Really drawn to RP and "traditional" lifestyles, feeling conflicted

Top-Crab-1020 · 2024-11-26T23:45:06+00:00

Having a career is undoubtedly important in this economy. It’s important to do well in work especially with all these layoffs. Having a stable good career does not equal girl boss. You don’t have to have a demanding job but it doesn’t sound like you do.

Once you’re married you can decide whether your family can financially handle you being a stay at home mom. But as of right now as a single person a good stable career is important so it has to be a priority. So I wouldn’t stop prioritizing your career right at this moment.

Basically find a balance.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-11-26T23:59:32+00:00

I went through this exactly. I grew up with a college-educated 80s mom, who worked as an OR nurse, on holidays, weekends, and frequently worked overtime. I was taught from a young age that women who stayed home with their kids were rich, lazy, or overly religious. My mother largely looked down on these woman. Why wouldn't she? Her mom worked. My dad's mom worked. She was also jealous. She'd have loved to stay home, but my parents were bad with money and society was already claiming it was impossible.

After high school, I did what I was supposed to do, graduating college in four years with a bachelor's in education, and then a master's in library studies in another three. I was a a substitute teacher and librarian, then a library manager... which I hated. I remember telling my dad I was stepping down. He tried to hide his disappointment as he warned me I might regret it. Guess how it felt four years later, telling him I was quitting to stay home with my kids? Being a working mom sucked. I hated it so much. I never got to see my pandemic IVF twins, who I almost died birthing. I cried all the time. My husband and I were both constantly stressed and I was really sick for a long time after the girls' birth.

I left my career three years ago, almost to the day. I have four kids now. I've never been happier. I think it's really hard for us to reconcile what we feel with what our feminist society tells us. You have to remember, though, you are the only one who has to live with your choices, whether that means working fewer hours, staying home, or being the Girl Boss later in life.

Sometimes things aren't as we expect. Sometimes we change. Losing my mother while pregnant with twins and almost dying myself convinced me to live my life in a way where, if I were to die at 60 too, I wouldn't have many regrets. All that career ambition was just... gone. I may go back one day, but right now, this is where I'm meant to be and I don't care what people think of that. Your boss won't hold your hand on your deathbed. Make sure your time, love, and energy goes to the ones who will.

Jenneapolis · 2024-11-27T00:36:45+00:00

Do you have any experience with living traditionally outside of content creators? Because they give an extremely unrealistic view of what the traditional life is like.

If that is the route do you want to go, get involved in the church now and follow all the rules. Start spending lots of time working with kids, even if it’s just volunteering or babysitting. I spent four years as a full-time nanny and essentially operated as the second mother of the family. It was a fantastic experience but it was hard as hell. I’ve never known true physical exhaustion until I did that job.

It sounds like you need some practice in living the life you want because it can be very easy to fantasize based on what you see on Instagram trad life is like, but it’s definitely not that. If you get some experience and still want it, then go for it.

Jewelry_lover · 2024-11-26T23:46:25+00:00

You first have to accept that you may not have it all. There’s this rhetoric told to women that they can have it all (the perfect marriage, kids, top of their career, money, in shape, mansion etc) all at the same time, it’s a lie. Men don’t even have it all lol

With everything in life, there are tradeoffs. There are women who are at their peaks of their careers but would kill to have a family of their own. You need to prioritise what is most important on the long term. Where do see your self in 5,10,20 yrs?

Please choose wisely.

Deliaallmylife · 2024-11-26T23:53:37+00:00

This is sort of existential crisis territory you are in. I'm going to speak to my experience with working and having a family and the value of each but ultimately, only you (with input from your man) can decide what is right for you.

I don't see these types of values reflected in society at-large.

You aren't wrong but also, our society is deeply dysfunctional these days. A nation needs new children in order to have a future and what we seem to value is building better workers. We would rather load up women with birth control (and abortion back ups) so we can get avoid having to take time off to have kids. Tradwives are mocked and have articles written about how we are, at best idealistically anachronistic and at worst Nazis.

But the flip side is that women have always worked in some fashion. We have stepped up to run households when men go to war, or die, or work away from home at grueling jobs. We were responsible for the education of the next generation. And feminists are soundly mocked for their views that women should have jobs or a say in society.

