Since my break-up over a year ago my world came crashing down.

MattyAnon · 2016-04-14T17:30:52+00:00

clingy and jealous... worthless, hopeless, and sad.

In a way she's right. The problem is you need her, and you suffer without her. That means she's better than you, she can do better, and you can't. That's hypergamic catnip right there.

Your misery after the breakup is just proving her right.

Start living your own life, for YOU. Do what YOU want to do. Not for women, not as a subtle way to get women, but for YOU, by YOUR values.

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-04-14T21:20:54+00:00

I have the exact opposite. I basically forgot almost everything about my last LTR, can't even picture her face but I believe she was a tiny bit fat. Everyday I wake up I thank the lord that I got out of that hellhole quickly and I was spared endless years of BPD drama.

The very idea of a relationship that lasts longer than 12 months is pure horror. I can barely stomach half a year without fucking at least one other woman on the side. The moment I know I'm fucked is when I get included in tags on Facebook. I get panic attacks when she starts adding pictures of me on her Instagram. Usually I need thirteen beers and a hug from one of my heterosexual friends to calm down- telling me it's gonna be okay.

I really love dating girls and the entire honeymoon (a.k.a constant sex and female servitude) phase. Things are easy going, no one puts a label on it. You just go with the flow and live by the moment. But they always ruin it when I get the relationship speech. I tell them that "my feelings are slow" but this stops working after 3 months.

Anniversaries, valentines, birthdays, holidays, summer trips- I dread all of them and constantly feel like I need to jump through hoops to avoid the girl that day. Then comes the crying and dramatic confession of eternal love which send me running for the hills. There's nothing worse than a girl loving you in an LTR man- it means the fun is over and the obligations have started.

If I were you I'd start looking at things through a more colored lens- the bright side of life. You haven't realized this yet but you are living on cloud-9. The worlds your oyster and you can do whatever the fuck you want without receiving sappy text messages with 120+ characters that you gotta wade through.

Pick up a religion and start thanking your deity on a daily basis. Because this is the beginning of a great life, don't ruin it by committing again.

vorverk · 2016-04-14T21:26:02+00:00

Dude, I was 34 when I was at the lowest point. And it was way lower than yours. Now I'm 36 and life is fantastic. 12 yeas younger girls inviting me for quickies during lunch, which I have to cancel because of my busy schedule, which I love. Ex is just a vague memory of how low I once was. You're just getting started. Best days of your life are yet to come. The trick is not to give up. You learn and grow from picking yourself out of mud. So grow some balls, quit whining and get yourself out. Nobody else can save you but yourself.

jsalathe · 2016-04-14T22:12:27+00:00

Saddest point in my life was for a few years after my fiancé cheated on me, my dad was dying of Alzheimer's and I was starting to remember the many sadistic ways my mom had abused me as a child. I lost all my money, got felony charges for drug possession and fell deeply in to debt, whereas I had over $1 million in assets a year earlier. It was hard, I felt homicidal and suicidal. I really thought it couldn't get any worse.

Fast forward a few years to the birth of my first son with a better woman. Complications in his birth led to 2 weeks of NICU featuring heart/lung bypass and a prognosis of moderate to severe brain damage. This was the hardest point in my life.

Fast forward to now, my son made a full recovery, no more asthma, perfect brain and friendly. We also had a daughter who is beatiful and sweet. I have well over a million in assets and travel a lot with tons of free time and a loving wife.

The point is, life is long with many ups and downs. It feels like you will never get over it, but you have the power to change your circumstances.

Take everyone's advice and focus solely on yourself. Once you have legitimately become a better man, you will attract a better woman who respects you. Until then, exercise, work, save, socialize and expand your horizons. If you need sex, masturbate or hire a hooker. If you need a relationship, you need to work on you until you are comfortable alone. There are no tricks or shortcuts.

JonMan219 · 2016-04-14T17:32:56+00:00

Nah you just had a girl. They really are pretty much the same. You really need to change your focus away from loss, which is a want, into gratitude. So that you can allow yourself to move on to a new experience.

Start working on building new habits. You can build one or two at a time and it will take one to two months of dedication to ingraine into part of your routine.

