Wife file for separation. I’m counter filing divorce.

bk2747 · 2026-04-03T14:26:53+00:00

ATTA BOY!

Exactly what I did, and I was ruthless.

Regular-Bat-4449 · 2026-04-02T21:31:46+00:00

Once you've made that decision and set your goals, your STBXW is now an adversary and needs to be treated as such. Get a good attorney, explain your goals and do exactly as they say.

NilesGuy · 2026-04-02T19:14:03+00:00

OP you have to be strategic and cut your emotions off. You are in survival mode . I’d reach out to your soon to be ex and discuss the consequences of not reaching an agreement. Meaning two lawyers will bankrupt the both of you . In addition if she refuses joint shared custody , the courts will approve a GAL attorney to represent your kids interest which both of you will split the costs. Now there are 3 lawyers involved probably charging around $3-400 an hour . The only winners are the lawyers. Agree to divide up assets and debts equally . Agree to shared 50/50 custody. Wave alimony and each party be responsible for own attorney fees. Use ChatGPT and AI to atleast give you an idea of the divorce process in your state . Also if mediation is suggested , forgo it because most of the time it fails and your stuck with another attorney fees which make 4 attorneys involved . Document everything and DO NOT move out of the house. A judge will look at that as if you’re abandoning your family . Get the big picture . In the meantime, focus on being the best dad you can be and work on improving and healing yourself . Hit the gym, spend time with family and friends , go outdoors in nature . Enjoy the gift of life because in the next 12 months it might get brutal, especially if she plays hardball and start making accusations. FYI, if she makes threats or gets violent , do not hesitate to file a restraining order which will give you full temporary custody of your kids and possession of the house. Technically you’ll be in a stronger position in the eyes of court.

Tvelt17 · 2026-04-02T13:28:13+00:00

You're going to want to work with your lawyer and come up with an even 50/50 split and fight for that.

Most courts are looking to give everyone 50/50. If you come in with a fair offer and her offer is off the wall, the court will likely side with you.

Conflict is expensive, though.

MaineMan1234 · 2026-04-02T11:30:08+00:00

Don't go into a contentious divorce with the mindset that you don't want to drag it on too long. Then you have already lost. Your desire for peace will be used against you. You will end up compromising away your rights just to get it over with.

Instead, be ready to do whatever it takes to get your desired custody and any other favorable conditions. You need to fight for your rights.

But as others have said, you need to pull your emotions back in, keep your mouth shut and work with your lawyer. Don't get nasty, don't act crazy, don't do anything that can be used against you.

Visualize what you want out of the divorce and then strategize on how to get there bouncing ideas off people you trust. Create a plan. Use your lawyer to put that plan in motion.

The power of being a man is that the average man has a better ability to control his emotions than the average woman and evaluate situations rationally. Use that power to get what you want.

Spend time researching the divorce laws in your state. Don't rely solely on your lawyer, since (1) that gets expensive and (2) I have found that lawyers give basic advice and not fully tailored to one's specific situation. I wrote much of our mediated agreement myself, and even the lawyers learned something in the process.

My ex tried to turn our kids against me and my new partner. She failed because mine were old enough to have a clear view on what she was actually like. Plus we had always had a close relationship. I was open with them about the situation. I explained my feelings. I never said anything negative about their mother, other than reminders of her behaviors that they were well aware of themselves. I told them that I cared about her, but no longer wanted to be married to her, we weren't compatible.

I reminded them of her birthday, mother's day. Offered money to them to buy her Christmas presents, I would give them ideas or tell them who to ask for ideas. I would praise them when I heard that they did nice things for her. This might sound like I was being a simp, but this was strategic. On one hand they have Dad supporting their relationship with their mother, showing kindness, and on the other hand, they had her trying to go scorched earth. Guess who they had more sympathy and empathy for.

DistrictDivorceCoach · 2026-04-02T11:12:26+00:00

First, deep breath, you are going to be ok. I promise. She can say or do whatever she wants, there are rules and laws in place. They are very different depending on location, but a lot of places defer to 50/50 custody with the kids and unless there is a compelling reason argued in court or the two parties decide something privately, that is usually what the court pushes for. There are formulas for the money parts also. It isnt who files first gets to ask for whatever they want.

Next - KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT - do not say lousy things to her, do not make threats. Do not get in fights or put anything, and I MEAN ANYTHING in an angry email explaining whats what. Dont make financial threats, physical threats, professional threats, or social threats at all. Do no complain to your kids. Do not do anything that will make you look like an unhinged lunatic. The new game with her is first one to get unfriendly loses. The game is playing for custody.

Third - talk to a few people who have been through it and find a lawyer. There is a lot of variations in personality and style, take a few hours and research who you want and start there. You already need one, but dont panic hire, you have enough time to shop around, just get it done.

You are going to be upset and emotional, and that is understandable, always keep in mind that you are talking about your kid's mom. Nobody likes to hear trash talk about their mom, even if it is true. I would strongly suggest starting to look for some divorced kids support, their school might have a group.

you got this

DragonsBaine4610 · 2026-04-02T09:38:40+00:00

If you can consult with every top divorce lawyer in your area that way she can not hire them because it would be considered a conflict of interest.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-04-02T07:54:12+00:00

good move

Ok-Wolverine-4586 · 2026-04-02T07:43:25+00:00

Very simple show proof of her being I was late with no consideration for the children and their Safety and Security. I would hire a pi to document. Then ask for alimony if she makes more hit it where it hurts in the pocketbook

Reflog1791 · 2026-04-02T07:28:45+00:00

Keep your cool at all times is rule number one. Hitting the gym, getting a haircut, doing some self care helps.

Her opening salvo of crazy CS number is meaningless, don’t worry about.

Talk to as many lawyers as you can so you have the lay of the land. Some free some $400. Gather more info about your case.

My experience was I spent 18 months in fear of shit that did not happen. When I got her lawyers demand letter I ignored it. I had enough info from my consults to know it was bluster.

I used game theory, misdirection, reverse psychology, gray rock method, and a resilient attitude of “I will be fine no matter what these hoes and courts want to pull on me”.

Got an acceptable deal in mediation a week before some stupid trial that was gonna be postponed.

Title	Wife file for separation. I’m counter filing divorce.
Author	ruudyx
Upvotes	10
Comments	22
Date	April 2, 2026 7:17 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1saahyk/wife_file_for_separation_im_counter_filing_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-file-for-separation-im-counter-filing-divorce.1576959 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576959

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