I don’t see a lot of this here so maybe it will resonate with some. Married to a wonderful woman who was significantly younger than me. This was my third marriage and her second. Married for 10 years, together for 11. I have a demanding job as a C-suite executive and she (with my help) started a successful business and we have a beautiful home and a 5 year old child. Over the years, for reasons I am beginning to unpack, I became critical, impatient, and negative. The stress of building a career and life took their toll and I became hyper fixated on career goals to the exclusion of all else.
And then, suddenly, she was done. She is a positive person and didn’t let me know she was unhappy until it was too late. But that doesn’t negate the fact that I was treating her poorly. Essentially taking her for granted. No budging. Left the house to stay with family and filed less than two weeks later. We are attempting to build bridges of communication for the sake of our child, but it’s clear that she is gone.
Now I am focusing on learning the tough lessons and building a relationship that fully supports our child and shields them from as much harm as possible. Just today, as she stopped by the house to pick up some clothes, we discussed the division of assets and she became very agitated and seemed shocked that the next step of this journey is breaking apart the systems that provided us a wonderful and privileged life. Especially the business that was started during our marriage (we are in a very straightforward community property state). She said that, ideally, she would get the house and business. I almost laughed. No, we split it all and divide it equally. “But that could bankrupt the business!” Yes. Unfortunately, it could end the business. I think she believed that, because I am open about her issues being true, that I would roll over. Not so. I would love to reconcile and work on a future. Beyond that, I want to amicably divide the assets. I am also very isolated with most, if not all, of my relationships being work related. I’m lonely. But I’m committed to spending time working on me and my child and building a new life.
Has anyone been successful in building a functional and healthy relationship with the ex? If I can’t make the marriage work, I’d at least like to make the divorce work.