We read about men using religion against women. We studied men using religion to oppress women. But why isn’t there enough talk about how women use religion to oppress men when it’s quite prevalent across many toxic cultures?

They use it to shame men who cannot provide for their families. They use it to shame men who are struggling with mental or physical health issues. They use it to avoid men in a rude, condescending way. Granted, most of these behaviors aren’t common in Christian communities in the West anymore, but look at communities that adhere more strictly to religion, such as Muslims. If you follow Western Muslim circles on social media, you’ll find women who barely observe Islam yet take pride in being mean to men. Many push for large dowries while ignoring everything that comes with them. They shame men for not wanting to marry women who require high mehrs (mehr is a dowry paid by the husband to his wife). The comments they leave are absolutely disgusting, belittling men in every possible way. I’ve even seen posts that say, “Men used to die in wars and now they complain about too much mehr.” Almost always, those same women insist on focusing on their careers and invoke Islamic rules that require husbands to allow their wives to work.

I have no problem with any women’s rights, but so often these women want traditions and cultures that benefit them while rejecting those that benefit men. This seems specific to Muslims, probably because they are likely the most orthodox major minority group in the U.S, but it's something common among a lot of deeply religious cultures of a lot of religion. I used to assume that Muslim men in the West simply oppressed women, because that’s the stereotype. But when I looked at what was actually happening, I found the exact opposite. It turned out to be many women projecting their own faults onto men so that anyone unaware would still believe they’re oppressed. The pro male communities of the Muslim internet are not mainstream and are very small in number. Just take a look at the most pro male subreddit for Muslims (traditionalmuslims) vs the hijabi subreddit. The difference in member count, activity, and support is insane. The Muslim women have their groups where they can have their own "safe-space", however none is allowed for Muslim men (just like it is for men in general). And the top Muslim subreddits about marriage have had instances where women's hostile behavior got so bad that the moderators had to jump in to protect the men. https://www.reddit.com/r/TraditionalMuslims/comments/1gcciwb/surprisingly_correct_decision_from_mm_mods/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

The way these Muslim women are treating their own men was genuinely depressing to see. It was even more upsetting that the men would try to make sure not to offend the women in any way possible but they will still find a way to blame it on a man. Even men that get abused got responses like "women act masculine when the husband is not doing his duty". I feel like a lot more non-Muslim men need to at least see what's going on in these deeply religious communities because they show us that it is literally the same problems men in general face, but 10 times worse. Because the women have the victim card of being Muslim and a woman in their hands, and the men have the burden of being from a deeply patriarchal culture on their shoulders. But the women also have the freedom living in the west, where they have any support that they want or need, but the men have to prove that they are not a misogynistic POS like their culture is.

I know people might bring up honor killings, so here’s some context. I’ve met Muslim women who told me that honor killings are heavily promoted by misandrist Muslim women and others because it highlights extreme male violence and makes it seem more common. It’s much like how many feminists have created mass hysteria about men being rapists, to the point where many unaware men believe all men are terrible and feel no necessity to call out sexism against men. I can confidently say that the worse type of misandry and male oppression I saw was in western Muslim communities. It seems the reason why that's the case is because 1. Muslim women can use multiple victim cards, 2. Muslim men are scared to even speak out because the moment they do they will be harassed by women. 3. Muslim men are trying to avoid the burden of stereotypes that weigh them down and they want to prove that Islam is accepting to women and gives women rights. 4. There are a large number of resources dedicated towards safeguarding women, but nothing for men in comparison.

When you think about it, it's the exact type of thinking we had before we realized that we were the ones being oppressed and having to be punished for the crimes generations that had nothing to do with us committed.