I can’t stand compliments

eveninghope · 2020-09-04T00:58:21+00:00

Yeah, if a guy starts with something like, "you're pretty" then I know it's not going anywhere.

2020-09-04T01:17:36+00:00

I have heard a lot that receiving is a feminine energy trait. A lot of us are uncomfortable with it though. I used to be and now I am most comfortable receiving. I think maybe in this situation it might be more like you feel like why are they saying it? Are they trying to manipulate you with their words? Maybe it doesn’t feel like they really like you for you. Maybe you would respond better to something unique about you like how you do your eye shadow rather than you have pretty eyes. I would not try to change this and use it as a gut indicator that something feels odd to you

veruscka · 2020-09-04T01:38:45+00:00

I really loathe those compliments as well. I give really thoughtful compliments but rarely receive them. Things like “You’re very sexy”, “You look so cute”, etc make me feel nothing... Like obviously I know they think I’m physically attractive or else they wouldn’t be spending time with me.

ModernDayOracle · 2020-09-04T01:50:16+00:00

Same, girl, same. I love compliments on things I've done - my accomplishments, my achievements and the like. I am turned off by compliments on my appearance, especially if they focus on it - my looks are literally the least interesting thing about me. I find there's a difference, too, between 'hey, I love your hair/makeup!' (something I've put time and effort into) and 'you're pretty!' (something I had no hand in, that was all up to genetics). I know I fit modern beauty standards, I've been told all my life. You're not telling me anything I don't already know, Graham, so bring better game.

hairwashernova · 2020-09-04T02:04:05+00:00

I'm the same way. Compliments makes me uncomfortable. I grew up thinking I was ugly and with people calling me ugly. I spent my teenage years and early 20s covered in sweaters, long sleeved shirts and jeans even in the hot summer months because of it. It wasn't until the past few years that I embraced I am pretty, super cute and very charming. I get attention when I dress up and when I put effort into my looks because I'm usually in sweats, leggings and comfy t-shirts. However, I also know that those traits are not all of whom I am.

When a guy complimented me, I used to go, "Nah, I'm not beautiful at all" or "Please, don't lie, lol" and you know what? Those men started to treat me like I had no self-confidence and had low self-esteem. Basically, an easy mark to prey on when it wasn't true at all. I may be hard on myself but even at my lowest, I knew I loved myself down to the core and I cut guys off the moment they started to criticize my looks.

What I do now is when a guy compliments my looks, I usually go 3 different routes.

1 - I ignore the compliment and greet them like they didn't said anything about my looks or

2 - I say, "Thank you, I know I'm beautiful. How are you?" I don't make it a big deal and I don't gush over some random guy calling me by an adjective because I know I'm all that. This tells a guy that I'm confident in my looks (even at times when I'm not but he doesn't need to know that) and it doesn't phase me at all getting a compliment. Or

3- I ignore the text/guy entirely because most guys who start out by calling you beautiful or gorgeous tend to only focus on that and it's not worth the time or effort to chat with them.

If I do give him a chance and he keeps calling me beautiful/pretty/gorgeous, I usually tell him, "You keep telling me I'm beautiful but I am more than my looks. I'm also funny, smart and kind too." And I divert the conversation into another direction. IF my looks is all he can focus on then I usually end the chat and un-match/block him because then it starts to feel like he's trying too hard and maybe love bombing a little too hard. (I'm not sure if love bombing is the correct choice of words but you get what I mean.)

Take the compliment as it is face value. Don't make a big deal of it, don't focus on it but don't also deny it.

Edited

Verysoftbun · 2020-09-04T02:24:00+00:00

Same and I'm working on it.

On the one hand I think some people are genuine and I do eventually want a partner who complements me, so I really have to learn to manage my feelings about it. On the other hand, a lot of people do it to butter you up to get something.

IntrepidStorage · 2020-09-04T06:17:37+00:00

If he doesn't know you well enough to compliment you, it's empty. Only the most superficial of compliments can even be true. The other good reason to hate compliments is when the fellow is talking about how you make them feel. That isn't a compliment. Often it's both reasons - "you're beautiful" is superficial as fuck, and also they clearly care too much about how your appearance makes them feel.

As a side note, I'm fucking stunning - I'm a total 20/10 - but I've gotten more "you're smart" and "that's very impressive" (referring to my career) than appearance-based compliments. Usually prior to date 1 even. I've since learned to drop those guys too, because they're demonstrating a ridiculous inferiority complex and that just gets really old really quickly. [Note this is old data. I was later married and now I'm just not dating. But I don't think men have changed all that much.]

CassieGreen85 · 2020-09-04T07:56:53+00:00

The only people I gladly accept compliments about my appearance are other women. Like they're the ones who note whether I'm using a particularly unique bag, if my hair got a treatment....

Sticth · 2020-09-04T17:03:22+00:00

Thank you for everyone’s opinions I’m glad I now know that it’s not just me that feels that way and I’ll bare everyone’s advice in mind

Title	I can’t stand compliments
Author	Sticth
Upvotes	35
Comments	13
Date	September 3, 2020 11:18 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/im4lgk/i_cant_stand_compliments/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-cant-stand-compliments.174284 https://theredarchive.com/post/174284

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