys in their late 20s are not ready to settle down yet, myself included. Set your age limit to whatever you feel comfortable, but it is pretty easy to see the benefits of marrying someone older. As you get older, the age gap really does not matter.

Don't chase "the spark", let attraction grow over time and always go on a second date (there are some exceptions to this, but generally speaking, give a guy two dates). Let the man pursue you and be reciprocal with your time, energy and effort.

Be fit, feminine and friendly. Take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually, wear cute dresses and be warm and approachable.

As far as what kind of men to date, I would recommend keeping an open mind. So many high quality men get overlooked simply because on the surface they aren't someone's "type". We all have preferences and that's totally fine but sometimes going out of our comfort zone can lead to incredible things. For example, I'm Asian American and my wife is white and I was the first asian she had ever dated.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-05-29T21:46:08+00:00

As others have said, you're going to need to define what HVM means to you.

For example, I don't consider men who get wrapped up in a woman's games HV as they're going to be less effective at achieving what they value in life, but many tactics on how to marry wealthy men rely on identifying and manipulating wealthy men who are insecure and respond to an emotional roller coaster. And many these days use HV as a synonym for wealthy.

Here's the list of questions you need to ask yourself to find a husband:

What kind of man do you want?
What does the kind of man you want, want in a woman?
How can you turn into that kind of woman?
Where does the kind of man you want spend his time - where is he meetable?

Highly recommend The Surrendered Single by Laura Doyle.

Vermillion-Rx · 2024-05-30T10:52:32+00:00

As others have pointed out, HVM is undefined in your post. I am going to just go with the TRP standard of what we tell men to try to aim for (Chad with money, which may be excessive to you) unless you explain it otherwise:

HVM basically being an alphabux (A chad (attractive/masculine/good in bed) with money.

I'm going to answer this question as if you are trying to get a top 5% male (1/20 of men). A top 20% male (1/5 of men) will be MUCH LESS competitive than this, but still a good mate choice (so keep that in mind).

To the readers: If trying to compete for a top 5% is too stressful, a Chad is not for you, much less a financially well off Chad. You will have to check your hypergamy at the door and realize there is a breaking point to the stress of trying to lock down a man with a ton of value and a ton of options of his own.

1 Physical attractiveness

This is the hardest pill to swallow here and is going to be where some stop reading because they would like to believe otherwise/don't want to accept top 5% male psychology/still clinging on to feminist promises of "men should just xyz/you deserve the world"

Men are most aroused by visual stimulation (period). Our brains also evolved to focus on fertility cues of women who could carry our offspring to birth. Too thin is malnourished, too obese indicates some kind of hormonal or other health issues. Women who were fit but had fat distributed on on their hips, butt, and breasts (hourglass shape) were healthy and fertile and most able to reproduce without issue.

You might not like it, but for top 5 men with abundant CHOICES, if you are too overweight, or very thin, this is going to be your biggest obstacle hands down in being appealing to a HVM. Don't worry about breast size, which is too varied on male preference, just don't be too thin or too overweight. Hit the gym or stop overeating (or eating like garbage).

Your weight and figure matters more than your face in a lot of cases. The rest can be managed with good hairstyles and light amounts makeup.

WHY?

You also might not like this, but top 5% HVM are not like average men. Unlike average men, who have to pursue and put in the work for nearly all prospects, Top 5+% HVM men get a lot of IOIs, women approach them, women try to goad them onto dates, women try to have sex with THEM. Being a HVM is a cheat code. HVM have a base pool of options to choose from as a default setting, and that's WITHOUT them TRYING. When they try their options are even higher.

This doesn't mean HVM are looking to date beautiful models (models are usually deeply insufferable and have loads of baggage and undatable for many reasons). But it DOES mean of ALL the women a HVM finds datable, who also want to date HIM, he can AFFORD to choose the ones in the best range of shape to HIM.

So keep your physical fitness in order if you want a top 5% HVM. If you're not realistic about this move on and start lowering your standards from Chads (assuming you want an attractive man yourself) Supply and demand.

As a woman, you should keep your fitness in check anyway considering that visual is the biggest male arousal trigger and it will prolongue the sexual longevity of your marriage.

2 Sexual satisfaction

Chads with money have a lot of physically attractive options, and many of the physically attractive options are also good in bed. If you are trying to keep a HVM around, you should be exciting and satisfying in bed. This doesn't mean you have to be a performative pr0nst@r doing super weird kinky stuff but it does mean you should be capable of having particularly good and enthusiastic sex.

(And why would you not want to as well, you are probably quite attracted to him if he's top 5%)

No star-fishing
If he has to initiate with you every time, someone else will
Even if you do initiate, he will probably prefer another option that can't keep her hands off him (genuine desire)
Declining sex for trivial reasons (often) will put you beneath other perceived options (especially if he's not used to getting declined)
If you're NOT giving head and he likes head, someone else will
If he likes it a certain way and you don't, someone else will
If your bedroom skills are low, someone else's won't be
Your enthusiasm should be high, otherwise someone else's will be (genuine desire)

Unlike average and even above average men, HVM have a lot of sexual choices. I don't know any HVM in their right mind who would would willing select low sexual satisfaction when men have higher sex drives as is and when they can AFFORD and CHOOSE to not to settle sexually.

