Divorce advice

mesi130 · 2025-05-14T08:37:19+00:00

It’s about financials now. She’s not your friend.

Maybe_an_Abyss · 2025-05-14T03:26:43+00:00

Think about prioritizing speed to finish vs “winning”. Especially if no kids or older kids. The sooner it is over the sooner you can get started.

Study Long, Study Wrong.

jus saying, i can confirm that this was a mistake i made.

1LegalEagle · 2025-05-14T02:06:56+00:00

It will be rough. You will feel things you have not felt before. Try not to react. Talk to a therapist, friend, family member who can help you stay grounded. You will feel much better in a year. It will probably take longer to fully heal.

iqeq_noqueue · 2025-05-14T01:19:08+00:00

Be prepared for the nasty stuff about to come your way. She knows you. She knows what you are most proud of in your marriage. Be ready for her to tell everyone that’s why she’s leaving you. The lies they are capable of will twist your mind. Every moment of kindness they exhibit to make you feel better or give into human decency will be ripped away so fast it will give you whiplash; by design. That woman you married is dead. The creature you see in front of you is real. That’s who she is to you now. I wish I had accepted that earlier. “The woman you married” was a character that she’s never playing again.

Bulky-Percentage-243 · 2025-05-13T18:11:14+00:00

Find a good friend or family member and lean on them for logic.

The emotions will be a rollercoaster. Disassociate if you can. Ultimately they'll be your emotions alone to manage, so might as well get a head start.

Practice mindfulness. Acknowledge the emotions and upsets but make a conscious choice not to act on them. This saved me a few times. Every time I did act on something in my divorce, it spiraled. And it left me feeling a whole lot worse. Stoicism is like a super power eventually.

Assume she'll be a monster. Women externalize "happily ever after" as though it's a husband's duty to lead his wife to fulfillment. And if you're talking divorce, that didn't work out. The rationale is always "the guy failed." So, even if it's not your fault, it's your fault. Just be prepared for it and brush it off. Expect a lot of frowns. Don't expect much credit for stuff like ... I dunno, keeping a roof over everyone's head for the past 20 years. Kidding, not kidding.

Watch your money. Average divorce cost $20k in my neck of the woods. Credit scores tend to drop as spending habits go wonky (new living arrangements, new furniture, etc etc). Any build up of debt tends to spook creditors. Get very familiar with credit karma.

Money is easier to move before filing in my state. Filing freezes most assets. If you have kids for example, you might consider (check with a lawyer and financial advisor) dumping assets into a 529.

jimsmythee · 2025-05-13T15:44:43+00:00

My best and brightest tip to give you;

Divorces are about money and child custody. Anything else? The courts flat out don't care.

With your lawyer? Keep everything based on money and child custody. Only deal with your lawyer's paralegal via email. Nothing else unless it is absolutely required to meet in person w/ your lawyer.

No one cares about your life's story.

Courts only care about documented evidence - police involvement, court cases, etc.

Don't believe a word of anything your STBXW will tell you, or her lawyer. They are both in cahoots to lie as much as possible to get themselves the best possible outcome. They will both love to offer you bad advice, or self-serving advice.

Gen_X_Xoomer · 2025-05-13T02:43:11+00:00

Get the nastiest lawyer possible. A men’s only type firm because she’s going to do the same. I agree with the post above. Stay off social media, document EVERYTHING, don’t talk about the divorce, and stay away from women until it’s finalized.

atomicnugget202 · 2025-05-13T02:12:33+00:00

Get a lawyer, delete social media, don't drink, don't talk casually talk about divorce with spouse. Those conversations need to be intentional & thorough.

frogmicky · 2025-05-13T01:59:55+00:00

Be on the lookout for a change in her personality, She will change like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Keep a record of all her crazy messages to you because she will do irrational stuff.

condortheboss · 2025-05-13T01:53:54+00:00

be on the lookout for how much she will lie about you to family, friends, and the internet, and how she will try to take more than what she deserves. Record all your financial statements at date of separation to determine values of items. Don't let her take your shit.

Title	Divorce advice
Author	jbn701
Upvotes	5
Comments	19
Date	May 12, 2025 11:45 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kl7og4/divorce_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-advice.1552051 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552051

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