Wife asked for a separation and moved herself out to the garage two weeks ago. Since then, she has told me that she wants space and hopes to reconcile at some point. I am not sure that we will be able to reconcile and am not sure that I even want to, but we do have kids and it’s worth temporarily suspending judgement on that point.

Yesterday, I gave her written terms of separation to start the process of creating a legal agreement. I also told her that I needed to move out for a while if there was to be any hope of recovery and reconciliation. Her response was “I do not consent to you signing a lease” - citing the potential emotional impact to our kids with her insistence on an in-home separation. She says she is willing to give me whatever separation terms I want as long as I stay in the house. I realize that I don’t need her consent, but it would be nice to have her agreement so we can keep things as amicable as possible for the sake of effective co-parenting and avoiding unnecessary legal fees.

Not proud of this, but in response I flipped my lid and got nasty with her over text messaging. Historically I am able to contain myself and am usually the calm partner, but after containing it and keeping the peace for years it’s starting to just come out, like a pot that is boiling over I have found my limit. It’s becoming toxic and I feel like I am losing my grip on reality. I realize that it will be hard on everyone if I go, but I think we will all eventually be ok. I know it will be extremely hard on me if I stay and I worry that I might have a mental breakdown if I do that. I want to get out soon for the sake of my own mental health.

I am the breadwinner and make about 10x what she brings in, but it’s not enough to sustain two households without her going to work full time. I’ve drawn up detailed budgets and a solid plan to live separately for a while. There is a place for rent that is below market and two blocks from our home, and she would be able to stay in the house.

Is it crazy of me to actually consider ditching my plan of moving down the street and staying in the home with a legal separation agreement and just setting very specific boundaries around the situation? How has that worked for anyone else in the past? Need a sanity check on this one please.