Need Advice. I can open fine, but can't seem to build attraction.

epimpstyle · 2025-05-05T09:58:41+00:00

- "I maintain good eye contact" - are you James Bond, trying to seduce her with your eyes? You only need eye contact in the beginning for a few seconds. After that, forget about "strong eye contact" and just look at her like you look at your friends when you talk with them. Don’t be a weirdo.

- "Trying to tease" is tricky, if you do it before she’s "hooked" it’s game over. If you do it later, well... better late than never, but avoid being too late.It’s hard to explain in theory, but when you're actually talking to someone, it becomes obvious, you can clearly tell whether to push things forward or take a step back.

- "I tend to make the conversation too logical." - There's nothing wrong with that, as long as it doesn't last too long. To break the monotony, insert some jokes. Have 3-4 funny or interesting stories ready, and sprinkle them throughout the conversation. For example: "I see your bracelet/ring/necklace... It reminds me of [insert a funny story]..." or "Did you say you're a waitress/cashier? A friend of mine has an ex who was also a waitress/cashier, and he told me... [insert another funny/interesting story]..." It’s as simple as that! I read many guys saying "be natural", "be genuine", "be authentic", "be genuinely interested in her" - honestly, it is easy to say but hard to apply IRL, forget about these things and focus to be playful, positive, optimistic, friendly, insert some jokes in conversation to break the monothony of the conversation.

There was a guy who said to a girl, "Oh, nice jacket! Where did you get it from?'" He claimed to me that he was genuinely interested in knowing, but I asked him, "why were you interested? Do you want to buy the same jacket for yourself or for your sister/mom?". She's a stranger, how can you suddenly be "genuinely" interested in her? No matter how you look at it, it's not truly genuine, it is just a lie you tell to yourself. It is important to be able to make a subject to talk about, there is no need to be genuinely interested in her, is hard to do.

This is how you build attraction > there are also all kinds of routines/gambits/tricks/funny things to do when talking with a girl, Phill Heitlinger gave a few examples VIDEO, VIDEO In other words, once you become playful, you make jokes, everything else will naturally become easier, at this stage even if you make/say something silly it is no problem, she knows you are joking.

- "showing intent enough" - If you give a girl 2-3 compliments, it's enough! She knows what is going on. Of course, after she is "hooked", you need to become playful and make all kinds of jokes to escalate- this is all you need.

Realistic-Load-1302 · 2025-05-05T21:03:41+00:00

This used to happen to me too. I’d open fine, get some interest, and then feel it slowly slip away mid-convo.

What changed things was realizing attraction isn’t built by “trying” to build attraction. It’s not about saying flirty things or perfect timing, it’s about vibe. Playfulness, boldness, presence. If the convo feels too logical or polite, it starts to feel like an interview.

Try teasing more, being unpredictable, saying things just for fun and even exaggerate a little. It shifts the energy from safe to magnetic. And if you’re calm and grounded while doing it, that combo builds tension fast.

ImpossibleBritches · 2025-05-05T04:46:25+00:00

I think the scene puts far too much emphasis on "building attraction".

In reality, humans have very good instincts. Most women you talk to will trust their instincts in regard to whether to take things further. And there is very very little you can do about, other than build your character over the long term.

What you could do tactically is simply work on making the conversation interesting and keeping it alive. Don't waste your time trying to execute flirtatious gambit unless they feel very natural. Don't exhibit your intent, but don't bother trying to hide it either.

So just try and keep the conversation alive. Be interested and interesting. Be genuinely curious about her.

norwegiandoggo · 2025-05-05T06:23:22+00:00

If your idea of great early conversation is "hey your eyes are beautiful" then i understand why women lose attraction for you once you talk to them.

You need to learn what is attractive to say and what isn't. There's a LOT to that. But for starters, don't begin by complimenting a woman's genetic appearance if she's beautiful.

I suspect you're just losing attraction because you're saying the wrong things.