They also have a lot of experience usually. Average Joe is lucky if he gets sex twice a week with a woman if he's even seeing a woman at all between periods of dry months.

Chads play by different rules because they are playing with different players in a different game. If you don't like Chad rules, lower your standards to top 20% of men who don't have those kind of options.

3 Relationship value

If you want to lock down a HVM, you also need to have excellent relationship value.

Unfortunately, physical appeal and sex satisfaction is a near pre-requisite for HV Chads, but it won't get a ring on your finger. Chads with money can afford to have sex any time, but what they can't get easily, is decent committed relationships.

If you have made yourself a fit and good looking option who also shows him genuine desire physically and he is happy with your sex life, then the next part isn't as difficult, if you have the discipline

General guidelines:

The Five F's (Do's)

Feminine
Fit
Friendly
Frugal
Faithful

These should all be self explanatory.

(Don'ts)

Don't be a bitch
Don't be promiscuous
Don't get out of shape

Should also be self explanatory

Minimize the amount of red flags you have. Are you an alcoholic? Do you get heated and argue? Do you wear a lot of trashy clothes?

Do you have insufferable friends? Is your lifestyle bad?

Immediately change your negatives if you are engaging in a lot of red flag lifestyle, ideally you shouldn't have had a history of red flags to begin with, but if you have any detrimental relationship tells, immediately stop engaging in them and start owning and fixing red flags if you have them

If a HVM does not think you can be the mother of his children some day, and would be embarrassed for you to be his wife, he will not commit to you, but he will still probably be okay with sex

Men, especially HVM, usually immediately know who to keep in the casual category unless they have low options and have to settle despite their better judgement.

Continued Below

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-05-31T19:43:09+00:00

Don’t eff around with the timeline. This can actually create problems for attractive women. I had a passing acquaintance with YouTuber, Emily Hartridge, who was unfortunately killed at age 35 on her way to the fertility clinic to get her eggs harvested. Had she simply picked a guy at 27 or 28, she never would’ve been on the Queenstown Road Roundabout in Battersea and never would’ve been hit by a truck. I cannot for the life of me, understand why her BF didn’t simply put her in an Uber or a taxi instead of letting a ride a scooter. Sometimes, as a man, you have to make decisions with your women’s best interest in mind, regardless of whatever dippy idea she has.

Oh, did I say that out loud?

Em was quite pretty and she had a “pretty girl problem” in that she still had a lot of choice, until she didn’t. I know a few women like her who should heed Robert Herrick’s advice. Some women just can’t get out of their own way. Don’t be like that.

2024-05-29T19:38:23+00:00

If your money chasing a hvm than stand in line behind all the other suckers pursuing the same guy. If you're looking for a genuine husband than invest in someone who has the potential and traits not their salary. For example: my beloved brother is wealthy and getting new GFS constantly cuz they're easy to bait with his financial capabilities. My husband: when we got married it was because we loved each other and were equally yoked in values. He was making 17 an hr when we met I actually made more than him. Fast forward 3 yrs into our marriage I'm a stahm and he works his butt off so I can be home with our kids. Wasn't planned however he is very masculine and believes in Jesus. And so do I...

AutoModerator · 2024-05-29T19:20:29+00:00

Title: Best way for women in their late 20’s to secure marriage from HVM?

Author acorn735764

Full text: In light of @TheeLiger’s recent post (my heart goes out to you, girl), I was curious what would be the best possible way for us ladies in our late 20’s to secure commitment? Please share any tips, advice, or book recommendations that you may have. Thank you.

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Lolaaxo69 · 2025-02-11T16:52:31+00:00

Commenting to follow post

forbiddenbluegrass · 2024-05-29T20:39:36+00:00

Read the Art of Seduction, work out, get in shape, focus on looking beautiful using makeup and feminine dresses.

I married my doctor husband by being hot and cold with him for two years and he couldn’t stand it and eventually proposed. I was in my late 20s and thought I had no hope but it worked out eventually. I also didn’t focus on his looks. He’s not a looker but he’s definitely a generous provider. Those are my tips and they worked for me

Also men are not afraid to ask for s*x so don’t be afraid to ask him for gifts, money, or jewelry. The more he invests in you monetarily the more he will take you serious. Because if he’s spent on you a diamond ring, he won’t want you to leave with it lol so don’t be hesitant to demand your fair share. If he’s a good man, he will spend on you

Best way for women in their late 20’s to secure marriage from HVM?

Comments

If you don't, you're settling.

Title	Best way for women in their late 20’s to secure marriage from HVM?
Author	acorn735764
Upvotes	31
Comments	28
Date	May 29, 2024 7:20 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1d3key0/best_way_for_women_in_their_late_20s_to_secure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/best-way-for-women-in-their-late-20s-to-secure.1519956 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519956