High Value way to let somebody down?

Moira_Spice · 2020-09-05T01:57:47+00:00

Block.

He only reaches you once or twice per year, he's not THAT interested.

WildTenderness · 2020-09-05T01:57:49+00:00

You don't owe him anything. In this case, the most high value thing you can do is take care of yourself first. Block him and don't give him a chance to explain or chat or argue. You owe that to yourself.

NoisyBubbles · 2020-09-05T02:16:15+00:00

Why do you need to let him down if you're not together and you're not talking? Sounds like you want an excuse to be able to talk to him perhaps. Keep him blocked, move on. The fact that you have "history" is reason enough.

Adawritesrules · 2020-09-05T02:14:36+00:00

I feel like you are focusing on the wrong thing. How does spending time on this benefit you?

The HV way to do this is with minimum time and effort spent on it.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not judging or shaming you, I’ve been in your shoes, I really really have. But crying about someone and thinking about them, how to turn them down etc etc, non of this will benefit you and therefore none of it is HV.

2020-09-05T03:01:37+00:00

That’s creepy and will sabotage your growth as a person as well as any future relationships. Block him and go on private. It sounds like you’re making excuses that’s not romantic, it’s creepy. There’s nothing worse than a person who doesn’t respect you enough to leave you be. If he actually cares (which he doesn’t) he wouldn’t put you in a position to be so hurt and confused. Your there for his ego. When men come back it’s to check if you’re still stupid. I have learned that the hard way. Keep it classy. No contact drives them crazy ;)

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-09-05T03:21:27+00:00

I'm telling you this with love...please read the handbook at least the part about not chasing. If he was really interested, you wouldn't be able to get rid of him. And what was he saying exactly? Like "hey" and "wyd?" Just look at the entries we've had over the past week or so. You might find something that will resonate with you and this situation.

And please stop worrying about "being mean"!

4E4ME · 2020-09-05T02:34:09+00:00

I think you can use the phrase in your post - "I wish you well." And then block.

You said yourself that even though he's not a bad person the two of you together are toxic. So no need to prolong the inevitable or allow yourself temptation when you are feeling low. Just block and get it over with.

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-09-05T04:29:41+00:00

“I don’t wish to pursue this connection any further. I wish you the best.”

That’s what I say to people I think are decent people, but the connection isn’t right for me.

Adawritesrules · 2020-09-05T02:02:29+00:00

[deleted]

ListenRare1028 · 2020-09-05T01:50:33+00:00

“I’m sorry, but I have moved on and I’m in a really good place in my life. I am no longer interested in rekindling our relationship or staying in touch whatsoever. I wish you the best in life.”

You owe him nothing more.

daisy_0720 · 2020-09-05T07:25:47+00:00

You're asking the wrong questions. Instead of worrying about the 'right' response to send (who cares?) you need to do some painful personal digging and self reflection and address why it is that you are obsessing so intensely about a person you haven't heard from in a YEAR. This isn't about him. It's about you and what void you're trying to 'fill' with this particular man.

bear_sees_the_car · 2020-09-05T09:59:32+00:00

There was a reason, why it was over in the first place. If you let him in, you will eventually remember it and feel stupid you wasted your time again. On the other hand, meeting him irl may help you with closure, if you will be able to see that he didn't change whatsoever.

Ignoring is the best way, imo, they have nothing to work with and convo cannot continue, but you need to commit to ignoring. This person cannot add value to your life and can only steal attention from some better people, if you let yourself get distracted by him. As they say, men always come back, when they didn't find anything better.

You also need to rethink how is he "not a bad guy", if you had a toxic relationship. You cannot have a toxic relationship with a good person, they will infect you with the good. You cannot get to a point, when it is toxic with such people, imo. The good guy is well-rounded mature man, who acts like adult, has proper self-esteem and respects people around him. A man like that can handle his shit and communicate with their possibly toxic partner enough to not let the toxic begin.

Maybe he wasnt a bad guy, but he isn't good either, or mature enough. Otherwise you wouldn't cry in your car listening to love songs. Do you want to cry some more? You know full well how to let him down, you just dont really want to do it due to your feelings for the good times you had.

Title	High Value way to let somebody down?
Author	Gorgeousgardenia
Upvotes	14
Comments	36
Date	September 5, 2020 1:37 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/imsnna/high_value_way_to_let_somebody_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/high-value-way-to-let-somebody-down.174102 https://theredarchive.com/post/174102

Comments