Since you are still in the throes of ONEitis, which can be really rough, my suggestion for your first two habits is to work on changing your initial thought. By catching yourself every time you think about loss or wanting something you no longer have, and literally forcing yourself to think, "I'm glad for that experience. Thank you self for having that experience."

Who cares if you believe it or not. Your going to be trying to deliberately change your initial thought from one of, "look at what I have lost" and into "thank you self, you're fucking awesome, for having given me these experiences".

I have a white board in my room to keep myself thinking about and tracking how I'm meeting my goals. You could do this as well. And write down on it, "thank you self for my awesome experiences". And sure at first you won't be able to think it enough. Because your brain is all wired around hating your loss and feeling it constantly. Just do your best, every day, and work at it. For two months.

The other thing you need to do is to give your body some exercise. Some walking outside somewhere or if you have a dog going on a hike or hell learn geocaching. It's awesome and a great first date as well. It will get you walking around outside some often. Set goals. Write them down. As you pull out of this funk you should set lifting as a goal. To get the hormones and endorphins.

Just start with these two things. Write them down. Track them. Make yourself think happy things about your goals. Hell yes look at me I'm accomplishing shit. I'm not dead. And feel good about that.

Tiway22 · 2016-04-14T19:35:49+00:00

You need to work on yourself. These thoughts are not good. Make new friends, find new hobbies, and make sure to exercise and eat well.

I think some coed sport teams would do you well. The key to a good life is to like yourself. When you like yourself you will live a better life, and others will like you more.

Good luck man you're going to be totally fine. It's not the end of the world and you will date many more girls.

[deleted] · 2016-04-14T22:43:56+00:00

Holding a 10 pound weight above your head is no problem for you right? Me neither. I can hold it there for 30 minutes but then my body starts to ache. I can keep holding it up but the longer I do the more I will suffer. Your problem is just like a weight. You are clinging onto it and it is just making you ache and suffer all over. You need to drop that shit right on the floor.

machimus · 2016-04-14T17:21:42+00:00

I'm scared that if I run into her with another guy that I'm going to run home and blow my brains out. I hate living, I hate myself, I hate everything. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm living in fear and anxiety everyday.

Please don't recommend therapy

Okay...I think we're done here.

plasticslug · 2016-04-14T17:28:01+00:00

Most macho trp guys here won't say this but it often takes 2x the time you dated to get over your first love.

That is going to put you in the 5-8 year recovery... Yes it sounds fucked up, yes you fuck a girl tomorrow or spin some plates this week but emotionally is going to take some serious healing time.

This is basically your first divorce, don't be so hard on your self, learn from it, improve and grow. But yes if you are looking to drop all those emotions at a drop of a hat is not going to happen.

MeatCurtainRod · 2016-04-14T17:25:20+00:00

The problem with you is that you defined yourself through another person. This is a big fallacy for obvious reasons which I hope you see now. What you are lacking in life are real achievements. And NO, if you think that getting another girl is an achievement, you are just repeating your mistake.

Make something of yourself. Plain and simple. Be a man, and get shit done. Occupy your time with goals and plans to complete said goals. THOSE are real achievements, not some pussy on a pedestal.

EssexMum · 2016-04-14T17:35:38+00:00

You do need help and you are at least recognising that you're not thinking rationally. Keep talking. Talking helps. It's ok. Everyone here can listen.

[deleted] · 2016-04-14T18:50:37+00:00

It takes half the time of the relationship to get over it as a rule of thumb. Lifting, meditating, fucking other girls etc all make a difference in how long it takes.

[deleted] · 2016-04-15T02:36:38+00:00

"I'm living in fear and anxiety everyday."

Holy shit, find your balls.

Niess · 2016-04-14T22:18:41+00:00

You need guy friends, not like this fake TRP bullshit but actual guy friends... go make guy friends.

stonefit · 2016-04-14T21:25:43+00:00

Maybe you're craving dick and just don't know it. Because you certainly sound like a pussy.

Title	Since my break-up over a year ago my world came crashing down.
Author	JonMan219
Upvotes	11
Comments	42
Date	April 14, 2016 5:03 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4es4mt/since_my_breakup_over_a_year_ago_my_world_came/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/since-my-break-up-over-a-year-ago-my-world-came.186087 https://theredarchive.com/post/186087

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