Tldr: Convo with stbx went bad. I didn't go to work and watched tv / napped all day. I feels like a piece of crap for missing work and using the tiny bit of PTO I have.

Yesterday my stbx blew up at me during a conversation. It was about time with it kids. I was being firm that I wanted 50% overnights. She said I was being being aggressive, I said she was being aggressive back, and she blew up like a volcano.

Before I brought up overnights we had been discussing a furniture split. I pretty much agreed to everything she wanted.

When her eruption happened she threw the furniture agreement it the window. Saying "you know what, just keep everything!" Then she started mind reading, and telling me the hidden meaning of my words. She thinks I'm out to get her, or that my opinion of her is that's she's a piece of crap. The looks she gave me when she blew up were pure disgust. This from someone to months ago still looked at me with some love.

Fast forward to today and I feel destroyed. I was supposed to go to work but I used my dwindling supply of PTO to take today off. I still love this woman and want to work things out. I almost asked (for the 7th time) if she would reconsider. I found enough self respect to not beg for her back.

I was feeling low boys. Like I'm glad I don't own any firearms low. Those feelings are gone now but I'm beating myself up for missing work and using PTO. Just feeling like I'll never feel happiness again.