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Found a diary entry from my now girlfriend from before we fucked, need help wrapping my head around this. I'm totally and utterly confused. Need the wisdom of more experienced men.

[deleted]

December 17, 2016

24 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	Found a diary entry from my now girlfriend from before we fucked, need help wrapping my head around this. I'm totally and utterly confused. Need the wisdom of more experienced men.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	24
Comments	74
Date	December 17, 2016 2:09 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5is6zk/found_a_diary_entry_from_my_now_girlfriend_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/found-a-diary-entry-from-my-now-girlfriend-from.182634 https://theredarchive.com/post/182634

Comments

[–]Spidertech500 21 points21 points21 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Mecha7523 points24 points25 points 9 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]raisins3142 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]plenty_of_eesh0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]raisins3142 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]raisins3142 22 points23 points24 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]Gawernator5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]LonelyDeplorable 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Cunt_Robber0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]raisins3142 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points1 points 9 years ago | Copy Link

[–]raisins3142 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Okay, if this isn't fake, then it's real bad. You need to fucking bail. If shit is so bad that people on the internet think it must be fake, then that's bad.

She is refraining from sex with you and doesn't find you attractive, but had casual sex after meeting you.

The writing is on the wall. She's either using you/playing games or is especially nuts.

Listen, when I was your age, I used to think every girl I dated or gave me physical affection was the next great thing. I would fight hard to not let this illusion get trampled, despite the evidence and my feelings. I think you are doing that now. I look back and want to slap myself. Learn from the collective experience here.

No one here has a reason to lie to you or want to hurt you, at least I don't. Take the general thrust of our comments seriously.

[–]Cunt_Robber0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Trail_of_Jeers8 points9 points10 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]raisins3142 19 points20 points21 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang14 points15 points16 points 9 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

I think this female is mentally ill, but in all the best ways. You learn to spot this vibe... Completely different woman, but the vibe's always the exact same. It's a kind of grand and almost magical-seeming self centeredness, everything is always about her, in relation to her, and happens with or for her. It sucks you right in, you want to be part of the magic, very intoxicating. All women are self centered to a degree, but this type takes it to a whole new level. Now someone with experience w/ those girls will read a post like yours and all they can think of is "isn't that my one ex this dude is seeing"? You will never "understand" her, because there's nothing to understand - it's an extremely manipulative BPD bitch. You will probably keep wanting to reach "the true person" under all the melodrama, but this is very wrong headed. She IS the melodrama, there is no true person underneath anything there. Her "true self" is in a stunted larval stage, like those dried up fetuses witches supposedly hide around their house so it can come alive on the full moon and do her bidding. Needless to say, you can't "bring it out" or "heal it" by any noble loving efforts. She is USING it already, in an unholy way, and gives her power, especially over men. Wanting to understand why everything has to be so fucking melodramatic is a big part of how she (deliberately) drives you crazy. They're also called "Devil's Daughters", you can look up IllimitableMan's seminal article on them via sidebar.

Got your hands full of crazy.

If you don't know what you're doing, you will get wrecked in every way with her. And even if you do know the BPD textbook, you still might. But then again, rollercoaster ride is amazing, and you do make her want to paint more.

[–]tekende2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]raisins3142 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]tekende0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Retspihi 24 points25 points26 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Gawernator8 points9 points10 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]TheRedStoic1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]BeliefEditor 7 points7 points7 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Women often classify men (or their relationships with them) in two categories:

a) Just dick

b) Dick + "love/feelings/enamourment/pair-bonding/emotional investment"

(There's other categories like "pair-bonding" {i.e. Beta provider} without the sex, and maybe others, but they're irrelevant to this analysis).

"Just dick" is what the name implies. Like eating a burger, you don't get to know the cook or the cashier; you're in and you're out. No significant bond with the person is created or sustained.

Option b is different. When a woman begins a relationship with a man who she perceives as belonging to this category, she feels like she is making a part of herself "vulnerable", if you will. She invests her emotions. It feels to her like she is giving a piece of her soul to you. And it scares her to think that what she built up with you might come crumbling down because it will crush that piece of her.

Slut shaming hasn't really disappeared from our culture yet. Women know that the average (immature) attitude toward her having sex with you early on is that she's a slut (a mentality that I think is stupid and illogical, but that's beside the point). She knows that one of the possible outcomes of having sex with you early (even though she's dying to do it) is that you will perceive her as a slut and you won't give a shit about her and won't want to create that magical relationship that she's writing about in her diary.

