Is feminine and masculine energy toxic.

flower_power_g1rl · 2024-06-03T14:25:28+00:00

You can speak fast and speak a lot. In a ditzy, happy-go-lucky manner. That's the only way I could rebrand your speech style as feminine. I think that one does not have to change too much or force themselves to be only one 'type' of masculine or feminine, but it helps to look at different archetypes. Listen to what men say they find feminine, not what women say. Are you spending a lot of time on social media? Using tiktok? Those things are bad for you regardless.

Deliaallmylife · 2024-06-03T15:12:15+00:00

There are some aspects of femininity/masculinity that come out of personality testing (Big 5). So for example, women tend to be more agreeable (Agreeableness. Agreeableness is the general concern for social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are generally considerate, kind, generous, trusting and trustworthy, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others.) And so you will see traits that fall under this umbrella being deemed 'feminine' in nature.

There are other aspects of (what we think of as) femininity that come from what men are attracted to. Thus you will see men saying that long hair and a small waist are feminine and desirable.

Finally there are things that are (ugh feminist language incoming) socially constructed femininity. This would be the women that tell you you must wear a dress and love to knit in order to be feminine.

What you are willing to change about yourself and how much really is dependent on your goals. If you are going to be a lawyer then slowing down your speech and becoming soft spoke is going to hurt you. If you are looking to be a kindergarten teacher then it's probably more helpful.

I am of the opinion that it's better to make small changes as needed and find a man who complements your energy. However, if you are continuously striking out and no man is interested in you, that is when you want to do an assessment about whether or not you need to revamp your personality. People may be negative about the idea of changing yourself for a man BUT if a boyfriend/partner/husband is YOUR goal then you are changing yourself FOR YOU.

And yes it's a spectrum and a balance. And also, tiktok is hurting your brain.

pieorstrudel5 · 2024-06-03T15:48:32+00:00

I'm not sure that it's toxic, but it's definitely overly romanticized for views. I also unlocked the dark feminine energy algorithm on Instagram. That's a whole vibe, let me tell you.

To put it simply, as long as you are upholding the basic principles of natural male/female dynamics. You're fine. Don't get too hung up on the particulars. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Every woman expresses her femininity differently. I have a lot of masculine qualities (which we all need sometimes), but when I am with the man in my life - I very much support and follow him.

I had an LTR that said I was an alpha woman. And when I made a face cause I thought he was calling me masculine. He said "opposite, you are so strong in your womanhood that you carry it with so much confidence that it can be intimidating to others." Best compliment of my life.

And just so you know......I have the darkest humour and bone dry wit.

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2024-06-03T15:20:07+00:00

Do you have an SO? If so, what does he think? If he doesn't see any problems with your habits then I don't think this is something to worry about too much.

I tend to be snarky but my husband finds some of my comments to be hilarious and true, so he usually doesn't mind it. He wants me to be my authentic self. He also wants me to speak my mind and values my opinions. There's a difference between being abrasive and being truthful yet diplomatic.

As for talking a lot, do you dominate the conversation? Are you loud? To me these are the bigger issues. Do you know when to be quiet and listen? That's also very important.

I think you should be authentic, but also know when you've gone too far. As for a dark sense of humor, IDK, but some guys might actually like that. If it's not affecting your relationships then it's good to be mindful of your behavior but don't overthink it

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-06-03T14:39:12+00:00

I have ”dark humour” but a feminine woman would be compassionate and cry seeing something sad

These are not mutually exclusive.

It feels almost like you have to change your personality in order to be consider a feminine woman

If you want to change your self-identity or to alter people's perception of you in a very specific way, that often requires adopting new behaviors. The internet is going to have conflicting advice on what femininity is, so it's best to stick with how you and the people you care about define that label.

Is it a spectrum, don’t we all have a balance of masculine and feminine traits?

Absolutely. Let me put it this way - every female body contains testosterone and every male body contains estrogen. No one is going to be 100% masculine or feminine. Remember the rule of diminishing returns.

thesillymachine · 2024-06-03T16:21:41+00:00

Are we supposed to list ages when we post in this sub?

