Bad friends or products of liberal dating culture?

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-11-28T14:00:36+00:00

It is your body and if you don't want to let men use it without commitment, that is a perfectly valid choice. I had friends like this in my twenties. They mocked me for having a number of one at 27. They mocked me for not having kissed anyone but that one. They mocked me for taking things slow with my husband. It was "just a joke" when they said it, but of course if I made a joke about their one-night-stands, I was a judgemental bitch.

In hindsight, I realize this was their own insecurity. I had something men might value, something I independently valued for various reasons, that they couldn't get back. They could be thinner and cooler and better party girls, but they'd always have high numbers. I actually didn't judge them, but they clearly judged themselves, because I've met plenty of women with higher numbers since who don't act this way.

The answer to your question is that it's both liberal dating culture and people who are bing bad friends. You told them you don't want to do something with your own body. They don't get a vote on that.

Svetneela · 2025-11-28T13:37:04+00:00

As a 24F myself who values intentional relationships, I understand your concern completely.

When you know you want marriage one day, it makes sense to step back and look at who you are becoming in the present. During the time I’m single, I think about the kind of woman I want to be for my future husband, and the kind of man I want to build a life with.

And for me, intimacy isn’t something casual. Every connection leaves a trace, emotionally, psychologically, even spiritually. I don’t want to offer something deeply meaningful to someone who isn’t the man I’ll choose and who choose me I want my bond with my man to feel unique, exclusive, intentional.

That’s not about shame, it’s about value, alignment and the kind of relationship I want to build.

I also don’t buy into the “nothing matters, do whatever, men should accept everything” narrative.

In real life, high-value men don’t think like that. Mature, intentional, masculine men care about how a woman lives, what she values, how she chooses, how she respects herself and her relationships.

And honestly, I prefer a man who does care about those things, because that means he also lives with integrity.

I don’t judge anyone who chooses differently; everyone has their own path, priorities and worldview. And yes, someone who truly loves you should accept your past. But it’s also okay to admit that past intimacy shapes us, affects our future bonds, and influences the type of relationship we will create. It also tells a lot about yourself what you value, what you want to protect, what feels meaningful to you, and the kind of connection your heart is actually seeking.

You’re not wrong for wanting to pause, be celibate for a bit, and realign with what you genuinely want.

You’re not “internalizing patriarchy,” you’re being intentional. You’re honouring yourself, your future, your values, the bond that you want to create with someone that you’ll love and eventually build a life with

And honestly, that’s simply a truth that comes from knowing yourself deeply and honouring what matters to you. Not everyone resonates with it, but there is a beauty in choosing what feels right for your heart and your future

In a way, hook-up culture functions like a silent war against values and meaningful bonds.

It sells the idea that freedom means “using” intimacy without intention, to enjoy life and your body, but what it actually destroys is the foundation humans need to build real love, self-respect, emotional security and long-term trust. It’s not liberation, it’s fragmentation.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2025-11-28T16:08:50+00:00

Most people get defensive when you say that you’re doing something different than them. Don’t drink? Don’t eat fast food? Any other type of intentional disciplined lifestyle choice? You will get practically the same response from lots of people which is them reacting with “you think you’re better than me because of that???? Fuck you!!”

Anything you do that goes against the herd will likely get the same reaction. Your friends don’t want to feel judged by you and they clearly do. They also probably haven’t really reflected on their behavior, realized that there are different paths with pros and cons, and made their own conclusions. It sounds like they have just gone with the flow and are regurgitating sound bites from other people as a reflexive defense mechanism because what you said made them feel bad. Women especially value social cohesion, and when you step out of line you threaten the stability of the group.

I personally do not discuss any RP type stuff with my friends because, for one, I’m not trying to change anyone else, and two I guess I value group cohesion over expressing my personal relationship opinions. If you feel that discussing this part of your life with your friends is so important, you may need to find different friends who are more aligned with your views here.

Smiling-Quokka1961 · 2025-11-28T14:02:16+00:00

It sounds like they failed to recognize your true desires during moments you confided in them.

From personal experience where I decided to separate from a group who would constantly do the same, distance empowered me to see that the omission on their part was possibly in active listening and the exercise of impulse control.

People tend to say the first thoughts that come to their mind like they have been conditioned. They’d be unconscious of the fact if that is true. So it requires testing. Have you verified that this is a repeated infraction amongst them?

Humans can become quite prideful or defensive when challenged with the idea that maybe they lacked presence during scenarios that call for more too, so verify again.

You are not responsible for teaching everyone you meet traits that constitute as good (friendship) behaviours but it is important to speak up in a way that promotes harmony, cohesion and to see things through.

