What is the best approach for me to seek a long-term relationship given my situation?

Jenneapolis · 2024-10-26T16:50:14+00:00

First, I don’t think pursuing a PhD makes you undesirable to men necessarily. For sure not anymore than medicine would. If you think about it, teaching and working in education is a fairly feminine field. As long as you don’t try to outsmart them in every conversation or make them feel stupid, I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

However, I do think you’re going to have a difficult time dating in your situation. You will likely have to move to whatever PhD program accepts you. And even after that, it gets complicated.

The last guy I dated was in the situation (it did not move on to the serious stage because of these issues). He was jumping from medical fellowship to fellowship (from state to state) to stay in the country as he was having difficulty finding a permanent job that would sponsor him. As I started to date him and dive into it, I realized he was spending about one year in different states before moving and clearly had a history of dating women who thought they were serious with him and then leaving them behind when he moved.

Even though we didn’t get serious, it was pretty difficult to build up a connection that could’ve been amazing and know that it couldn’t work out because of the logistics. I honestly think you will break your own heart and someone else’s if you get too attached and then have to move. Yes, long distance relationships are possible and people can move with you, but I think you are climbing an uphill battle to find a man who’s willing to move for you as most men expect the woman to move to support their career. Even after your PhD program, you may have to move again to find your permanent job so we’re not just talking about one move.

All of this rambling to say, I would wait to date until you know you were going to be in a place a little more permanently.

manolosandmartinis44 · 2024-10-27T12:43:56+00:00

Does pursuing a PhD make me less desirable to masculine men?

If your possessing a PhD (or any other qualification) turns anyone off, they aren't for you.

throwawaytalks25 · 2024-10-26T14:00:12+00:00

Does pursuing a PhD make me less desirable to masculine men?

I don't see why it should, unless he is absolutely deadset on you not working. The fact that your biggest goal is family is the bigger factor imo.

Given that I will not hear back from graduate schools until January, should I just pause going on dates for now?

How much of your time is grad school going to take? Will you have time for serious dating? How long will your degree take?

Familiar_Accident802 · 2024-10-30T21:57:12+00:00

I am an MD and actually have men want me because I am “smart” but also I am not going into surgery or something with crazy hours, but psychiatry. So that might make a difference

AutoModerator · 2024-10-26T13:48:35+00:00

Title: What is the best approach for me to seek a long-term relationship given my situation?

Author Comfortable_Funny496

Full text: Hello everyone :)

I'm 23, F, living in the U.S. but originally from the Middle East (came here for college.) I graduated from college this May and broke up with my boyfriend of 2-years last year. I took a 6-month break from dating and started using dating apps in June but so far I haven't had much success and did some reflections recently.

I was at first very unsure about my career path: Since I'm not from the U.S., I need to get a green card and I aim to apply for the Einstein green card, meaning I will need to pursue higher education. I got into medical school last year but decided to not pursue that path as I realized that the lifestyle, regardless of the specialty I choose, will not align with my personal life goals which is raising my kids, at least in the first few years, on my own. I currently have a research job where I work in the hospital and this has been a great opportunity for me to see the day to day life of physicians and decide to not want to pursue the medicine path.

The other option for me is pursuing a PhD, which gives me more flexibility, is fully-funded, and will lead to a green card for me given the field I'm going into. I am planning on applying to graduate school this December.

My question is whether I'm ready to date seriously now. I have used the guides in this subreddit to vet men I go on dates with and I'm thankful for it. I take care of my appearance, develop my manners, etc. However, I feel my most important issue is that once men find out I'm in this unclear situation with my whereabouts, they back off and ask if I'm sure I will stay in this city, where I will be next year, etc.

My two questions are:

1) Does pursuing a PhD make me less desirable to masculine men? My goal is to build my family in the US and pursuing a PhD is the most logical path for me for staying in the US (there are faster pathways such as asylum or green card marriage but those do not align with my values) and research and teaching are what I enjoy doing and am good at. However, I have a lot of friends who are pursuing medicine and think I made a mistake by turning down medicine (I went to an extremely liberal Ivy League university in the northeast so we were always encouraged to postpone seeking a family, having children, etc and focus on our careers) and it makes me feel bad about myself sometimes

2) Given that I will not hear back from graduate schools until January, should I just pause going on dates for now? Or should I still go on first dates to practice vetting skills, etc? I also don't want to waste men's times if that makes sense.

I really appreciate all the great advice on this subreddit. Thank you :)

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Title	What is the best approach for me to seek a long-term relationship given my situation?
Author	Comfortable_Funny496
Upvotes	3
Comments	13
Date	October 26, 2024 1:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1gclhkk/what_is_the_best_approach_for_me_to_seek_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-is-the-best-approach-for-me-to-seek-a-long.1534157 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534157

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