I think it's great you're learning and self reflecting. Are you young, or are you having trouble getting a relationship to stick?

I would recommend analyzing your use of the word "toxic". And take caution when consuming content that uses the word, because I've seen it used a lot in the Feminist community and other more left-wing circles. I think loosely throwing the word around is a bit of a flag. The word should be used when something is actually very harmful to others, like manipulation.

Stating what women like in a man and what men like in a woman on a base line, is not toxic. In fact, it can actually be healthy, because it's stating the truth. Unless it's something ridiculous, like "women just want men who do whatever they want in their life."; which is absolutely not true, you can take it into consideration.

Do you have anyone in real life as a role model or mentor that you can observe or go to?

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-06-03T17:57:14+00:00

I'm opinionated, talk fast, and am not known for being the softest speaker, among friends. My husband's family thinks I never talk, though, because I'm careful about what I say and how I say it. There's a time and a place for the "dark humor" and topical rants. That doesn't mean you have to hide those parts of yourself to find a man. In fact, I'd caution against it, because you simply cannot make the archetype fit 100% of the time.

If there are other tips, besides speech etiquette that would be more natural for you, I'd focus more on those. Do your hair, makeup, and nails. Dress cute. When you meet a new guy, just go slowly with the "less feminine" aspects of yourself. Gauge his tolerance for humor by the shows he watches or podcasts he follows. You don't have to literally change the tenor of your voice, but make sure you're letting him speak. When you meet his friends and family, be equally cautious.

Lastly, you're taking all of this too seriously, so I'd recommend a break from these types of videos.

aniqa9 · 2024-06-04T05:20:47+00:00

Those thousands of people that agree most likely have to do with culture, traditional gender norms, and religion. This isn’t a new phenomenon and these concepts of what “defines” a man or woman has existed since Adam and Eve, not a “70s mindset.” Times have changed and society has evolved accordingly, so take what you see online with a grain of salt and look around you. Some countries still hold these roles to a high degree which a lot of westerners don’t realize and will even say is backwards thinking, even though it’s quite literally their norm.

Edit: I agree and would highly recommend not engaging with these brainrot tiktok concepts.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-06-03T15:21:40+00:00

It's true that leaning into traits which are historically/biologically encouraged in women will attract men who are themselves displaying traits which are historically/biologically encouraged in men. Some of this may be contrary to your nature or your culture. But also... it's the internet. People just say stuff to get views. 90% of these women aren't walking out whatever talking point they thought up in the shower to put out there today in order to even know if it works for them, much less others.

I like to talk alot but apparently a feminine woman is quiet or talk less

Last I looked at the data, it's not that women should talk that much more; it's that our words are perceived as more than they are. Instead of recognizing this for the power that it is (and like all power, it should be contained and released thoughtfully) there's a feminist mindset out there that the only "right" option is to act like there's no difference, and try to convince men to treat our words as if they came from a man. I need more than two minutes to find the studies I'm referring to so I'll come back with links if I get around to it.

I have ”dark humour” but a feminine woman would be compassionate and cry seeing something sad

Sounds more like a black-and-white error. Compassion is highly valued in women, perhaps moreso than it is in men in the Relationship Marketplace, due to the demands of childcare, so it is helpful to showcase compassion. Doesn't mean there aren't times compassion is unnecessary (or HAS to be put aside in order to have good, drama-free boundaries that are ALSO a sign of good Relationship Market Value). In the specific example of dark humor, that could be a niche attraction point to men who are also dark-humored. But if someone were using dark humor to the point they were struggling to fit into their social groups, yeah, tone it down. A man going darker than the rest of the group could shift the culture of the group if he was also getting ranked highly in the group, but women don't do the ranking thing men do and rather seek agreement.

