I (29M) am two months into an unwanted separation/divorce from a 10 month marriage. In late May she suffered her second miscarriage and checked out emotionally after that. If everything had gone to plan we’d be welcoming our first child between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We’d still be married so I guess none of it was meant to be.

I am constantly battling sexually intrusive thoughts about her. I think about her body and our sexual history together. It was always very healthy and she always seemed very satisfied. I was rarely told no from her which gave me a lot of confidence and security. I’m a good looking guy, clean cut and in really good shape. I was quite promiscuous in my early/mid 20’s but when I met her I was ready to grow up and settle down. She was educated, beautiful, sweet, loving, etc. Now that she’s divorcing me I feel that pain of wanting what I can’t have anymore. Of course it’s not just sex I want from her. We were married so it was much deeper than that but that’s what this specific post is about. It’s constantly on my mind and the thought of me or her being with someone else disgusts me. I know it’s inevitable for the both of us.

I’m seeing a therapist because this really blindsided me and I never thought she’d walk away so easily. We or at least in my eyes didn’t have issues that couldn’t have been fixed. I have discovered through therapy that I am codependent. I didn’t feel that way with her I felt extremely secure and as I was my own person. Clearly I was fooling myself and being naive to the fact she’d ever leave me. My father was absent most of my life and I was raised by my single mother and grandmother.

From anyone’s experience what helped you fight the thoughts of sex w/ your ex? The images of them in your head? The memories and history? Is this a common thought pattern being codependent? This is clearly a very vulnerable subject so some positivity would help.