Boyfriend won’t cook and there’s no food in his house either

Jenneapolis · 2025-12-12T22:36:29+00:00

You are pushing something on him that he doesn’t want to do after only five months of dating. This almost never works. If he wanted to learn to cook, he would either learn on his own or ask you to teach him. He clearly is not interested in learning so you either accept that and come to a compromise or move on to another man.

I love cooking and my husband doesn’t cook. He orders these premade factor meals that he eats even sometimes when I cook something and things he likes. It is what it is. I can’t force him to eat what I make, or eat at the times I do, or cook. I accept this is his decision and eat how I want.

I like the idea someone else had to bring cereal or something easy for your mornings. Then you either need to either cook other meals or be willing to go out to eat. That is if you want to keep seeing him, but you can’t change him.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-12-12T20:00:51+00:00

You're not being unreasonable. Grownups know how to care for themselves. You're also not his mother and it sounds like neither of you enjoys you taking on that role. He seems to feel infantilized and you seem to feel like you're having to raise a grown man. At this point, I'd suggest you take a step back. If he has no food in his house, refuse to spend time there during meals. If he won't even buy cereal, don't sleep over. If he asks about it, I'd just tell him bluntly "I don't like waking up and not having any breakfast options." "I'm not interested in getting takeout."

Stop trying to teach him skills he clearly doesn't care to learn. If that bothers you on a fundamental level, (it would me, so no judgement) consider what that means.

ArkNemesis00 · 2025-12-12T22:53:57+00:00

Stop trying to lead the horse to water and make it drink. No one learns unless they want to.

Maybe switch to picking up stuff at the grocery store that requires no work - bread, sandwich meat, baby carrots, premade wraps, healthy cereal, milk, bananas, and calling it a day.

Knowledge gaps like this are only able to be properly utilized for your benefit if the one lacking knowledge appreciates the skill the knowledgeable one brings to the table. In other words, it's a bad sign he views it as women's work. My husband has a knowledge gap for cooking but really appreciates that I know how and bring that to the table.

Ok_Outside149 · 2025-12-12T19:57:34+00:00

OMFG are we dating the same guy??? I have the same problem and it’s really, really bothering me!

My guy can kind of cook but there are just never any ingredients at his house. The same thing happens to me - I go over to his house, and unless I sort out dinner I won’t eat from evening till the next morning.

He’ll order something if I prompt him, or make noodles, and I don’t even mind the fact he’s not a great cook, but the lack of thoughtfulness that I might want to eat (you know, like most humans) is really bothering me.

We’ve talked about it. He thinks food is the woman’s domain, which, okay, sure! But does a woman not need ingredients to make a meal?? I can’t be expected to do the food shopping for my own house, and the food shopping for his house too.

What are we going to do girl? I can’t believe you’ve posted this, I’ve been ruminating on this for the past month and thinking it’s so weird and unique. I’ve never experienced it before.

TheFeminineFrame · 2025-12-12T20:10:43+00:00

He has survived 27 years without knowing how to cook. While his meals might not promote optimal health, they have worked well enough for him so far that he has no reason to learn. He might even have other things occupying his mind and time that he prioritizes.

Would you be happy to cook for your boyfriend everyday were you to get married? Does he have the expectation that you are going to cook for him? Because it doesn’t appear that he has any desire to learn.

If the thought of being the only chef in your home doesn’t work for you then consider this a deal breaker. If cooking for him everyday wouldn’t be the end of the world then consider it a quirk of his and find another hill to die on.

Editing to add: cooking daily for him, doing his grocery shopping,etc are wife duties and you shouldn’t be doing that for him now. Not that you are right now, but don’t let your dissatisfaction with his cooking turn you into mom.

RatchedAngle · 2025-12-12T20:06:00+00:00

You want a man who is self-sufficient.

Your boyfriend has shown you that he is not self-sufficient.