Neither side has it right and we are in a period of turmoil while we all see how society will shake out. My opinion is that now is the time to fully live your own values and to hell with anyone who tells you otherwise. This is a "you only get one life" sort of thing. It's also, IMO, an area where you are deciding what values are carried into the future. This is especially true if you decide to have kids. You get to take a small part in the shape of the world to come.

I often find myself debating if I should be striving for more in my career and worried that my ambition is waning.

I think this is a natural progression for a lot of people (maybe women specifically, idk). I have a good friend who is a highly paid, high status (in her field) Girl Boss^tm. She hit her mid thirties and took a more laid back job, got a high maintenance dog and a house at the beach where she lives almost full time. At some point, it makes sense to look around you and decide what you are working for which it sounds like you already did.

There is a lot going on vis a vis ambition. I think some of it is "programmed" into us based on what we are fed on tv, books, social media etc. I think some is normal when we are younger and want to change the world and that changes as we grow older and wiser. I think that everyone is encouraged to be special instead of average which pushes us to go further than we may naturally. I think what is considered ambitious is based on an unhealthy and capitalistic society.

In short, does it matter if your ambition is waning? You got to a position that allows you to live a life. That's awesome. You are in better shape than many. Now it is ok to decide what the shape of that life is and it doesn't have to be career based to be a good life.

I am plagued by worries about marriage, pregnancy, and the realties of being a working mom.

Marriage done correctly is wonderful. RPW and the recommended books can give you the tools to make it wonderful.

Pregnancy is different for everyone. For me it sucked but not so bad that I didn't do it a second time and I'd do it again if the opportunity arose.

Being a working mom is hard. Being a SAHM is hard. Doing both together is hard. There is nothing easy about kids. However, the hard is what makes them worth it. A little person puts their hand in yours and says "i love you mommy" and you will set yourself ablaze to keep them warm. It adds purpose to life. And, I'm told that if you have kids, one day you get grandkids and they are way better.

I'll stop now but what is it specifically that you are worried about in these areas? They are broad and there are a lot of fears to be had, some are realistic and some are overblown by the culture.

My resume: I'm an early 40s wife (17 years together) and mother of two who we had later in life. I have a job that required fancy licenses and could be a career but instead I work parttime from home so I can raise the kiddos. We have a babysitter and I homeschool. I'm only a tradwife if you squint and look sideways - or if you are a feminist looking to hate someone. My house is not clean enough to invite my mother over so I don't.

Zoe_Rae · 2024-11-27T04:10:44+00:00

It’s very normal for a women’s desires to change over time. I feel women aren’t adequately prepared or educated on how you change over time

What we want in your 20s isn’t want you want in your 30s. You grown up and you get tired 🥹

Anyway, I came to say everything comes at a cost and so will being family oriented after building your career for a while.

Take things as they come because you don’t know what type of pregnancy or baby you will have.

Hopefully your hubby can provide whether you work, take a break or go part time. Having that support system for your future self is what you can focus on (moving closer to family, creating a side business) things like that

Interesting_Ad_7043 · 2024-11-27T00:27:22+00:00

I'm in the same exact boat. Having trouble with friendships, living in a very liberal area too, not sure what to do with my life but asking my fiance if it might make sense to move to a place like Texas or Florida because too many friendships I make out here just don't seem to have that common ground of values. Also thinking a lot about the value of polarity in my relationship and how having a successful, driven career makes me feel like I'm masking my true self. It's rough.

Consistent-Citron513 · 2024-11-27T03:17:33+00:00

I can relate. I was more career-driven in my teens & early 20s. Not girl-boss level, but I had no desire for marriage and was on the fence about having children. I had major mental issues in my early to mid 20s. I started to get back on my feet around 27 and started to rethink things. I became more drawn to the idea of a traditional lifestyle and thankfully the career that I ultimately chose will accommodate that. Changing views/goals is a part of growth. My mom was a single mother who worked in real estate. Fortunately, she did well financially, and her schedule was flexible so she could be home with me. After escaping her abusive ex-husband though, she had no desire for marriage when I was growing up. She is now married to a great man, but they didn't meet until she was in her early 40s & I was in college. I had a cousin who was also more career driven but once she got into a long-term relationship, got married, and had a child, her priority completely shifted to being a homemaker. She chose not to work for a while and that was feasible for them. She had just started working towards her real estate license and making candles to sell but was unfortunately killed.

throwawaytalks25 · 2024-11-27T13:02:00+00:00

Two years later, I find myself in a happy place. I like my job a lot, and it's currently not overwhelming (busy seasons still exist, but manageable). I have free time to nurture my hobbies and friendships. I'm really lucky to have been in a long-term relationship with a great guy who I can see myself building a future with.

