Have "Christian" influencers like Lysa TerKeurst, Leslie Vernick, and Henry Cloud contributed to marriages falling apart?

ConversationSilly951 · 2026-05-20T14:22:31+00:00

I think what's wrong with Christian marriages is the mindset that marriage is forever regardless of how spouses treat eachother. We expect emotionally abused spouses to pray harder and basically martyr themselves. We tell spouses of chronic porn users to come alongside their spouse to help them heal. It rarely works. A marriage where one person gets away with mistreating their spouse is NOT an example of godliness to show unbelievers.

A spouse who habitually mistreats their partner has already divorced themselves from the marriage, there just isn't a certificate of divorce. Yet we expect the injured spouse to stay and keep trying. We don't expect this out of any other relationships.

What if we made it clear that, while God intended marriage to be for life, spouses will be supported if the choose to seek a certificate of divorce from someone who has repeatedly violated their vows? What if we made it clear marriage is to be tended, not taken for granted.

And before you throw Malachi 2 at me, the original language did not say "God hates divorce." The passage is about treachery.

LearnGrowExist · 2026-05-12T22:51:23+00:00

I chalk it up to “influencers” in general because most of them are just following the same cult-like / religious structure built to get people believing whatever it is they are selling/promoting/discussing/preaching/proselytizing.

“Jimmy on Relationships” is a great example, even though he too is a Christian bigot (and cheater) who panders to his largely female following with his frankly obnoxious content. It is a basically a bunch of therapy speak from people either un- or under- qualified to address the actual issues they think they know, or can teach, anything about.

SparkedIntoLife · 2026-05-12T06:49:41+00:00

Last year I went on a dating rampage post divorce (60 dates in 10 months basically). I screened quite heavily for spiritual women. As a result, I met so many women who were into a lot of the modern relationship gurus. Honestly, these women were often the worst.

If you teach someone with main character energy about attachment styles, love languages and so on, they filter everything through the lens that makes them the angel and the men as the devils.

Real spiritual work is much more about looking inwards and taking ownership (and forgiving those who have caused you pain). Sadly a lot of women who seek this stuff out tend to use it to blame others and paint themselves as a special snowflake. As a Christian, too, I very much see this behaviour in the Church. I think, with material aimed at women, the tone is a lot more nice to the reader. I’ve noticed that men’s content tends to be more confrontational.

Like 2 Timothy 4:3 says ‘For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.’

Shai_Hulu_Hoop · 2026-05-11T20:51:46+00:00

I think what you are seeing is major areas requiring growth, and then the woman realizes she already has so much resentment she doesn’t WANT to heal.

Upstairs-Studio8509 · 2026-05-11T20:18:54+00:00

For sure. I don't think "narcissist" was in my wife's vocabulary until she read Lisa Turkheurst. I think the intent is good, but they are selling books, not actually in the business of strengthening marriages. Some of the female authors are "godly feminists" which still puts the woman at odds with the man. Women want to be led but not submit. They want a strong man that can be controlled. They want to follow as long as it suits them. Marriages become a power struggle, with neither partner getting what they need from the other.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-05-11T17:25:46+00:00

Dr Cloud’s “Boundaries” is a must read.

Here’s how it’s done. You set a boundary with your exwife an inform her that anytime she communicates with you about another than the child, you will walk away, hang up, or not respond. Ending the communication.

Another boundary is, when you get intoxicated at a party I will leave. You will be rest for yourself the rest of the evening.

This is boundary setting. Not sure how this ends a marriage.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2026-05-11T16:33:17+00:00

Without speaking to specific influencers, I can wholeheartedly agree that social media has had a huge negative influence on marriage and relationship. From the cheating caused by reconnecting with old flames on Facebook (if you're old enough, you'll remember this from a decade ago), to TikTok and its toxic algorithm......it has all contributed to certain people putting more effort into seeking affirmation for their own beliefs rather than spending any time working on their marital issues.

Title	Have "Christian" influencers like Lysa TerKeurst, Leslie Vernick, and Henry Cloud contributed to marriages falling apart?
Author	HelpfulInterview1022
Upvotes	5
Comments	19
Date	May 11, 2026 2:55 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ta5qhn/have_christian_influencers_like_lysa_terkeurst/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/have-christian-influencers-like-lysa-terkeurst.1580170 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580170

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