How does one become less needy and narcissistic?

appolonysian · 2024-08-18T13:56:00+00:00

You’re gonna have to disconnect from game to get the answer to that. Narcissists cover up feeling worthless by projecting a front of extreme self-importance; it’s a blatant compensation and pretty pathetic to see. Not saying you’re like this, but needy guys have such tendencies.

Get some sort of therapy/help for those feelings. They probably have some root in how you were raised/formative experiences. Getting girls is a bandaid over a bullet wound if you don’t get those problems addressed. Plus, once you make progress there, women will want you more because you’re non needy.

DaygameCode · 2024-08-18T14:27:13+00:00

Not sure why you think that being less needy and less narcissistic would have a serious risk of leading to belittling women and demeaning them.

Like it makes me think that you don’t understand what being needy and narcissistic is.

Being needy refers to those behaviours that stem from being insecure, dependence, and an excessive need for attention or reassurance from the woman. Those behaviours can be:

Constantly asking the woman to validate you, to reassure you that she still loves you, or that she is still interested, complaining that she takes too long to reply, that she doesn’t respond as fast as she used to or, isn’t as loving as you wish.
Over texting and calling all the time everyday, specially when you feel anxiety if she doesn't respond immediately and feeling upset when she doesn’t give you constant attention or she she spends time with other friends, work and you are mad or jealous that she doesn’t prioritise you all the time over her friends.

That’s being needy. And if you stop doing those things to not appear needy this doesn’t mean that you are now treating women like shit, belittling them. You are just treating them normal like any other human but you are not obsessed with.

And narcissistic means you are prioritising your own needs but without giving a shit at all about how the women or other people feels or how your actions impact them. This can involve:

Making the woman feel inferior to make yourself feel superior and better than her.
Making the woman doubt her own reality to manipulate her or guilt tripping her to get what you want.
Acting like you deserve special treatment, expecting the woman to cater to your demands without question, regardless of the impact it has on her.
Using the woman to show off and brag with your friends or family, treating her like she is an accessory or trophy to make yourself look good.
Focusing conversations on yourself, as if you are all that matters in the world and never caring about her, because ultimately you always make everything about you.

Can you see how these behaviours are the ones who belittle women? So lack of those narcissism behaviours doesn’t lead to treating women bad, if anything it leads to treating them well.

And being a doormat has to do with allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, to be disrespected by your partner without standing up to yourself. This behaviours comes from low self-esteem and fear of conflict as a deep desire to please others at the expense of your own needs.

A person who lacks boundaries, allowing your partner to make unreasonable demands or take advantage of you or insult you, without you ever protesting.
Avoiding confrontation at all costs, even when you are hurt and frustrated. Fearing that conflict and asserting boundaries will lead to rejection or abandonment which leads you to accept poor treatment.

(Take in mind that you actually need to know what objective poor treatment is, and not mistaking it with unreasonable needy expectations about how you should be treated. It’s a very fine line and involves understanding the difference between needy demands from reasonable demands)

Being over reliant on the relationship with a woman for your sense of self-worth and identity. Feeling like you have to constantly give and sacrifice, even though she never does that type of effort for you.
Always saying yes to things you don’t want to do, or compromising your values, and preferences just to avoid conflict or make the other person feel happy despite being unhappy yourself, and only tolerating it because you don’t wanna lose them.

norwegiandoggo · 2024-08-18T13:45:47+00:00

These are all connected to the same issue; feeling worthless. Probably best to start with therapy and maybe consume some relevant self-help material on the side

TRTJimBro1 · 2024-08-18T14:44:32+00:00

Neediness comes from a self defeating belief, something like “I NEED women/sex/love to be happy” OR “women/sex/love are an absolute requirement for my happiness and if I don’t have them I’m bound to be a miserable loser”.

So you can see how if you aren’t getting any, you would feel like a total loser and then you’d desperately chase after women because you believe they will make you happy.