I know the ways in which I addressed this in my case was shy of the best I could do, and since traits like this require practice, what I’m saying is that we have to decide where to draw the line.

Whatever you do decide whether that’s setting boundaries, communicating more openly, or taking some distance…it’s about what supports your emotional well-being. Kind of like where you have on the subject of celibacy. :) Good luck! <3

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-11-28T18:43:22+00:00

People like this want you to be like them. If everyone is a slut then nobody is a slut. That's basically it. That is part of the appeal of "I don't have to listen to no MAN!" it means the speaker can go be a turbo slut without (so she thinks) consequences. It rationalizes her behavior in her mind so that she doesn't have to think about possible consequences someday.

So yeah, you have to do what's right for you. Learn how to say that to people, along with "Thanks for your advice." Don't waste your time and energy arguing with people who don't have your best interests at heart. They just want you to be like them.

Pale_Lab_1517 · 2025-12-02T21:46:09+00:00

I have very little experience as a 37F with very little partners. I have been ghosted for this reason by men. I was shamed for being a 32 year old virgin by a man younger than me. My friends didn't mock me but they did pity me. I've found that with my lack of partners and experience, when I did have sex, it wasn't an enjoyable experience because I didn't know what felt good for me. OP you are a women with experience and thus you know your body and can feel empowered about that fact. It's your body and anyone who judges you for what you do with your body (an act that men do more than women and are encouraged to do it) then they can kick rocks. This discussion is so strange to me because as I've gotten older, men expect me to be more experienced.

Also, your body is a temple. It's sacred. I see nothing wrong with being celibate to figure out what you want. All that energy entering your body doesn't need to be in there while you're trying to mold into the person that you're meant to be.

Your friends weren't wrong in what they said to you or maybe I read that part wrong? They sounded reassuring.

RatchedAngle · 2025-11-28T13:34:06+00:00

A lot of men who judge women for their body count, in today’s world, are hypocrites. They fail to uphold traditional male roles but expect traditional women. I do believe that radical feminism is the result of breadwinners failing to uphold and honor traditional femininity. If women overwhelmingly felt protected, adored, and safe as SAHMs, they never would’ve chosen to join the workforce. There’s a reason so many grandmothers want their granddaughters to be financially independent.

Keeping your body count low shouldn’t be something you do for men. Your friends are right about that. I’ve kept my body count low to protect my own psyche from the world of casual sex, which is too callous for me (I’m sensitive). I found a man who kept his body count low for the same exact reason. It’s less about the number and more about the reasoning behind it. When you talk about “wracking up a body count,” it does sound a bit harsh and crude. If you said, “Casual sex kinda makes me feel empty inside,” I guarantee you’d get different responses from your friends. They’re reacting to the masculine wording you chose.

I’d try to have sympathy for those women. Happy followers don’t turn against their leaders. Happy women don’t leave the household to join a brutal workforce just because of “women power!!” Modern women sleep around because the reward for staying celibate + waiting for a good man doesn’t seem worth it anymore. And a lot of redpill men make it very clear that they want a housewife but don’t respect and cherish women in that position.

That’s why it’s incredibly important to vet. There are a lot of men who will fetishize you for having a low body count. You’ll fit into their fantasy. That doesn’t mean they will genuinely respect, cherish, or protect you. Your friends are reacting to those types of men. That should be your warning, if nothing else.

Significant_Cut_1092 · 2025-11-28T15:40:48+00:00

I'm also 24 and I'm noticing that a lot of my friends have a vastly different view on relationships and men than I do! Part of it is because I recently moved to the US and met all of them in a very liberal city. However, this also means my friends might have views different than mine on politics, career choices, lifestyle, and many other things! I had a friend laugh at me in a gathering when I said one of my life goals is to be a good mom. Does this make our friends "bad" friends? I don't think so!

Same goes with your friends: maybe to them body count doesn't matter, maybe they see relationships as something intangible. However, a lot of us don't and we should be careful to hold our ground while keeping our friendships alive. It's easy to say "cut them off" but in my experience it's actually better to learn how to navigate differences.

