It's the idea that I'll always love my wife a dangerous one?

ADHD_247 · 2025-01-23T23:15:09+00:00

The best advice a Father can pass onto their children in this day in age is to prepare for divorce going into a marriage with/without the intention to have children.

Sadly this is testimony to truely loving someone in this day and age and perhaps we should be revisiting the institution of marriage itself to deal with this at commencement of the mariage for no other reason than based upon statistics alone.

Jordanthecomeback · 2025-01-23T03:35:31+00:00

It's not an issue healthy well adjusted dudes should be having. Don't mean that as a means to cause offense, but don't want to tiptoe either. You talk about addiction, your lying, and then go on to how great she is. Ok, sounds like she's way better than you, and you're broken up, right? The solution is to become the best version of you that you can.

That's what hit me during my divorce, I'm old, I've gotta fight and get back out there, what the hell am I doing, etc. so I stepped back from it and decided I was going to be better, better for myself, better for the next girl (I did remarry). I hopped on testosterone, hit the gym, identified my strengths and weaknesses, worked to overcome the latter, became obsessed with self improvement, I read a lot of classic lit, I'm learning new instruments, I play new sports, I've learned to interact with people better and be more social, I'm learning a new language, etc etc while my ex wife stays as fat and dumb as she ever was when we were together.

I feel like I'm saying this all stupidly and can't word it right but if you were superior to your ex in most ways, you wouldn't have that "I'll always love her feeling", so get to work and be better than her and be a good dude for your kid, having a kid means no drugs or BS bro, you know that.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-22T20:25:43+00:00

You cant move forward while looking back.

Move to indifference, not love. Take the love you had for her and give it to yourself.

It's a hard reality but she no longer loves or cares about you.

Do yourself and your son a favor and get 50/50 parenting time in writing.

BatGuano52 · 2025-01-22T14:22:12+00:00

Do you still love family members that have died?

It's the same with her, you can still love her, but you have to accept that she's not coming back and you have to grieve the loss of her.

It's going to be harder because you will see her regularly.

I would suggest counseling.

fromcradletoglaive · 2025-01-21T22:38:43+00:00

Story my old boss used to tell me:

He was with some business partners and they were doing lines of... a recreational substance. They offered him some and he took a bump. After he experienced the high they offered him more.

"No, thanks."

"What? You didn't like it?"

"Oh no, I goddamn' loved it. I'm never doing that again!"

It isn't point t for point but I took the moral as this: You can love something, even if it gave you the greatest joy att some point, but still understand it will kill you in more ways than one.

Vollen595 · 2025-01-21T22:14:59+00:00

I love who I thought my ex was. The real her is a horrible person who caused PTSD for my daughter. Now I’m just counting the days until my kid turns 18 so I can pretend she never happened.

AvacodoCartwheeler · 2025-01-21T22:03:51+00:00

Respectfully, it's ok to acknowledge that she's a good Mom and good person. "loving her from a distance" sounds somewhat like someone who later murders their EX who left them.

ImportantRecipe3087 · 2025-01-21T21:55:42+00:00

Yes you are better off just look after yourself. Whether you ‘move on’ is such a vague and individual concept it’s not worth even thinking about. But do just look after yourself from now on. Every one else will do the same!

Title	It's the idea that I'll always love my wife a dangerous one?
Author	GoldGarage115
Upvotes	7
Comments	17
Date	January 21, 2025 9:45 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1i6u932/its_the_idea_that_ill_always_love_my_wife_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-the-idea-that-ill-always-love-my-wife-a.1541811 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541811

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