So recently, I was on a date and the girl asked me that classic question: “So, what are you looking for?”

You know the one. And I asked her to clarify - “What exactly do you mean by that?”

She goes, “Well, like… are you looking for something serious, like a committed relationship? Or are you just trying to sleep around?”

And that question got me thinking. Because that kind of mindset - where you think dating has to be one or the other - is super limiting. And a lot of people, guys and girls, think this way.

They believe dating is binary. You’re either in a serious, committed, exclusive relationship…or you’re just out there hooking up with random people, emotionally detached, just chasing empty sex.

It’s black or white. Zero or one. And honestly? That belief messes people up.

The World Isn’t Binary. 

That binary view simply isn’t true. The world doesn’t work like that. Relationships don’t work like that.

I mean, sure - computers run on ones and zeroes. But human beings? Our emotions? Relationships? Way more nuanced.

Life isn’t black and white - it’s made up of all these shades of gray, and color, and complexity. So why would dating be any different?

Why This Mindset Limits You

Here’s the thing: when you buy into that binary mindset, you start to feel like there are only two paths you’re allowed to walk. And if you don’t want either of them?

You’re screwed.

Like… what if you don’t want to just sleep around, but you also don’t want a super time-intensive, exclusive relationship where you’re texting good morning and good night every single day, seeing each other 5 times a week, doing the whole traditional thing?

What if that just doesn’t work for you right now?

Well… according to that binary mindset, you’re not "relationship material." You don’t fit into the system. And so a lot of people just give up. They think, “Maybe I’m just not made for dating.”

Which is crazy.

Or even worse, a lot of people end up picking something they don’t even want… just because it seems like the “less bad” option.

Like, “I don’t really want a full-on monogamous relationship right now, but at least that’s better than feeling empty or being judged… so I guess I’ll settle.”

Then what happens? You’re in a relationship you don’t want. You’re not happy. Your partner isn’t happy either. And now you’re stuck in something that drains you.

All because you thought there were only two options.

You Can Build Your Own Relationship

Here’s what I’ve learned: you don’t have to play by those rules.

You don’t have to pick from a preset dating menu, like you’re at McDonald’s. You’re allowed to create your own order.

Maybe you want emotional connection, but not exclusivity. Maybe you want depth, but also freedom. Maybe you want to explore without being cold and detached.

That’s totally valid. There’s no rulebook. You get to build what works for you.

And sure - people might criticize you. They’ll say things like, “That’s not real commitment,” or “That’s not how dating is supposed to work.”

Okay. That’s their opinion. Who cares?

Most of the time, those people are just projecting their own insecurities. They confuse things like monogamy with commitment, when often it’s just possessiveness, jealousy, or scarcity disguised as something noble.

But again - that’s their menu. You don’t have to eat off it.

The Benefits of Going Your Own Way

Once you start choosing your own path, something amazing happens:

-You open yourself up to way more possibilities. 

-You feel more excited about dating. 

-You start meeting people who actually align with you - because you’re being real, and they’re being real.

Some of those connections might last a few weeks. Others, months. Maybe even years. But they’ll be genuine. Because you’re not forcing a mold - you’re living the way you want.

I’ve had some amazing relationships this way. Not because they followed some societal blueprint. But because they were authentic.

And this isn’t just about dating. It’s about life in general.

Binary thinking limits you in everything. Reality is nuanced. And the nuances? That’s where all the good stuff lives. That’s what makes life interesting, meaningful, and fun.

So don’t settle for someone else’s dating menu. Build your own.