All I see for the future is darkness.

darmitage55 · 2026-05-15T00:11:26+00:00

Hey, I need to stop at one thing you said, that your kids would be better off without you. That's the pain talking, but please reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) right now. You matter. The paperwork, the house, all of it, it can wait. You can't. Please check in.

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2026-05-13T23:59:53+00:00

If your dead she wins. Do you really want that?

Your kids would be crushed. They are more likely to commit suicide if you do. Suicide doesn’t end the pain, it just passes it to them. Do you really want that? You don’t want a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I was suicidal as well. Didn’t tell anyone. Had it planned out but had to wait for my suicide clause expired on my term policy. What changed my mind was my kids. They would have been crushed. I also found evidence my ex was trying to manipulate me into committing suicide so she could get my life insurance money. I confronted her recently and she she didn’t deny it.

My house was premarital. I had designed and built it myself. I was the general contractor and I did all the general labor. I literally had blood, sweat and tears in that place. I sold it and moved on. I wanted to keep it but in the end I am glad I sold it.

My divorce is almost done, just waiting for the judge to sign. It took three years and 75k. It was a nightmare.

My life is fantastic now. My relationship with my kids is amazing. Been working out a lot and taking KravMaga. Going to concerts, etc etc.

I have been thru hell and came out fireproof.

If I can do it so can you. You got this bro.

HorrorWorldly3749 · 2026-05-13T20:08:40+00:00

Yes it will get better and don't let her get in your head man. She is trying to manipulate you to feel terrible. Rise above it and give it right back to her.

There is a big gender war going on now and women think they deserve it all at men's expense. So if they don't get it, a lot of them lash out and become terrible people, with nonstop lies, false abuse allegations, parental alienation,et etc.

It's a sad state of affairs and ,evolutionary psychology dictates that, it's in men's best interest to keep their word, while in many cases , it's the opposite for women.

One_Mathematician864 · 2026-05-13T16:02:09+00:00

Do not despair. It's a hard road ahead but your kids need you to stay strong and be there for them.

From my experience and what I've seen of divorces, the woman is generally excited to be free and live her life. She's most likely like this because she's been thinking about it and planning for a while, emotionally disconnecting and probably lining up a few candidates to monkey branch to.

So right now she's excited for the future and already discarded you because she has options lined up. However what most women don't realize is a man showing interest in her doesn't mean he actually wants her long term. The majority are looking to smash and move on to their next target. After she goes through that dick carousel, her mindset will quickly change.

Meanwhile you would've dealt with the fallout from the divorce and actively recovering and rebuilding yourself and your outlook will be much more positive.

Remember women are the gatekeepers to sex. She doesn't pick who commits to her or married her long term. She only picks who she sleeps with. You will always have that advantage and as long as you are able to rebuild yourself, you will have several options.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-05-13T15:21:49+00:00

We all feel that way in the beginning mate. Every single one of us. You are not alone. And every single one of us thanks our ex for divorcing us 3 years down the track. It will not only get better, it will be way better than when you were married to your ex.

Do sell the house and create a new space for yourself. A small apartment is all you need in the beginning. Staying in the marital home will slow your healing by years - not worth it.

Being alone may feel scary but once you figure out who you are as a man you will come to enjoy it. 75% of us will be remarried within 5 years so enjoy that season of singleness, it never lasts long enough.

No woman is worth ending your life over. Alot of us do feel that way in the beginning and it highlights how unhealthy our attachment to our partner was. Learn from this so you don't make the same mistakes in future romantic relationships.

Legitimate-Corgi · 2026-05-13T13:55:11+00:00

Your kids need their dad. You can always figure out the finances. If you haven’t even done your disclosure stuff yet it may not even be as bad as you’re picturing. I know I was picturing much worse than what it ended up being for buying her out cuz she had been stacking away money for awhile which is all still community property so she really offset a lot of her equity in the house by having bigger retirement and savings than I did

CryMeaRiver2Crawl · 2026-05-13T11:47:12+00:00

I was broken after my wife and only love, 32 years together, said she wanted a divorce. I felt anxious and couldn’t see a life without her, the house, our kids…

Fast forward 2.5 years. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Worked on myself a lot, both mind and body. Got a new, smaller but still, house. Focusing on my kids and working to have sound finances.

It will be okay. Just accept that now you feel completely f’d by life. You’ll find strength to do this.

Queasy-Eggplant-3580 · 2026-05-13T11:13:10+00:00

All of us get lost in the darkness. Dreamers learn to steer by the stars.

TheDavenessPhD · 2026-05-13T09:53:12+00:00

Your children need their dad, and you just need some help. You don't have to do this alone. We are all here for you.

988 - Crisis Lifeline. Call or text. They are professionals.

Altruistic-Whole-905 · 2026-05-13T05:49:12+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, what was the reason for the divorce

Old-Web-8784 · 2026-05-13T05:25:01+00:00

I hope u will feel better. I always wonder why people get divorce. It must feel hurt to have heard having u here or not feels the same

thraxx171 · 2026-05-13T04:37:19+00:00

You’re going through the stages of grief. I went through something similar myself, I thought I was broken too, newsflash, we're not. Therapy, meditation, long walks, exercise, all of it helped. But ultimately, you do have to sit with the pain, learn to recognise it, and work through it rather than run from it or fight it.

Learn about the anxiety curve, read about CBT. Journal, write down your feelings, how it makes you feel, your small wins, what you did. The one thing CBT taught me is that your thoughts don’t define you. The 3 Cs helped a lot: Catching, Checking, and Changing the thought patterns. Before all this, I barely ate, so even simple things matter, get some protein shakes or easy meals in you and keep yourself nourished.

