Feminists say to just treat women the same as you would men, and I've done that my whole 30 years of life and never been seen as even a potential partner. But it seems like men that are just nakedly exploitative and abusive can cycle through women on a weekly basis if they want to. So what is my actual, material, non-moralistic incentive to treat women as equal?

Gender is obviously a caste system that places women in a submissive role towards men. But the overwhelming majority of women seem to actually want these gender dynamics in their personal dating and relationships. They don't want it acknowledged, they want it hidden behind layers of obfuscation, but it's still how they want the actual dynamic to function. Treating women as actually equal seems to be totally at odds with my own self-interest. Most men seem to be actively rewarded for being a little misogynistic. Rejecting gender roles seems to lead absolutely nowhere but a life of loneliness.