I speak fast but a feminine woman speaks slow and in a low gentle tone

Tone and speed have more to do with geographic location and subculture than masculinity or femininity. It could be useful to change those to match your environment - or not to match your environment, but stand out to give off the impression you want. I came from a "cooperative overlap" family. The geographic areas I live in, and all professional environments I've been in, do not do that. I had to change or I'd be perceived as pushy, full of myself, and hard to work with.

or not find a logical solution to a problem if I’m capable of that sometimes

Low key I think you're strawmanning here. Did you really find people saying you should ignore logical solutions to problems in the name of being feminine? The closest I can think of is "damsel in distress" game (feigning difficulty in order to attract positive male attention, often in order to spark an introduction), which has its place but should be used sparingly. Both sexes use that - it's the classic, "Hey, can I borrow a pencil?" opener. Like there's a dozen different ways you could solve your no-pencil problem (if you even actually have a no-pencil problem) but none of them get you chatting to a new person, so I guess you could call that "ignoring logical solutions."

Is it a spectrum, don’t we all have a balance of masculine and feminine traits?

While arguably true for certain definitions of "masculine" and "feminine" (I think evolutionary forces are such that the same apparent behavior from a man and woman should often be classified as two distinct things because the mental origins and social impacts are different), if you lean into this mindset too much you won't take advantage of the perks being highly feminine gets you.

And do we have to completely change out behavior to be considered feminine, isn’t that a little black and white thinking?

You change your behavior all the time to accomplish various goals. That's not some "betrayal" of your pure essence of personality; your goals grow from your personality after all! This is no different. It's only ruffling your feathers because you're considering the possibility behavior you're comfortable with won't get you to your goals, and you'd like to think you can get to your goals without change. That's usually not true for anyone. Is the specific change you could make to better reach your goals related to indicators of femininity? I dunno. You shouldn't absorb the suggestion of every influencer you run across, no. But you should run some experiments. See if switching things up gets you different responses from men.

AutoModerator · 2024-06-03T13:53:45+00:00

Title: Is feminine and masculine energy toxic.

Author Party-Dish3613

Full text: Hi!

I’ve seen many posts lately on social media about feminine and masculine energy, it’s been the new hot talk ”how to be more feminine” ”how to be more masculine” ”feminine women doesn’t do this:” et.c. And i agree to a certain extent, in that I definetly believe that feminine and masculine energy exists no matter the gender and it’s a balance, and someone has to be masculine and feminine in the relationship. As a woman I want to be more feminine to attract a masculine provider, but the thing is it feels like they’re pushing the 70s mindset on women. I like to talk alot but apparently a feminine woman is quiet or talk less, I have ”dark humour” but a feminine woman would be compassionate and cry seeing something sad, I speak fast but a feminine woman speaks slow and in a low gentle tone. It feels almost like you have to change your personality in order to be consider a feminine woman and that feels a little toxic. I think improvement for the better is always good, but why should I change my sense of humour because ”it’s not feminine enough” or not find a logical solution to a problem if I’m capable of that sometimes. But yet majority of the people on the internet agrees with that.

And don’t get wrong, i’m not a tomboy, I like to dress up, i’m warm and a very optimistic person who is sociable and i’m not agressive at all, but it feels like that’s not enough and I have to change myself completely or else I’d end up being masculine, but still I see thousands of people agreeing with the feminine and masculinity concept, which makes me wonder if I misunderstood it. Is it a spectrum, don’t we all have a balance of masculine and feminine traits? And do we have to completely change out behaviour to be considered feminine, isn’t that a little black and white thinking?

I’m interested in your perspective.

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Prudent_Influence_62 · 2024-06-05T01:12:46+00:00

Yeah I don’t think femininity is really about looks or how you talk. Receptivity the essence of femininity. So that looks like receiving help and gifts graciously, being open to receiving ideas and suggestions, being a good listener.

You can be more feminine by being open to all the ways the world is trying to give to you. If you’re in the habit of saying no when the bagger asks if you need help to your car, say yes. That practice has led to some beautiful interactions in my life. I used to be so closed off to receiving any help. You can do that and tap into a more feminine energy while still being true to yourself.

Title	Is feminine and masculine energy toxic.
Author	Party-Dish3613
Upvotes	9
Comments	18
Date	June 3, 2024 1:53 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1d74zgx/is_feminine_and_masculine_energy_toxic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-feminine-and-masculine-energy-toxic.1520425 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520425

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