One thing I'll say is to not share information about men and relationships with these friends. And if you do, just share brief updates "I went on a date this weekend, it was fun!" When it comes to making serious decisions in a relationship, do not consult friends. I had a friend who didn't like my ex-boyfriend just because he was conservative. I still remember she texted me asking how I would be able to fit in a white conservative family as a non-white woman, which made me very insecure. Just keep your standards about your relationships, lifestyle, etc and don't feel bad about it at all!

spacemangoes · 2025-11-28T14:30:50+00:00

Man mid 30’s here. You just follow your gut. Regardless of gender, sleeping around might feel good at present but, it will definitely have an impact in pair bonding down the line. But, also, you might not want to be as sexually active as you get older. So, don’t be celibate, thinking for the right man. Truth is, no one is perfect. Put yourself out there. You don’t have to ‘have sec’ after date if you see red flags. But also don’t let the guy wait if he’s someone you like. How can you tell? Trust your gut and sometimes your have to take a leap of faith. Now, coming to your friends, if they are saying ‘men are trash. Who cares’, no need to cut them off from your life, it’s just that they aren’t the friends you want to talk relationships about. Good luck, OP

ArkNemesis00 · 2025-11-28T19:38:54+00:00

I think a lot of it has to do with how you expressed it. It sounded like you were worried about being judged so they gave you some short-term comfort about judgement. I think if you express it as not wanting to have an underwhelming sexual encounter that makes you feel used by men, for example, then your friends will likely validate that.

Ok_Pomegranate7730 · 2025-11-29T11:28:10+00:00

Well if you want long term relationship you need to speak to people who are already married. If all of them are single, how cna they advise u I have both married and single girlfriends in their 30s, their attitude and advice couldn't be more different. People can't advice on staff they're not living daily I still enjoy talking to them even thogih I'm married because I sometimes crave that feeling of being free and I genuily respect them. We just don't question each other life choices But have to say they constantly talk about how bad daring life is, I honestly think its easier for me

Square-Step · 2025-12-01T13:15:36+00:00

So you want your friends to call themselves whores and apoogiez fr ruining the world? Grow up and get new friends

Cute_Tax_393 · 2025-12-02T19:49:39+00:00

There are outliers to everything. But from what I think you’re saying is it’s frustrating that your friend’s ‘advice’ is basically saying right off any guy who does care how many people you’ve slept with. And I think a lot of people are in denial on how our society works.

Again obviously outliers and if having casual sex means a lot to someone they can find someone who doesnt care about their past. But if your priority is to find a partner & you care more about that than casual sex.. you’re right it can feel like a waste of a sexual partner to have casual sex.

Bottom line of what i’m trying to say or just discuss- seeing the world and social rules for what they are isn’t wrong. I think your friend isn’t coming from a bad place as she doesn’t want you to feel shame for what you have done or perhaps feel like you need to put your life on hold waiting for a man. But unfortunately or fortunately most guys do care! And some of us are tired with fighting back with this mold, personally i threw my hands up and said if i can’t beat em join em. My current partner is happy that I haven’t slept with a lot of men, right or wrong that he feels that way? Blame society

JuicyForeskinn · 2025-11-28T16:16:33+00:00

if men are trash why would you want one to commit to you?

AutoModerator · 2025-11-28T13:06:21+00:00

Title: Bad friends or products of liberal dating culture?

Author jchesshi01

Full text: As a woman (24F), I have been casually dating in a new city and recently entered a sexual relationship with a guy. I thought it was a good way to get over my dating anxiety and build confidence in myself, however, the truth always reveals itself…

Decided I need to go celibate for a little bit and figure out what I want in a long term partner if I ever want to get married.

I told this to my friends that I was “worried about racking up a body count for no reason” and their reaction was so disappointing.

“ who cares what a guy thinks?” “ if a guy cares about body count, he’s not the one » « it’s your body“ “Men are trash you don’t need to please a man unless they commit to you”

And honestly, I’m just kind of sick of this narrative, and I have never met female friends who are actually willing to admit the truth and hold each other accountable

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eluusive · 2025-12-03T04:10:41+00:00

Liberal dating culture is a direct result of sex being separated from the consequences of children and STDs in the 1950s. People would not take that worldview seriously if those two things were still very real possible consequences of libertine behavior.

Unfortunately, there's still invisible consequences that have longer term personal impact, and a broader impact on society as a whole. Liberal dating culture has overall been destructive for society.

Sex is wonderful, and good. People should be freaky together. It's one of the funnest things that you can do as a human being; but it is also that way directly so that humans can continue to exist. People wouldn't typically have sex at all if it weren't so awesome, and then we'd all die out.

The instability that playing musical chairs with partners causes makes it really hard to build wealth, and a good life. Divorce is expensive, and so are break ups. The emotional baggage and self esteem issues that build up are not things people should be gaining.

Sex really clouds people's judgement about their partners as well. It causes the release of all kinds of pair bondings hormones meant to try to keep us together despite hardships.

Human culture developed all kinds of complex dating rituals to help handle finding a partner and not having our judgement clouded prior to a real commitment. We've thrown that all out the door because of secularists who had an incomplete picture of reality, and an an arrogance and contempt for tradition.

