Hello TRP,

I'm in a really difficult part of my life and I need thoughts and advice. Im 22, my wife is 23, and we have a son who is a year and a half. I've known my wife since I was 16, when we started dating, and she is the only person I have been with. I am not her first boyfriend, nor was she a virgin when I met her, and she is a constant guy magnet and an unhelpable flirt.

(Scroll down to the other parentheses if you dont want to read it all)

This flirtation has become a rather big issue for our marriage (which began in our second year of being together), and I have caught her numerous times flirting online with guys and sending them nudes and professing deep love while spouting my neglect of her. I wont comment on my neglect as false, but I will say that I worked alot during those times and necessarily had less time for her and the time we did have was together. She even cheated on me during the first year of our relationship, because she was living with her mom in a different country at that time (after 8 months together, her mom moved to mexico and then took my then girlfriend with her). She said she needed sex and it was nothing, and me being the White Knight believed her and stayed. I wasnt ready to be single anyways, it would have been worse for me had I left her then I think.

I was in the navy during the next 2 years after she left and finally got out by her wishes, actually in a very stupid way but I got out with an honorable discharge. I ended up getting out because I was so emotionally attached to her and she was constantly berating and belittling me because of us being separated. Her flirting became a weapon to threaten me and she constantly spoke of leaving me. For my part, I was supposed to do her paperwork, but every bit of free money I ended up sending to her for random things she said she needed or there was always an emergency. I was stupid to feed this habit, and worse: I had to borrow money to visit her every six months for leave because I sent all my money instead of saving it!

I ended up getting out, and stayed on unemployment for 9 months because she rathered me home than working. In the interim of waiting for unemployment to kick in, she shamed me constantly for having no money and no work. Remember, she wanted me to get out. I started living in Tijuana because we still never had money for her papers.

The reason I left unemployment and got a job is actually because we decided to have our son and unemployment became sequestered as well. I was really glad to start working again, and I loved getting overtime as well, but eventually this went bad as well because she felt abandoned because I worked so long and on saturdays.

She ended up flirting with the mailman, and to this day I have no idea what happened from that. I think she slept with him, then ditched him because he didnt make much money and had an ex-wife. Basically, she was scared away because he wanted to get stable and that would make her poor. I ended up leaving my job due to the stress of my wife and the long hours and very little sleep.

Again the shaming began and I got tired of it and left one day. I went to be with my family in Sacramento and got a job near there doing a cool job that I enjoyed. I ended up being pulled back into the relationship with her early on, like a week after leaving, mostly because of my son. I ended up having to quit after 6 months because my wife threatened to leave again and this time was talking about living with another man who said he would fly there and be with her. I left my job and went there, and the guy basically changed his mind anyways so she stayed with me.

(Start here if you dont want to read the background stuff)

I am now in this latest stage of our relationship, where I found, to my extreme luck, an even better job than the one in Sacramento. Stupid me, I actually became turned on by the idea of being cuckolded and ENCOURAGED her to talk to that same guy because he turns her on. How could I be so damn stupid? They talk about sex and send nudes to each other, and yet I believed her that she is just fulfilling my fantasy. She is with her mom for a vacation for 3 months (one month left), and she wants him to come down and fuck her while I watch our son when he comes back.

This actually turned me on before. How messed up is that?? I can see through her now, but I know in her mind she really does love me. I just know that since he has more money, more muscles, and is more stable, she will leave me and magically stop loving me anymore. And then blame me for putting her in this position. I want to leave her. I finally see my own value as a person, and I see the things she does and her inability to recognize her flaws and work on them. I see how I can never escape the money trap, the guilt trap, and the cuckolding that she has become used to as everyday life.

I dont think she is a bad person, just that she is completely blind to these things. She is a great mom, and a nice person to everyone. But being nice doesnt mean being warm, and she has severe anger and will turn cold very quickly.

I want to leave her. I dont want to be trapped in being the same kid I was 4 years ago, that same kid that quit the navy and two promising jobs, that squandered his savings at the whim of a woman who couldnt even list her weekly expenses without becoming mad at the suggestion. That is what life with her will mean....but also I have a son, who i love more than anything. I want to know that even if I leave her I can still be a part of his life. What should I do? What experience do you guys have in this sort of situation? Ps. Mexico law for alimony/child support would likely be about 800 a month, but I plan to pay 1100 so that all her bills are payed and she can focus on my son. I still have lots of savings while paying this, i made sure of it.