When is divorce the answer?

throwaway_233589 · 2020-08-23T18:43:44+00:00

People have divorced for far less. GTFO now. You’re only 24 and have rights to your kid. Go live your life, you’ve got a second chance, don’t waste it.

pharmd718 · 2020-08-23T19:10:57+00:00

I was married for 10 years with 2 small kids. My wife cheated with my best friend of 30 years who’s married with 3 kids. She gaslighted for years saying they only kissed. I had a PI follow her and film them in my minivan. Last straw was when I put a small video camera in the mini van and they were at it again. I filed for divorce and told my ex best friends wife what happened. This time I knew what they were talking about in the van as well as what they were doing. So she knew she couldn’t gaslight again. We divorced and I have never been happier. My kids are doing well and I am with an amazing woman. As a single man who successful and in my 50’s, I found out that all of a sudden I had many women to pick from. My ex didn’t have it so well. Meeting rejects and having one guy drug and rape her. My only concern now is for the well being of my kids. We have a 50/50 agreement and it’s working well. I also hired a live in nanny to help. Never been happier. It does get better...I promise. I was very depressed at first as well.

TravellingDivorcee · 2020-08-23T19:41:05+00:00

You don't want to leave your marriage prematurely?....get fcuking real dude the bitch cheated on you....3 TIMES !!!

Don't want to be heartless here and of course I understand that you're worried about losing your daughter....this was the reason I stayed in my marriage for so long when it was clearly dead....but cheating? no way...never! That's what happened to me, my wife eventualy cheated after 29 years together....the second I found out about the cheating I was divorced in my head....no going back from that...ever.

And its still hard to deal with but you know what OP?...I have my pride and my integrity ,perhaps its time to restore yours.

GET OUT....now.

Trinity0519 · 2020-08-23T18:43:57+00:00

After 3 times I'd say it's time. But only you can decide.

vector5633 · 2020-08-23T20:31:06+00:00

Dude, she cheated on your 3 times. That right there is more than enough to toss her ass to the curb. The two last things you want are 1) Get and STD from her cheating 2) She gets pregnant by another dude and she tells you it's yours when it's really not.

Don't worry about what your family thinks. They are not living your life, your misery. It's very easy to judge when they are not in your shoes.

Before you leave her, because you should. Get your shit together. Get a good lawyer and make sure you make it loud and clear that you are divorcing her, not your kid. And that you want 50/50 joint custody of your kid. I'm not sure how this will work being that you're in the military, but do whatever you can to be with your kid.

Good luck brother and thank you for your service!👍

DogFashion · 2020-08-23T20:32:12+00:00

Being cheated on is hard enough. When the cheater is your spouse and you have kids together, it's that much more devastating. When you're in the military, which means sending her back to where she came from with your kids, it's even harder. But it happens. At 24 years old, you don't even realize what you deserve. I don't mean that you should feel cocky or entitled... you just have likely not realized your worth as a man. I will tell you without knowing you, you deserve far more than she's given you. Think it over, make a plan. She ain't the woman for you.

Knave7575 · 2020-08-23T21:01:35+00:00

Talk to a lawyer before you get out of the marriage. You need to set things up properly to make sure that you get equal time with your daughter.

That may involve a year of playing pretend. Maybe even longer until you are out of the army. Losing your daughter is a very real possibility.

In the meantime, do as much as possible. YOU bring your daughter to the dentist, YOU talk to the teachers. YOU arrange playdates.

What do single parents do in the army? I don't actually know, I'm seriously asking. Whatever that is, you do it. The point is to show that you can be a parent, and that you do not need the mother at all.

Dudasnomas · 2020-08-23T21:21:43+00:00

Unfortunately for you it won't be the last time she cheats.

heyadudeman · 2020-08-24T01:15:47+00:00

If you are concerned from a religious perspective.. assuming you are speaking of Christianity, infidelity is a supported cause for divorce within the church. It would be a divorce with a biblical basis that your family would understand.

PositivityKnight · 2020-08-23T23:39:41+00:00

you get 1 life mate, you want to spend that on a repeat cheater?

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2020-08-24T01:09:09+00:00

I would suggest talking to a therapist or at minimum clergy from your religious background. I went to 3 Catholic therapists, a retired priest, and 2 secular therapists. All told me to get divorced but the secular ones, who said it was nearly hopeless but they'd take my money as long as I wanted to try.

Brother, one slip, that can be overcome with a lot of work. 3 times, there's a pattern of deception, I'm sorry to say. You can't build a house on a foundation made of sand.

Unfortunately, I know the never-ending misery of a toxic marriage. My buddy's wife was borderline like mine(personality disorder-they create chaos) and he divorced her because he didn't want his daughter to think it was normal to fight all the time, for him to sleep in the living room, have to hide in the bathroom so she couldn't attack him. That's no way to live. If you want to know what it's like to grow up in a dysfunctional, toxic household, and see the damage it causes, there's r/raisedbyborderlines and r/raisedbynarcissists. He re-married a normal woman, has a new family and loves his life. His daughter gets to be part of that when he has her, so there's a safe refuge for her, and he's not completely stressed out of his gourd so he can be a father to her.

Dunno if any of that applies, just to say I'm pulling for you, brother. For me, I had to try 5 therapists, a couples 12 step group, couples counseling, reading a bunch of books about BPD, and talking to other people in the same situation to reach my decision, because the last thing I wanted to do was divorce. Still hate it, but I have to save my life.

Good luck, whatever your decision!

RichterNYR35 · 2020-08-24T05:40:37+00:00

Your question is “when is divorce the answer”

I’ve always felt that there are only two reasons for divorce. Cheating, and abuse. She is cheating. It’s time for a divorce. And I say this, because you resent her. And once you resent your partner, there’s rarely a chance of it going back to you not resenting her. It’s time to leave. You will be in your daughters life if you fight for her. It’s that simple. Even if it means that you only get to see her on spring break, a month in the summertime, and every other Thanksgiving or Christmas. It’s still means you’re in her life. And that’s what’s important.

jimsmythee · 2020-08-24T15:28:47+00:00

She's already cheated 3 times - that you know of. Are you positive that the kid is yours?

But all I can say is get out now. Before she does get pregnant again and then you find out this kid isn't yours.

File for divorce now. The Cavboy2flyboy of 3 years from now will thank you.

KernelMayhem · 2020-08-24T18:39:19+00:00

Matthew 19

1 Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.

2 And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.

3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”

4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who [a]made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’

5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”

8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for [b]sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

10 His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”

Seemedlikefun · 2020-08-25T15:18:36+00:00

What marriage? You don't have a marriage. You have a legal relationship with an abusing manipulative, cheating narcissist. Your relationship needs to be mercifully put down, like a rabid wolf. If you don't, it will continue to spread disease and mayhem until you do.

Glass-Joe-Steagall · 2020-08-25T18:07:49+00:00

Think about this. I know your religious background and potential shame from your family or friends are influencing your decision. But if God said to you personally that divorce was OK in your situation and that it didn't matter what anyone else would think, would you feel relieved? If so, don't hesitate a minute longer.

Title	When is divorce the answer?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	17
Date	August 23, 2020 6:41 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/divorce_men/comments/if8m9d/when-is-divorce-the-answer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-is-divorce-the-answer.1600046 https://theredarchive.com/post/1600046

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