It sounds like you found great balance!

Over this same time period, I've found myself drawn to RP values, "tradwife" / homemaker content creators, and considering things I had never really considered seriously before -- like having children, going back to the Catholic Church, and actually finding the prospect of marriage and starting a family exciting.

What specifically draws you? Do you feel like it is all or nothing (like either traditional or career)?

RP is a toolbox, and we can take from it what works for us. I'm not a "traditional" wife by many people's standards here; I am a working wife/mom, I handle the finances, my husband does the cooking/shopping, we see each other as equal partners, and we share responsibilities in every area. I use some RP "tools" that we both want and leave the rest.

I don't think I'd ever want to give up working completely, but I feel more sure now than ever that I want to be a wife and mother -- however, I am plagued by worries about marriage, pregnancy, and the realties of being a working mom.

Have you talked about this with your partner? What does he want?

Do you have a career that is easy to take a step back and re-enter? Do you have a career that has flexibility?

AutoModerator · 2024-11-26T22:48:21+00:00

Title: Really drawn to RP and "traditional" lifestyles, feeling conflicted

Author raindroppolkadots

Full text: Posting here to see if anyone else has been through this or knows this feeling...

I (28F) had been career-minded and career-driven since I was in high school. I basically wanted to be the girl boss of all girl bosses when I was 16. Well, fast-forward, and I burned out of my first career (it was entirely all-consuming and unhealthy for me) after a crisis point at ~26. After some deep reflection, and decided to make a career pivot into a role that could accommodate the lifestyle I wanted -- which included more work-life balance.

Two years later, I find myself in a happy place. I like my job a lot, and it's currently not overwhelming (busy seasons still exist, but manageable). I have free time to nurture my hobbies and friendships. I'm really lucky to have been in a long-term relationship with a great guy who I can see myself building a future with.

Over this same time period, I've found myself drawn to RP values, "tradwife" / homemaker content creators, and considering things I had never really considered seriously before -- like having children, going back to the Catholic Church, and actually finding the prospect of marriage and starting a family exciting.

These all seem to be positive changes but at the same time it's very... disorienting. I don't see these types of values reflected in society at-large. I often find myself debating if I should be striving for more in my career and worried that my ambition is waning. I don't think I'd ever want to give up working completely, but I feel more sure now than ever that I want to be a wife and mother -- however, I am plagued by worries about marriage, pregnancy, and the realties of being a working mom.

Basically all of my friends have labeled themselves "child-free," or are still in their single girl era... I really have no one to relate to IRL about this! Hoping ya'll can share some insights / allay some of my worries. Many thanks!

TL;DR: I girlboss-ed too close to the sun, then took the red pill two years ago and now my desires from look very different than they once did. Am feeling disoriented, worried if I can square the circle with my identity today and being a family-oriented woman in the future.

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Sudden-Bend-8715 · 2024-11-29T16:57:09+00:00

Does your man know any of this? Does he expect you to work? Does he earn enough to support you both? The real question is that.

Sharplove365 · 2024-11-26T23:27:53+00:00

Another lie from Feminism;

Being the man you'll want to date first, then meeting him later will make you most happiest;

• Make the same money that your future man could make

• Have the same career as the man you'll want to date

• Move out the house, and get the same body count as the man you'll want to date will have.

• Drive the same car that your future man might drive

Instead people end up forgoing having an actual family and legacy to share life itself with, like the other thousands of people before us did.

Imagine this reversed and a man decided

• The man decides to make the same money he wants his girl to make by working a fashion retailer

• He decides to get manicures, and watch reality TV shows

• Guy still lives with his parents and is a virgin

• He drives a mini cooper.

It's pure confusion. Men should be men and women should be women, we're not the same sex.

Title	Really drawn to RP and "traditional" lifestyles, feeling conflicted
Author	raindroppolkadots
Upvotes	15
Comments	35
Date	November 26, 2024 10:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1h0p8b1/really_drawn_to_rp_and_traditional_lifestyles/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/really-drawn-to-rp-and-traditional-lifestyles.1537004 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537004

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