Should I talk to my wife about amicable separation, or should I serve her with divorce papers?

gaelorian · 2026-04-13T19:59:25+00:00

Filing as a surprise is a battlefield tactic. If you’re hoping for amicable it’s a bad idea. Your lawyer should have mentioned this, tho. No harm in filing first but doing it by surprise isn’t good for diplomacy.

UrAristotle · 2026-04-13T19:29:04+00:00

You can try the amicable separation

Things most likely will cease to be amicable when she realizes she’s losing benefits no matter how hard you try to keep it that way

Boomhower113 · 2026-04-13T19:27:59+00:00

If she’s in it for the military benefits, she’ll drag it on as long as possible. And when you are deployed, you’ll be required to send her 1/3rd (IIRC) of your pay every month even if she shacks up with someone else. I saw it happen back in my day.

Make an appointment with the JAG’s office to see if they can even get you started. They may not deal in civil matters, but he might be able to give a bit of advice or tell you about a good lawyer out in town, if nothing else.

Either way, I’d consult a lawyer before you either file or go direct to her about it.

Terrible_Lift · 2026-04-13T16:52:37+00:00

I waited in hopes she would come around to amicable resolution after I told her there wasn’t really any way around this given our history.

A few months later I was blindsided with papers and false allegations. My life hadn’t been right since. That was like 20 months or so ago

Salty-Amoeba-3139 · 2026-04-13T11:45:03+00:00

If you do it amicably, you and your wife can make choices for yourself and keep your money. If you go straight to court, your money is transferred to lawyers and you give a judge who doesn’t give a shit permission to make decisions for you

CowBoyDanIndie · 2026-04-13T11:13:40+00:00

If shes staying with you just for the benefits she will fight tooth and nail to extract as much from her human atm (you) as possible. Women open to amicable divorce usually initiate the divorce conversation before we men even know whats going on.

Chance-Aspect8009 · 2026-04-13T09:19:50+00:00

Try amicable first and see how it goes

LaCathedrale · 2026-04-13T07:45:53+00:00

Amicable separation with lawyers to ensure everything is upfront. That's what I did - I wasn't trying to get more than my fair share, but I wanted to make sure neither of us were getting screwed. We navigated that successfully. I don't know that i would have done it in a high-conflict separation, though...

interspeciesMama · 2026-04-13T07:23:16+00:00

I've seen this backfire so many times is it not just better to have a lawyer to guide you through this. I've seen it turn on people so many times.

Title	Should I talk to my wife about amicable separation, or should I serve her with divorce papers?
Author	Offroad_Ural
Upvotes	4
Comments	15
Date	April 13, 2026 7:10 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sk3h42/should_i_talk_to_my_wife_about_amicable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/should-i-talk-to-my-wife-about-amicable-separation.1577821 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577821

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