Early on in the dating process, how can I get over him hooking up with other girls?

MoreThanPurple · 2025-10-09T22:49:02+00:00

I’m locking this as it’s extremely similar to your last post you deleted which is not allowed. Either you are a troll or you are making the exact same mistakes a second time - and similarly trying to defend them.

sine120 · 2025-10-09T20:06:56+00:00

What is your goal here? You've described a casual relationship with a man you barely know, with no defined relationship structure. Getting over him hooking up with other girls seems like a secondary concern if your goal is commitment.

eveningberry- · 2025-10-09T20:03:47+00:00

You don’t get over it, you move on and find someone who isn’t only looking for casual sex. He’s not going to suddenly decide you’re special and he wants to get married, he didn’t even care if you saw his bio update right after spending time with you the first time.

Not trying to be rude but it kills me how many girls allow behavior like this, it will cause you nothing but hurt and wasted time.

NationalMouse · 2025-10-09T19:49:44+00:00

Yes, you should go on more dates and not put all your eggs in one basket. Also, stop spending the night with men you’ve just met, even if sex isn’t happening since you almost did have sex anyway. The reason you feel so slighted is because you lowered your boundaries for him when you weren’t expecting to. If you can’t trust yourself around someone then don’t put yourself in a situation where you may feel used after. However, if it were me and I knew a guy I liked was going to another city just to “have some fun” with other women I’d probably block and move on, that’s an immediate turn off.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-10-09T20:21:39+00:00

But, I don’t know, how are we supposed to deal with this?

"We" as in the two of you or women in general? If it's the former, this is not a "we" situation. You're the only one who has to deal with this. This is just the cost of doing business when you get physical early. You have to decide if you're still willing to just have fun if it's indeed just having fun. That's something women in general have to decide. He could not have possibly been clearer about where he stands.

But should I just force myself to date around so that all my attention isn’t on one guy?

I think you're being overly optimistic about the chances of this going anywhere. It's one thing to be seeing other people, not declaring exclusivity, and keeping your profile active. It's another thing entirely to blatantly solicit sex on your profile. Add in the fact that he's not replying as much and I think you need to prepare yourself for the likelihood that this was just a one night stand. You say you didn't regret it and had fun. Hold onto that. I don't think you'll get more.

amethyst-ice · 2025-10-09T20:45:32+00:00

Some women are happy to turn a blind eye to their husband stepping out on them in their marriage because they deem him "high value" enough. Some women would consider a guy to be "high value" because he never has and never will fuck around with women sexually. So I guess it's up to you to decide what you're okay with and what you consider to be high value.

Personally, I would expect a man to feel a strong enough connection/attraction/interest in me to stop messing around with other women after getting to know me properly, especially after being intimate. Otherwise I'd be worried that he's someone who doesn't know what he wants, or someone who would still be messing around with other women while in a serious relationship.

EyesForYou21 · 2025-10-09T19:48:58+00:00

This would be such a turnoff for me I would immediately stop feeling it and let him know lol (who cares if you look like a weirdo for noticing his profile changed). And yes, I would date (but not sleep with) multiple men at once until you find the one you really mesh with.

FunTemporary8680 · 2025-10-09T21:20:51+00:00

I am new to RPW, but I think a major part of it is knowing what you want… and if this is not how you want your future husband to behave, then try not to let yourself justify and make excuses for it.

My current relationship is 15 months today, despite our issues and complications, one of the things that drew me in was he instantly knew what he wanted and that is me. He is a handsome man, fit, six pack, got all the onlookers as he works shirtless in his good, manly job… (construction) — but stayed celibate and single for the better part of 7 years, waiting for the one. He could’ve hooked up any time he wanted but that wasn’t his goal and despite the sacrifice and suffering caused by loneliness, and only being intimate twice in a 7 year time frame, he persisted. He maintained high standards, didn’t engage with women who didn’t fit what he was looking for and never slept around.