Edit: I should also add that having had sex with the black guy isn't really the slap in the face that it probably feels to you like it is. The men in the "just dick" category are really irrelevant as a person to women. Just like a man daydreams about banging a bunch of hoes (not resulting in a meaningful bond with them as a person), women often get dick from guys that they don't give a shit about.

I know it feels stupid or illogical on the surface (If she cares about me way more than the random guy she slept with, why the hell did she put out for him and not for me!? That's the ultimate sign of disrespect! She gives him access and I get the scraps, wtf!) Yes, you're not understanding this because you're looking at the situation from the eyes of a man. Put yourself in the shoes of a female homo sapiens for a moment. Women don't have 1 unified sexual strategy, they have two: One is dick and the other is pair-bonding. Sometimes they're both fulfilled by the same man (many women see this as the ideal: both a Chad and a provider), and sometimes (often) she has the beta provider secured at home while she sees Tyrone the dick provider behind your back.

It sounds like she perceives you as someone who could fulfill both of her needs, and she's so scared of losing the good part (the rare and valuable part) which is you being an awesome man, valuable as a person, that she's willing to not sleep with you because she doesn't want to risk being a slut in your eyes and having you not want her anymore. So, as you can see, her fucking Tyrone is not an insult to you! She's just so used to dick being so easy to get that it means nothing to her. The one she really wants is yours.

[–]HectorHerisson 7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]BeliefEditor1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]raisins3142 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]BeliefEditor -1 points-1 points-1 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Did you read her diary entries? This chick clearly can't stop thinking about OP.

I'm saying: Maybe the reason she didn't put out is because she's so into you that she's afraid you might think of her as a slut and you won't want her anymore.

Blasphemy! What a whore apologist I must be to suggest this. Clearly her real agenda is nothing but lies and manipulation, she's out to get OP. He missed the other entry in her journal in which she explains her plot to bring him to ruin through mind games and deception.

No, it's much simpler than that. Women are shamed for having sex. Period. You're doing it right now. That's why they're so chicken about having it with certain dudes. But then when they do have it with other dudes, they get shamed for it, and on top of that they get shamed for being "deceitful" to the dude she didn't sleep with.

It's always the same for women: Damned if you do, damned if you don't. It's always shaming them, shaming them, shaming them, shaming them. Maybe at one point she's gonna start feeling not entirely safe and happy-go-lucky about letting herself relax and let go and just do the deed. Oh, what is this? You're putting out for him and not me? Shame on you. More and more and more shame.

What do you expect?

[–]raisins3142 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]BeliefEditor1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]HectorHerisson 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]BeliefEditor1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Yes, yes. I know what you're saying is a good understanding of reality, but you're only analyzing one type of dynamic where a woman has sex with a man: the one where it's all a game.

Of course women do all the things you say, we all know that. But that happens when they are in the mentality of "just having fun". There's another mental state which is more serious than that. When a woman is in love with a man that's a whole other story.

And no, being infatuated with the dick that makes her cum buckets is not the same thing as her being in love. One is sexual excitement and the other is an introspection that makes her put her "heart" in your hands, if you will. She entrusts you with a piece of her soul.

When women are running around slutting it up and having fun, they couldn't care less about hopping on the carousel, but when they're dealing with being in love with someone, it's not a game anymore, it's serious to them. When that kind of a relationship backfires, it can make her cry for months.

What do you think romance is? Why do you think it's the most sold book genre in the world? Have you ever been at the movies when a love film was ending in a certain screening room and seen all the women coming out? Why are they all red in the face and sniffling and walking to the restroom to wipe off their mascara? What could be so emotionally powerful to them that it makes them react that way? Why do you think poets exist? Why do you think OP's girl expresses herself in those flowery terms? Why do you think she loves art? Do you think it's all an act, that feelings aren't real?

Maybe you don't necessarily agree with inviting this line of thinking into your reality or implementing it into your model of how things work, but you can't deny that those feelings in women (and many men) exist. And you might want to ask yourself: do you think a woman will ever find that kind of profoundity in being Joe Gymbro's plate?

There's more to life than just sex.

[–]tekende0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]BeliefEditor 1 points1 points1 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]tekende0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]mewtwokillsarceus1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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