Friends after break up

pieorstrudel5 · 2024-11-17T19:18:18+00:00

Two days ago you were talking about getting the silent treatment.

Yesterday you wanted to know how to be less of a feminist.

Today you are asking about a break up.

You need to lean back and give this man space.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2024-11-17T15:35:52+00:00

How old are you both and how long have you been together?

Deliaallmylife · 2024-11-17T23:15:05+00:00

Your ex is 54 years old. You are in your 40s as best I can tell. A lot of this drama belongs in your 20s:

You are questioning whether his salary and savings are a red flag. You are both giving each other the silent treatment. Three months ago you were lamenting that you put a lot of energy into dating without an LTR panning out - so I'm going to assume that this relationship is 3 months old or less. You want to reprogram so I'm going to assume that there is additional conflict that led to that post.

Walk away from this and take some time away from dating to figure out why dating has been so difficult for you. You need to assess where the problems were in this relationship - what was your fault, what was his fault, what you should have done differently or walked away from sooner or whatever. You won't be able to do that if you remain friends.

Obviously your post history isn't the be all end all of the relationship, but it makes it appear as though you weren't actually happy in the relationship. There were doubts and problems. You are sad now that it's over and looking at it all with rose colored glasses.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-11-17T20:18:33+00:00

I can only see this if you were somehow a source of stress in his life. Then it would make sense. But otherwise no.

Leonhart93 · 2024-11-17T15:11:45+00:00

If he says that "he can’t meet the demands of a relationship right now" then perhaps you can make it so that there is no such demand on him right now. And make that clear to him that you think so, as men inherently feel the pressure to offer things in a relationship. I find it hard to believe that he would refuse someone's support if there are no demands on him.

CountTheBees · 2024-11-17T22:15:09+00:00

So I'm guessing you didn't reach out to him which led to a break up and now he's doing the gentlemanly thing saying "it's not you it's me" to avoid the fury that is a woman scorned...

What have you learnt from this?

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-11-17T21:28:29+00:00

Breakups are all or none. It sounds like you two have a lot of drama in your relationship. I'd recommend you both go your separate ways. If things pan out for you to get back together later, consider it then. Don't let him keep you on the back burner in the meantime. Work on yourself. Be open to meeting other men. There is a very good chance that he'll meet another woman before you reconcile.

TheBunk_TB · 2024-11-17T19:47:04+00:00

My personal opinion:

No, I am not willing. I don’t want to be friends with anyone I had been “romantically” involved with or anyone I knocked boots with.

I ask a lot out of my friends and most of the people no longer in my life don’t have “it”.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-11-17T22:50:05+00:00

He has decided it's monk mode time for him.

In this particular case, "still being friends" sounds like agreeing to not date for a while to see if he gets it together before you have a meet cute with someone else. Don't. Let it be a clean breakup - you both like each other but the timing is NOT right and may never be.

^ I wrote the above BEFORE realizing you were the same OP as the silent treatment post. I never did reply after your edits to that post, but from the full story, it sounded like you were both passive aggressive (although he carried it on for much longer) and the overt contempt he was showing (turning the light off while you're in the room??) was the biggest concerning factor. Best case scenario, he's breaking up with you because he's correctly realizing he can't handle the responsibilities of his life right now and needs to stop the worst side of himself from getting triggered. Worst case scenario, he's got a long history of yo-yoing with your emotions and this is just the latest step.

Trick-Consequence-18 · 2024-11-18T00:26:36+00:00

If you’ve been together more than 6 months and made meaningful investment in each other (I love you, meeting family, talking about plans) then I would not consider this acceptable behavior from my partner/future husband.

If you’ve been seeing him casually (why?) less than 6 months, maybe if he comes back and you’re still single you might consider it.

For the love of god, do not be friends with him. Tell him you’re sorry but you can’t. Don’t explain. You just can’t.

The real reason, it’s not good for you. If he’s not your husband then he’s just blocking you.

AutoModerator · 2024-11-17T15:07:11+00:00

Title: Friends after break up

Author a_girl_with_a_dream

Full text: My boyfriend recently broke up with me. He has been under a tremendous amount of stress due to a court case involving a business he owns, some family matters, and an uptick in working hours.

He says that he is taking time off to re-enter therapy to better cope with his stress. He says he can’t meet the demands of a relationship right now. He says he cares about me and would like to remain friends, with the option to revisit getting back into a relationship once his life calms down. Says he won’t be dating during this time.

How would you respond to this? Would you be willing to be friends? I love him. Our relationship is not perfect and one thing in particular we need to work on is conflict resolution. Besides this I was happy on the relationship. I love his family and his personality is awesome. I was hoping to go all the way with him.

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cohost3 · 2024-11-18T00:36:08+00:00

Sounds like he needs some space, I would give that to him.

If you decide to remain friends, I would set firm boundaries. You don’t want to be downgraded into a situationship. Instead, you could wait for him to contact you and be emotional support when necessary. The key is to not entertain any relationship-like activities (ie, no going over to his place or inviting him to yours).

He wouldn’t have broke up with you if he was scared of losing you. At least on some level he doesn’t value you enough. I would let me go.

Title	Friends after break up
Author	a_girl_with_a_dream
Upvotes	8
Comments	20
Date	November 17, 2024 3:07 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1gtfi0d/friends_after_break_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/friends-after-break-up.1536077 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536077

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