Question for all the good, present fathers out there… how did you manage the time between declaration of divorce and the actual start of the process?

We intend to go the mediation route. Both have lawyers on standby for planning and agreement review. She’s been stalling on mediation though, gets irritated when I bring it up and discontinued the decoupling therapy where talking about these things was safe and structured.

I’m partially agreeable to the parenting plan she’s suggested (there’s a midweek day that I’ll be pushing for as well). Over the past two weeks I’ve been regarding the days she wants as “her days” and have been hesitantly going to the gym. Other than that I’m in the house 95% of the time our child is there. This is a big change because beforehand I almost never left the house, whether she was working or not. Our child and I have an identical schedule. Even when she’s not working I stay home so that she can manage her business as she chooses, or do whatever else she wants/needs to do while I do things with our kid.

The thing is, every time I put myself last I spiral into ambivalence. I still love my wife, and I’m insanely attracted to her, but she’s avoidant as fuck and the love/attraction lead to self erasure. I’ll spend days fawning, over-functioning, and making myself available to her with zero reciprocation…affection, intimacy, appreciation, acknowledgement…they’ve all been absent for a decade. I’ve been living the simp life and I’m not willing to keep doing so.

How did you manage to start breaking away from the marriage without moving out, while not fucking yourself in regards to the divorce outcome?

I was told it’s absolutely not a good idea to relocate before divorce is complete or a formal separation doc is signed…both options depend on the mediation she’s not willing to talk about.