You can’t force him to be the man that you want. You can’t pull and twist and shove him into a box. The more you try to change him, the more inadequate he’ll feel. Men who feel inadequate fall apart quickly. Contrary to popular belief, men are extremely fragile.

You can’t try to change him. Even if he’s perfect besides that one thing, it won’t work.

My best advice would be to break it off and keep looking for the right man.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2025-12-12T20:47:46+00:00

My technique so far has been to go grocery shopping together, buy food, and cook it together so I can teach him.

This is your goal but is it his goal?

You can't decide for him that he's going to learn how to cook.

Not knowing how to cook is not a fault per se, it's just lacking a skill. His complete disinterest in learning to feed himself or even having food available for you... well. That's lack of will.

You are not being unreasonable. You are simply expecting to date an adult. So... now what?

eluusive · 2025-12-13T06:20:54+00:00

I wish I could find a woman like you. I've had the reverse experience. I don't think you're being unreasonable. However, don't try too hard to fix people who don't want to be fixed.

I wouldn't give him an ultimatum, but I may communicate in written form something like:

Dear Handsome Devil,

I really like/love you. I think you're really really swell. There's something I want to draw your attention to.

In the future, I want to build a life with a reliable teammate who I can count on. As such, I want to know he takes care of himself well. That way, I can trust that he him to take care of me also should I become pregnant or get sick.

If you're serious about a future with me, I'd like to see you improve in these areas:
1. Having food for me when I'm over.
2. A clean toilet and toilet paper.
3. ....

You may not understand, because you can't necessarily tell when I'm hungry, but when I'm over you regularly don't have food, so I often go hungry. I believe that if you knew how important this is to me, that you would address this problem.

xoxo

Don't copypaste that, but I hope you get the idea. Don't complain, just be clear about what you want to see from him and why.

AutoModerator · 2025-12-12T19:46:07+00:00

Title: Boyfriend won’t cook and there’s no food in his house either

Author downtownbabydolll

Full text: I (25F) have been seeing my boyfriend (27M) for five months. He’s been living on his own since August and doesn’t know how to cook. He mostly eats processed food and drinks a lot of soda, which I find kinda gross since I like cooking and eating home-made food. I spend a lot of time at his place, and when I wake up there’s never anything to eat. He doesn’t eat breakfast, but I do, and I often have to go hungry because there’s literally nothing in his house. I don’t mind cooking, but I feel like he doesn’t even care to learn the basics. The only time he eats real food is when I cook for him or when his mom brings him food. He also doesn’t have much money to spend on eating out.

My technique so far has been to go grocery shopping together, buy food, and cook it together so I can teach him. Yesterday we tried to make shrimp fettuccini (3 ingredients, super easy), and even though we cooked together and I was able to teach him, I still feel like it bothered him that I did it. When I told him he was going to cook so he could learn, he gave me a weird look and complained a little. I was only trying to teach him so he could feed himself properly. I just feel like he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his own meals, and I don’t want to end up being his mom.

Am I being unreasonable for expecting him to at least learn to feed himself?

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GraceOfTheNorth · 2025-12-14T01:52:33+00:00

Who pays for the food when you go shopping? You or him? If you pay do you take the food with you or eat it while at his place or does he eat the food?

It sounds like you are dating a loser, sorry for speaking so bluntly.

ofmale1 · 2025-12-13T06:57:26+00:00

Most moms and dads raises there son's to do work and not how to cook. I know after the 8 head injury i got I always have a strong soda craving. He may have never been tough...may also be too tired form work and hostel scanning on outing and just is to be maternally drained. Best thing to do is ask him what food type he likes and on your day off show him how or look up videos on how to do cook it and make it romantic. Just ask relay sweet like and he should melt and be happy to learn.

Title	Boyfriend won’t cook and there’s no food in his house either
Author	downtownbabydolll
Upvotes	17
Comments	39
Date	December 12, 2025 7:46 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1pl18l7/boyfriend_wont_cook_and_theres_no_food_in_his/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/boyfriend-wont-cook-and-theres-no-food-in-his.1568702 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568702

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