Why the fuck was it me? And how do I not be a pushover?

trp-grasshopper · 2016-01-10T14:58:17+00:00

You're a punching bag because you allow yourself to be a punching bag..

From the sounds of your victim puke, you haven't done so much as draw a line in sand that shouldn't be crossed.. those lines need to be drawn with something way more durable.. i can kick your line in the sand and break it.. but watch me try and break a line you paint with the shit they put on roads..

From what im hearing is that you don't respect yourself enough to set boundaries.. or you have them.. but don't enforce them.. hence the anger and revenge.. its a giant covert contract where you have said to yourself how you expect to be treated.. but have yet to let other people know how you expect to be treated.. and then get angry because they don't follow the rules that you haven't even let them know about..

You will lose "friends" when you start drawing those lines.. but you will minimize the damage by doing it from a self-respect frame, instead of a butthurt anger frame..

TLDR: stop blaming others.. respect yourself enough to set proper personal boundaries.. and realize that you don't need the people who don't respect said boundaries..

bestCallEver · 2016-01-10T16:58:19+00:00

Did you really basically just say "I'm so nice and good why am I not happy?"

That's the whole point of this sub brother! Being nice and good means nothing if you're not looking out for yourself. Go pick up a copy of "No more Mr nice guy" NOW.

frerri · 2016-01-10T14:30:48+00:00

Read the power of now and meditate.

muddynips · 2016-01-10T16:49:09+00:00

That part of you screaming, "WHY?! Why, oh why, did it have to be ME?!" Is the part of you that is a victim. Gotta kill that shit, that is your weakness.

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. The book was written for people experiencing exactly these types of thoughts.

F_Dingo · 2016-01-10T17:41:37+00:00

I could have been that if it werent for my idiot friends and the lack of support.

You need to ditch this mentality, it's negative and blames everyone else for your faults/shortcomings/failures etc

Read "No more Mr.Nice guy," stop being a doormat, take charge and start respecting yourself.

Josewasframed · 2016-01-10T18:14:04+00:00

Shut out the world for a day or two and finish reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. Take that shit to heart.

alphakari · 2016-01-10T19:21:40+00:00

Idk about the other stuff, but at the part about the dude telling you to go to hell.

Don't brag around men. Even if you aren't bragging, unless it's solicited, don't. There are some people who are bros who'll be positive, but all in all I find it leads to a variety of negative images. Also bragging implies you want validation. (Solicitations might be like them asking you how you're doing at the gym, or like you guys are catching up and obviously talking about things you're happy about will bring the mood up, assuming they haven't dropped some bomb about something shit in their lives.)
Even if you aren't bragging, avoid sounding like you're bragging. If you're catching up with someone and you guys are both talking about how you've been doing sure, but no need to wear your successes on your sleeve. They'll reveal themselves on their own. People who are decidedly unsuccessful, as opposed to just not having successes, are not people who need to hear how you're doing in detail if you're doing awesome.
Be more vague about yourself. People don't have to understand you like that. The more someone feels like they fully grasp who you are, the less likely they'll appreciate your presence. Not broody or emo, but just like, talk less. Be less descriptive. No one should learn something about you unless you gain something out of it.

Gelu_sf · 2016-01-10T23:31:02+00:00

Whenever you are offering help to somebody unsolicited you are pointing out a failure in them. Effectively you are telling people that they are stupid. And this only brings enemies.

Stop helping people unless you are above them in social standing, draw lines to unacceptable behavior, enforce them and you'll be golden

Sir_Distic · 2016-01-10T15:41:32+00:00

1st. Stop blaming anyone else. Take responsibility. EVERYTHING in your life, good or bad, is your own fault. With a few rare circumstances beyond your control. -- If you want a good life, go earn it.

2nd. Forget them. Work on yourself. Go lift. Get strong and ripped. Build self confidence. Love yourself. Read the sidebar, you did read the sidebar, right?

3rd. Work harder on your job/college thing. Improve yourself and become successful. People will always envy you and try to tear you down. Be better than them. In fact, be beyond them.

4th. You're a punching bag etc for 2 reasons. You're weak. They know this and take advantage of it. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. You don't love yourself enough to earn respect. the other is because you allow it. Stand up for yourself but not violently. Simply tell them they can respect you or they can go fuck off. And if they won't respect you. Walk away. Always be willing to walk. From "friends" and from women.

5th. You sound really immature. Wanting to "beat up bullies" etc. That comes from being weak emotionally, not loving yourself etc.

Work on improving yourself. Leave these people behind. Real friends will journey with you. Losers will try to drag you down. Don't brag. Don't try to get revenge. Lift weights.

Improve yourself, for YOU. Not to show anyone up, not to beat people up, not to impress women.

solasidore · 2016-01-10T16:12:04+00:00

I try to improve

"do or not do there is no try"

Why

the only one

left

miserable

... Stop the hell victimizing yourself. Via self-pity you put yourself in the position of the weak, that's why

alveoli1 · 2016-01-10T15:28:55+00:00

Stop comparing yourself to others. In fact, stop caring about other people. Don't waste your time thinking about them. It doesn't fucking matter.

Focus only on improving yourself. Set goals and follow them. Compare yourself to how you were a few months ago and make sure you've improved.

You are unhappy because you are constantly comparing yourself to other people.

2016-01-10T18:19:20+00:00

I could have done anything if it weren't for X.

Where X is you.

-The-Pussy-Whisperer · 2016-01-10T21:33:57+00:00

You need to refocus your anger and read up on stoicism

nicethingyoucanthave · 2016-01-10T21:35:36+00:00

Why is this asshole sitting next to me asking for the details of a girl outright where I got fucking beaten up by 8 people for approaching one?

This shows that you severely, SEVERELY misread social situations. It's difficult for people here to help you because you cannot describe something that you are oblivious to. Whatever it was that you did that got you beaten up, that the "asshole" doesn't do - you can't see it, so you can't describe it, so you can't tell us, so we can't help you.

You need to get a friend that can watch you in the real world and give you honest feedback.

2016-01-11T00:03:47+00:00

I used to be that punching bag. Now I fantasize about eating my abusers and train every day to make sure I can do that barehanded. This psychology in guys is the same as in wolf packs, they use the weak one as target practice until it becomes stronger and joins them. Eat your pray or become the shit of a predator.

Title	Why the fuck was it me? And how do I not be a pushover?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	38
Date	January 10, 2016 1:41 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/40bbp7/why_the_fuck_was_it_me_and_how_do_i_not_be_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-the-fuck-was-it-me-and-how-do-i-not-be-a.159061 https://theredarchive.com/post/159061

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