The only way to overcome neediness is to challenge this belief. It may mean finding other sources of happiness, such as having a more interesting life, hobbies, experiences, a purpose in life, etc. It may also involve talking to people who are married or in relationships but are miserable and unhappy. If pussy is supposed to make you happy, why aren’t they always happy?

At the end of the day it comes down to two sides of the same coin: what women/sex means to you and what not having women/sex means about you. Typically men use sex as a measuring stick for their own self worth and think if they get laid and have lots of pussy it makes them awesome, winners, superior to other guys. And vice versa, if they don’t have sex, it means they are worthless worms.

None of these things are true. Truly sex and not having sex doesn’t mean anything. You don’t feel special because you had a banana today and feel worthless because you didn’t have a banana yesterday. Same thing.

madmaxfromshottas · 2024-08-18T15:20:03+00:00

having hobbies so your not thinking about them all day get better friends

u_ltramarine · 2024-08-18T16:24:18+00:00

Go to therapy, thats the best way, will take time, but will help.

Now to be more practical. When you're interested in her ask her out BEFORE you like her. And remember, its a date, not a lifetime, if she says no, move on, no hard feelings, but cut her off. If she says yes, go, but don't create big expectations, again, its just a date.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-08-18T15:09:28+00:00

I think MM covered this in this book when he talked about vulnerability.

We tend to purposely find more and more common ground with the woman we are attracted to, to the point that it’s kinda forced, just because we want to be accepted and validated. Pretend that we have a lot of things in common.

If she likes certain hobbies like traveling worldwide, it’s okay for you to tell her that you don’t have similar interests, for example.

Or if she makes more money than you, you don’t have to pretend that your menial job barely covers your bills compared to her c-suite one.

Or if she said she’s available tomorrow but you have another plan, tell her you can’t. You don’t have to cancel yours that you had made just to please her. Less needy, maintain your boundary, and you don’t have to belittle her.

I think this is the point where “opposite attracts” can be real to a certain degree.

aFalseSlimShady · 2024-08-19T01:18:20+00:00

You could read some philosophy.

The happy medium from neediness and narcissism in models is being secure in yourself enough to respect her and be happy without her. That security is exactly what she's attracted too. However, you have to find it for yourself, because if you're looking for it to get laid, then you aren't looking for the right reasons, and won't find it. That's an internal journey you have to take for yourself.

LegitimateTutor8535 · 2024-08-19T13:07:02+00:00

So... are you the one that's narcissistic? From the comments, I think yes... Wow, man. It's a big deal for a narcissist to acknowledge he is. I worked under 2 very narcissistic bites at a company. I always thought I was pretty tough. But they ruined me completely. I bounced back from it. But they ruined me for 3 years.

Anyway... you're on the right path.

berzerker5000 · 2024-08-19T13:16:16+00:00

I think you should read no more Mr Nice Guy.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-08-18T16:50:48+00:00

Be less needy.

Continue being a narcissist. Good women sleep with self centered pricks. The things that piss them off are the same things that turn them on.

If you can apply patience to narcissism, you will be able to command attention without actually displaying the need for an audience...people will want to be the audience on their own accord.

It's as simple as lowering your tone and slowing your tempo and consciously refraining from fidgety movements. Not only will that alone make others perceive u as less needy, you will train your soul to be less needy by doing that.

McPigg · 2024-08-18T16:21:45+00:00

I dont know how needy and natcissism correleate, i guess yeah narcissists are in need of outward vslidation but they will quickly move on to get it, not become needy for one person usually

Not focusing 4 years on a single women your not already dating would be a good start.

Belittleling woman also has nothing to do with needyness.

You become less needy by creating more options for yourself, either by sheer effort and numbers game and/or by working on yourself and your socializing until you get more women.

Title	How does one become less needy and narcissistic?
Author	Khajiit_Boner
Upvotes	16
Comments	25
Date	August 18, 2024 1:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ev9hyo/how_does_one_become_less_needy_and_narcissistic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-does-one-become-less-needy-and-narcissistic.1527618 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527618

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