Paranoid about the internet and my privacy (ex has had my kids go through my stuff) so using my friend’s account/ phone.

I (37m) am divorcing a very angry and controlling ex wife (44f). In the beginning I agreed to an amicable divorce (despite her cheating) bc on paper it looked faster and cheaper she also had suggested this so I figured she was going to cooperate and do a just 50/50.

Through this process she has NOT been amicable. She has poisoned my kids against me by telling them lies. She has included the children in divorce conversation despite my attorney writing a letter requesting for her to keep them out of it. I have reason to believe she’s intentionally understaffing her wages (she has a masters degree, refuses to work full time and I have found out she is working under the table)—which to me is a scheme to double dip/ go after more money.

Most recently I, my ex and our attorneys all sat down and had a meeting to split assets. We all left the room in agreement. As a courtesy to my kids I was going to not fight over the house but keep 100% of my retirement instead (her credit and spending habits are horrible she could never acquire a car or house on her own). But now it’s clear that her side has decided to run the clock by skipping our requested 2 week deadline and starting from scratch again.

This entire time I have been firm in 50/50 but my audaciously entitled ex keeps asking for more. Cheating on a breadwinner and then trying to steal as much of his bread to share with someone else in the background is insane!!!

In my state I am considering resubmitting my divorce as at-fault with the sited reason as adultery and then requesting she pays me out for the house given that the marital property was used in her affair.

Have any men had experience with at-fault divorce? I’ve heard that in some instances in 50/50 states an at-fault divorce can weigh in when it comes to alimony. I’ve also read that spouses have been able to ask for a credit in instances where the other spouse used marital moneys or assets for the affair (hense me mentioning our house)

I have been really nice through out this process bc I have just wanted this lying angry and deceitful female up and out at soon as possible but now I have reached the clarity where I would rather fight her in court bc I see that like our marriage she believes that the more she pushes the more I’ll move over.

I’ve taken other actions to counter her toxicity: I’ve taken a pay cut and switched jobs to be eligible for 50/50 custody to improve the relationship she is trying to damage with my kids. I’m also hoping this will allow me to pay for my kids directly vs high child support payments to her who can’t manage money. I also want to resubmit the divorce as at fault bc I think she deserves for what she did to be legal public record given the lies she’s spreading about me to our children. I also think it’s worth the battle to potentially get alimony off the table. I also plan to challenge my ex home schooling our children. I want this cheating women with a masters degree to work full time instead of banking on the homeschooling as her excuse for being on my payroll. (Her mom home schools our kids, she “helps”/sits and watches).

***i do not believe I have issues with proof. I filmed a family meeting that my ex hosted where she apologized to our kids (all under the age of 10) for having a “secret friend”. I also have other footage of me catching her and her admitting to meeting him at the park 9 months prior to filing for divorce.

Again fellas and lawyers what were/are your experiences with at-fault divorce?