A general guideline is to gather information about her (ask her open-ended questions to try to get to know her) and share information (tell her something about you). And ideally this goes back and forth in a 50/50 manner where you both share and ask for information at equal ratios. Try to get to that point as quickly as possible.

Start with safe, superficial and contextual info. Like "what do you think of this bar?" And move slowly and gradually to more personal topics. So that you can open her up to you gradually as her trust increases over time.

becomesharp · 2025-05-05T05:53:47+00:00

Several issues I see here from your description:

1) You're assuming that building attraction is done by showing intent and making eye contact. That's not how it works. That's the equivalent of saying that a good sales pitch by a car salesman is to signal that you intend to sell them the car. That does NOT make the customer want the car. In order to build attraction she has to LOVE hanging out with you because youre the most fun, exciting person she's met in a long time. You don't do that by just showing intent.

2) Youre not using any structure in your interactions. You're basically opening and then winging it and hoping for the best. If you run enough reps you'll eventually figure things out through pure trial and error, but you're reinventing the wheel and it's going to take you a LOT longer to learn that way. Imagine learning math not by following a structure or pattern or technique but by just doing random shit with the numbers and hoping you eventually figure out how to get the right answer.

3) You're focusing on the wrong thing. Don't focus on "building attraction" when you are running out of things to say. Strong conversational foundation comes BEFORE attraction. You must walk before you can run.

4) You're assuming that the order goes something like:

a. Open

b. Build Attraction

c. Escalate/Close

But it doesn't. The order (in night game) usually goes something closer to:

Phase 1

1a. Open

1b. Be able to lead the conversation without running out of things to say or staling out the topics

1c. Reposition yourself so that you're not psychologically an outsider in the circle

Phase 2

2a. Manage the entire group she's with

2b. Make her laugh

2c. Flirt with her / show playful interest

Phase 3

3a. Isolate and build an emotional connection

3b. Show genuine interest

3c. Exchange contact information

Phase 4

4a. Build sexual tension

4b. Move to another location in the bar (if you havent already)

4c. Kiss

Phase 5

5a. Take her home

5b. Arousal

5c. Address her comfort levels + Sex

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-05-05T07:01:33+00:00

Whats happening is that you're able to get hook point because you can do a strong approach. Good, acknowledge that.

You lose the attraction after the fact because your verbals are poor. Read my articles on the principles of flirting and verbal techniques.

The most important is the core four. Cold reads, Q/DQs and storytelling. You HAVE attraction, but you're losing it after the fact.

Chicagoj1563 · 2025-05-05T11:30:56+00:00

Make the next skill to work on the ability to talk without filter. Learn how to keep talking and adding things to the conversation.

Add self amusement to avoid boring topics. Mix normal flatline conversation with self amused humor. Find a balance.

Avoid overly logical conversations. Spike it up with something fun, or sarcastic, or playful.

But learn how to talk without filter.

that-dreamer · 2025-05-05T15:04:27+00:00

I tend to make the conversation too logical

Probably this tbh. Women do not want to debate about the economy. They want to laugh and feel butterflies. Make the conversation about them, talk about what kind of guys they like and tease 'em if they approached you: "so do you always pick up guys at the bar or am I special"

That and if the conversation fizzles you're probably not escalating physically enough. Touch her arm, lean in, grab her hand and lead her somewhere you can sit close together, then put your arm around her.

TripleDigitNomad · 2025-05-07T11:10:15+00:00

It does sound like you're being too logical instead of being fun. Skip the interview questions and keep the convo fun and playful. Obviously ask a few get to know her questions, but use them as a base to branch off of into more interesting and fun topics.

Title	Need Advice. I can open fine, but can't seem to build attraction.
Author	bmonus
Upvotes	9
Comments	12
Date	May 5, 2025 4:25 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1kf31ov/need_advice_i_can_open_fine_but_cant_seem_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-advice-i-can-open-fine-but-cant-seem-to-build.1551453 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551453

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