The disclosures and paperwork are brutal because they bring back memories and emotions constantly. Don’t try to conquer everything at once. One step at a time. I get it's so hard right now, you don't deserve this, please ask for help if you need it, or even pay someone to help organise things so it feels less overwhelming.

Also remember, she’s likely been emotionally preparing for this for months already, so you’re both at very different stages mentally right now. Rachel Sloan on YouTube explained that dynamic quite well.

Right now, your job is to show up for yourself and your kids. Try to sleep where you can. I know that part is hard. Body scan meditations, Leaves on a Stream, and listening to Joe Hudson /Therapyinanutshell /DrMaikaSteinborn helped calm my mind when things were spiralling, and also understanding my emotions and grief. I can't believe I was so out of touch with my emotions. I hope something resoonates with you

Give yourself time, slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. Time heals ultimately. Keep working. Be kind to yourself. I tried to rush the process and it doesn’t work that way. You’ll stumble at times, but you will rise. I promise you it will get so much better if you do the work. And importantly, you’re not alone in this.

RomRomTom · 2026-05-13T03:50:10+00:00

I had the same feelings, the feeling of being alone is scary.

My stbxw moved on quickly, she even took the kids to stay over at the new bf house. It hurts when I found out from the kids.

I keep myself busy, going to the gym, fishing, keeping the house clean for when the kids are over.

Being alone does not mean you live a sad life. Go out, hiking, fishing, go the park, borrow books from the library, etc. There are things you can do that doesn’t cost money. Love yourself!

federally · 2026-05-13T03:08:37+00:00

Maybe this will be encouraging?

I had panic attacks, break downs, you name it! I felt like I had wasted my entire life and that there just wasn't anything worth continuing on for.

Now 9 months later, I'm the happiest I've been in over a decade.

shroom_dot · 2026-05-13T02:38:03+00:00

Maybe if you get into a different mindset it might help. Think of it like this - you’re a widower. The person you married is now “dead” - the person that is divorcing you is a completely different entity. Like a business. And you have to deal with her like a business - That’s the best advice my lawyer gave me. It was a contract that failed and now you have to deal with her like you would a business relationship. Grey rock. It’s a business transaction from here on in - the person you married doesn’t exist anymore.

takingvioletpills · 2026-05-13T02:09:51+00:00

I don’t have kids but feel the same way— that there is no future for me, and I’m also terrified of dying alone and in poverty. So sorry you’re feeling like this. I know it’s like being in the depths of hell.

I grew up without a dad. And I bet your kids need you. And they’ll need you even more when they get older.

Rare_Psychology_8853 · 2026-05-13T01:52:24+00:00

Your kids need you. There is absolutely no evidence to support that children are better off in a single parent household without an involved father. And there is definitely no evidence that children whose fathers die, either of natural causes or suicide, are better off. That is traumatic.

You still have a purpose and value. The identity that you used to have has changed and that is destabilizing. But you are capable of rebuilding a new identity. One that isn’t about being a married men but about being a strong divorced dad who led his children through a tough time and showed them how a man can hurt and heal and overcome.

You matter. Your purpose as a father is quite literally the most impactful thing you can do. Your children love you. They will eventually understand you. Whatever mistakes you’re making now, whatever challenges are on your back right now, they do not make a dent in your infinite value as their father.

You’re needed. You feel like shit right now. You will probably feel like shit for a while. But not forever. Don’t quit.

Rolling-outdoors · 2026-05-13T01:35:52+00:00

Yes felt that too. You can take fmla for this reason and get paid while you get your head on straight, go to a gym or get out and hike. I did for 6 months.

Found I needed a little antidepressants to get me out of that darker place.

Been almost 1 year court finalized. We came up with an agreement based upon basic online documentation and had a lawyer finish it after filling in our needs and wants. Maybe offer this to keep it out of the courts.

Tried a fb dating 4 months into and found may people that matched. You will be desired by someone, there are lots of lonely people out there. Just that alone gave me an ego boost. Find other friends support, go to meetups with hikes, lots of people to talk to.

Hang in there I know it is tough now.

Been dating someone for 6 months now and so much happier now. Peace calm good place coming up on 2 years since she handed me the grenade.

I found the power of know by ekhart tolle helped me get a handle on my mind.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-05-13T01:31:27+00:00

Hey bro, first - welcome. And yes, it's debilitating to have this rug ripped out from under you and be treated like you're shit - or worse - nothing. All you can do is compartmentalize the best you can, reach out for help (we're a good starting point), and slowly begin to realize that what you're going through is manageable and temporary.

As for immediate next steps:

you can probably get an extension for the disclosures, not sure how to do it in your jurisdiction but it shouldn't be too hard and hit happens all the time - you're in the discovery phase. Delays are the norm. The easiest way to begin is not with all the line items, but they usually want supporting documents, which are easier to gather. So start small, request some credit card or bank statements. The rest will come a bit easier. You are absolutely not screwed.
what's your support network? family, friends, church, therapist, lawyer? write down a few names and give someone a call. If there's no one, which a lot of us faced, especially when the STBX controlled the social aspects - phone a friend - high school, childhood, something just reach out. Someone will give you a chance to let it out. And you need to.
Keep writing and posting - consider moving to a burner account as social media gets used in almost all cases and this is not information she needs now.

Those are some starting points you can work on. Others will come in with some practical advice also. We got you.

Title	All I see for the future is darkness.
Author	warbul
Upvotes	23
Comments	43
Date	May 13, 2026 1:18 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tbkwli/all_i_see_for_the_future_is_darkness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/all-i-see-for-the-future-is-darkness.1580293 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580293

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