Within a couple days of chatting online (we met on an app), he knew he wanted to meet. Within 3 days of meeting, he knew he wanted to commit. We waited until the third day after meeting to kiss. He said he wanted to kiss me right away but didn’t want to scare me off and knew I was a woman who wasn’t comfortable with moving too fast and appreciated that about me. And we waited to do anything more than kiss, until we both established that what we wanted was a committed, exclusive, faithful, real relationship with the intention of forever. Marriage, kids, family, etc. the whole nine yards.

ETA - I should add that during this time he deleted his dating apps, cut off contact with other females he’d been talking to and certainly wasn’t hooking up or going on dates. Mind you, we started talking on the 4th, met on the 9th, (saw each other daily from the 9th onward.) kissed on the 11th, and made love on the 14th, so we moved fast but all the necessary steps had been taken and conversations had been had. He just knew what he wanted and I wanted it as well. I felt a bit guilty because that’s the soonest after meeting someone I’d ever slept with them but I didn’t feel too guilty because it all just felt so right and we were committed and still are despite having things to work on.

And he told me on day three, an hour or so after our first kiss that he was never going to have sex with me. I immediately thought maybe he had a health problem that prevented him from being able to preform or something. So I just sweetly said “Oh, okay. That’s okay.” And my hamster was spinning on reasons why he medically may not be able to and readjusting my mindset to envision a future without that sort of thing… but within moments he clarified “I am only ever going to make love to you. It will not be just sex and I certainly won’t ever fuck you.” — which made sense to me.

What I’m trying to say is… what you’re asking for, is out there and you are worth it and you can have it. In RPW (I’m new so take this lightly) I believe being clear on what we want and setting boundaries and taking appropriate actions (vetting thoroughly, moving on when vetting isn’t revealing green lights for us, etc.) is really important. Women often come with a programmed mindset to settle, excuse, justify, etc. I think in RPW, we’re supposed to try to avoid that? I could be wrong though.

AutoModerator · 2025-10-09T19:38:51+00:00

Title: Early on in the dating process, how can I get over him hooking up with other girls?

Author shehasntseenkentucky

Full text: Hi everyone. 32/F here and after two LTRs that took up most my twenties, I do want to find the right person for me.

I began online dating about a month ago. On Sunday, I went on a date with a man I’m really sexually attracted to and we went back to his place (I know, I know, but it’s been 8 months since my relationship ended and I’m horny AF). He’s 6’2”, hot, with a good manly job.

We didn’t have sex, but I admittedly went farther than I should have. I don’t regret it because I enjoyed myself and I’m just getting back into dating and this is a learning experience for me. As in- I’m learning wtf NOT to do.

Anyways, since he was leaving for a work trip the next morning, we agreed to see each other on Saturday, the day after he gets back.

His communication with me started off strong on Monday but has waned. I mirror him back. I also noticed on his dating profile he put “Here in <city name> until Friday, let’s have some fun”.

:(

It stung when I saw it but he just wants to fuck, and so it’s not a big deal, right? But, I don’t know, how are we supposed to deal with this? I’m going to try to let it not affect how I interact with him the next time I see him, but it kinda repels me a bit.

For me, it’s hard to date more than one person at a time, so I was planning on seeing just him until it either blossoms into a real relationship or it doesn’t. But should I just force myself to date around so that all my attention isn’t on one guy?

Thanks girls, you guys offer the best wisdom out there

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Deliaallmylife · 2025-10-09T20:50:06+00:00

How old is he? You only mention your own age.

SeaMuted9754 · 2025-10-09T19:53:02+00:00

I think drop him. Most guys make it clear who their dream girl is during the right time in their life. If you want a long term relationship look for people who are in your area. Though he can be the one just keep your emotions in check because he is not putting effort to date like you.

I know guys who were just looking for a good time and found their dream girl. They made it clear to that girl that they ment business from the time they focused on them to their blunt request for them to be their girlfriend early on. Don’t allow yourself to have a long distance situationship. Keep dating looks mean nothing if he isn’t into you.

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Title	Early on in the dating process, how can I get over him hooking up with other girls?
Author	shehasntseenkentucky
Upvotes	2
Comments	37
Date	October 9, 2025 7:38 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1o2fmag/early_on_in_the_dating_process_how_can_i_get_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/early-on-in-the-dating-process-how-can-i-get-over.1563762 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563762

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