Women should be very selective with who they sleep with. Make sure the man is an upstanding character, and be someone of character themselves. Date for the long term, and allow sex to wait.

Sadly, I tried dating for marriage in my 20s. But, it didn't go anywhere because women didn't want to be courted. In my 30s, I gave that up and I found that I didn't get a second and third date unless I really tried to get in a woman's pants. It worked, but it didn't end up with me being in good relationships. I had "put the cart before the horse."

Overall, people are looking for the wrong things in partners -- but I frankly believe that women hold more of the power in dating and setting dating norms. I'd really like to see women "wake up" and start shifting dating norms back to be more traditional.

ok-firefighter2266 · 2025-12-03T16:55:36+00:00

“Why are we as women lying to each other?”

This is a cope. When someone tells you something about themselves, deciding you know what’s inside their head better than them is always a cope. It sounds like you are just frustrated you don’t have anyone that relates to you right now. That sucks, but it’s no one’s fault. It is very possible that your friends genuinely believe what they are saying and that’s ok. They don’t need to operate how you do. Someone told you to “grow up” and while it sounds harsh, I agree that you need to. It is a sign of maturity to be able to live life how you want without caring whether everyone around you is moving the same way.

Ok-Journalist7629 · 2025-12-04T08:28:12+00:00

These women are justifying their own choices. It has nothing to do with you.

2025-12-15T23:46:47+00:00

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Medium_Trick_1252 · 2026-04-04T03:03:05+00:00

26M here, I remember growing up, boys after their first breakup, when they complain to their guy friends, they used to say, "dude, it happens to all of us, let's just have fun and move on." That kind of is the ticket to becoming a f*ckboy. Some guys might accept that if they are conventionally attractive and not that smart, they just keep doing that and never achieve much in life other than having many casual sexual partners. Sometimes they might fall in love again, and it may deeply hurt them. They might get depressed or turn to substance abuse to recover from the pain and lose their attractiveness, charm, or motivation for sex and never recover, or they start focusing on their life/career and become a different person entirely over time.

I believe the same goes for girls. Forming a stable relationship with little to no drama and dealing with the pain that comes after a breakup and maturing as a person is hard, and not most of us can do that. There are so many factors, including parenting, support system, healthy friend circle, financial stability, profession, city, etc., but I believe most of the time the individual is responsible for most of their decisions and outcomes.

As of my current social group, almost all of my guy friends are strongly motivated and successful in their lives. We party, but not to have sex, rather to celebrate our achievements. Some of them have girlfriends, and some of them are married to their long-time girlfriends. It's simply because I'm as successful as them, and I chose to be in this circle. I could have chosen a different circle where all of my friends could have been just a bunch of douchebags, but then it would mean I'm either a douchebag too or I'm a black sheep in the group.

2025-11-28T19:56:57+00:00

It’s not even inherently about “what a guy thinks”. How about what you think and feel about your self? I know personally that I have enough respect for myself and my health and that is why I never slept around. I’m 40 years old and have only been with 3 men, including my husband. Sleeping around is how people get STI’s and STD’s, among other issues. It also cheapens the intimacy of sex and makes it into just a pass time activity when it should be something done with a lot of trust between people. Sleeping around is objectifying toward both men and women. You don’t have to sleep with people to look for a good man. There’s also nothing wrong with being celibate if you choose that.

Your friends are toxic, and have no respect for themselves, their bodies or other people. If you want to build confidence in yourself, having sex with total strangers you barely know isn’t the way to go about it. You get your hair and nails done, buy yourself some new makeup, try out a new wardrobe, start learning a new language, find a new hobby or activity you enjoy like hiking or swimming or cooking or something. These are things that build you up as a person and build up confidence and self esteem. It’s not that men judge a woman based on how many men she has slept with before him, it’s that they look at these things and make a judgement of her character and often, men do not want to marry a woman who has a history of making bad choices that are irresponsible. Especially if there is a plan to have children as smart, good men typically are going to look for a woman who can be responsible and trusted with his kids and who will raise them right. There is actually a reason behind the saying “The type of woman you casually date, vs the kind you bring home to meet your mother.” And their mother will also know whether or not you are good candidate for joining the family and they are good at being able to tell these things. Not just with sex, but with your demeanor, education and money management skills too.

Title	Bad friends or products of liberal dating culture?
Author	jchesshi01
Upvotes	82
Comments	56
Date	November 28, 2025 1:06 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1p8udv3/bad_friends_or_products_of_liberal_dating_culture/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/bad-friends-or-products-of-liberal-dating-culture.1567612 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567612

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