How to deal with the tension and anxiety of an upcoming divorce?

a_day_at_a_timee · 2026-04-25T14:24:31+00:00

Divorce is one of the most stressful events that will happen to you in your life so the anxiety and depression are to be expected. You need to take your physical and mental health as seriously as you would a heart attack.

You will be surprised that she’s not showing the same feelings but you just realize that she’s already processed this decision for months if not years and most likely has another side guy to comfort her too (monkey branching is real).

In my experience the anxiety mostly comes from the ego death. Who am I if I’m not a dad/husband/home owner/businessman? She will have a similar response to you when you ask for 50/50 custody. Who is she when she doesn’t have the kids? My wife flipped out and made up false accusations about me. Restraining orders and court orders galore. Fought tooth and nail for years and we still ended up with 50/50 plus $150k in attorney fees.

Don’t worry too much about the money. You will earn it back later. Concentrate on your health. No drinking or smoking. Eat lots of vegetables. Lift weights. Start running. Get some new clothes and a hair cut. Lose weight and get your self esteem back.

Remember who you used to be before you were married. Think about who you want to be in your next chapter. Start some new hobbies. Get a support group of male friends. Go back to school or start a side business to keep you busy when your kids are gone.

Get help from family and friends to get your kids to school and back on days you have them. Make friends with the kids friends parents.

ObjectiveSalt1635 · 2026-04-25T13:30:06+00:00

One thing that really eased my anxiety was I read somewhere that these things take ages to play out. Divorces can take a long time to finalize. So the overwhelming amount of decisions I felt I had to make actually were not all urgent. There’s tons of time to figure things out usually

goatforit · 2026-04-24T22:08:58+00:00

Alright this might not be the most popular advice but it worked for me. Whiskey and ChatGPT. Assuming you dont have an alcohol problem, its the only thing that numbs the emotions enough to just move forward and process everything. I really don't drink so it took me a while to legitimize it as nearly medicinal but it helps keep my blood pressure from spiking while doing all the paperwork. Getting all the information into the form that courts use can be really emotional. Turning years of your life into a lifeless court document... Thats why people shell out thousands for lawyers. Because you need to distance yourself emotionally. Lawyers don't do much tho, and they definitely dont want to be your therapist. You're going to have to bite the bullet and do the paperwork. So get good at it with ChatGPT. It will help you at your level. Tell it everything and it will give you a play by play. Please question everything it says though and make sure you ask it to be as real with you as possible. Sometimes asking questions from 3rd person perspective.

painfulletdown · 2026-04-24T20:23:38+00:00

Nah bud, you'll get 50/50 unless they can prove that you are a danger to to the kids, and that is pretty tough to do. Yeah, you'll pay some alimony and child support, but you won't have to live with her, get half the week freedom for yourself, and get to hang out with your kids without her.

No, you remember wrong or misspoke and your wife needs to get a job or be imputed income as though she has a job, as she is fully capable to work and doesn't get to be lazy.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-04-24T17:13:38+00:00

If you are in the USA you'll get 50/50 custody UNLESS you sign your rights away. Don't sign your rights away.

As for the anxiety sign up to your local gym today. If you've never trained before get yourself a trainer/nutritionist for 2 months to learn the ropes. When you move into your new space get yourself a cute dog.

That's all you need to do and you are golden man.

Reflog1791 · 2026-04-24T15:39:28+00:00

Look forward and dream about a better life for you and your kids.

For you: finally time to chase your own dreams, goals, passions, and hobbies. I picked up golf during divorce and it’s the best thing ever. Just won a 50 man tournament! Would never have happened with the old ball and chain.

For your kids: be father of the year when you have them. You’ll treasure your time with them and it will be very happy and enriching. Much better than with killbuzz calling all the shots.

Look to new opportunities and what can be gained instead of what you might lose. Good luck.

Ok_Industry3016 · 2026-04-24T13:26:25+00:00

Cheap answer but time, hated the build up.

TopInevitable1905 · 2026-04-24T13:24:42+00:00

I would say first don’t go straight negative because that’s going to put you in the wrong headspace. Figure out your support network and know what you realistically can do with the kids as far as custody. Most states Lena heavy towards 50/50 especially after a divorce. Protect yourself don’t yell or raise your vice at her just to avoid the protective or restraining order tactic. You will have to be strong for the kids, maybe therapy and I would recommend taking a coparenting course to get that out the way. Do not give up without trying. You kids will need you and don’t let yourself get pushed out. If you are planning to move out, look to stay as close as possible so you can do things like school drop offs and pick ups.

I don’t know how long you were married but alimony/spousal support is will not be a long term thing if under a certain amount of years. Child support you can look up the calculator for your state and put in your salary, health insurance cost for the kids, daycare cost, and play with the different possible time shares to get a rough idea of what it could be. Now is the time to be proactive not reactive. I know it hurts but protect yourself and the best interests of your children having a father in their lives. Don’t trust her and start figuring out things like which hills you are willing to die on and which you can let her think she won. On paper I have 50/50 but that’s just overnight, I go only about 4 days a month without seeing my kids.

Title	How to deal with the tension and anxiety of an upcoming divorce?
Author	Appropriate_Shoe1
Upvotes	5
Comments	11
Date	April 24, 2026 12:20 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sue4sa/how_to_deal_with_the_tension_and_anxiety_of_an/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-deal-with-the-tension-and-anxiety-of-an.1578780 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578780

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