Lurking for 4-5 months. My first post. 48. Married 10 years. 2 kids.

Arrived at this place in an unusual way. I was not dealing with a dead bedroom. I was not unhappy with my marriage. I’ve been blessed with a very good woman and terrific kids. Perhaps that’s because I’ve always been a mix of Alpha and Beta. That said, this place has opened my eyes to the fact that I was a hell of a lot more beta than I ever would have thought. Was also surprised to discover that I had some definite Mr. Nice Guy tendencies. I thought I was crushing it… realized I had and have a shit ton of work to do.

My wife and I have a good marriage but there were some issues. The biggest one for me was I hated the way we would fight. When we had disagreements they would escalate to the point where we would both give each other the silent treatment. It could last for days. It was toxic. Also a major pain in the ass if one of them happened on a vacation or just before a fun night out or before a planned fun weekend with the kids.

Over a year ago, I started searching online for a better way for us to handle disputes. I stumbled across a website called Taken In Hand. It’s a domestic discipline site. Basically, it’s delivers some similar messages as MRP – the man needs to be alpha. The man needs to be the head of the household. But he can’t just be domineering. He needs to demonstrate that he is worthy of being the HOH. This was my first introduction to owning your shit. There is also an erotic/discipline spanking component to this philosophy.

I started to walk down this path. Incredible results as I started to own my shit and really take charge around the house with a positive attitude. I was fortunate in that I have always been alpha-leaning and I enjoy being in charge. Foolishly, over the years I allowed myself to be conditioned by a society that told me everything should be fair. If I cooked, then she should clean. If I made the bed today, she should make it tomorrow. What nonsense. I threw that crap out immediately and just started following my natural instincts. I love being a leader so I lead. I don’t mind having more on my plate so I just started loading up.

Our happy home was much much happier.

So I went further down the rabbit hole, which led me to discover Dominant/submissive relationships. This is where things got really fun. We always had a good sex life in that we had sex regularly, about 3-5 times a week. Again, I’ve always been naturally dominant in bed and she’s naturally submissive but… I was definitely holding back. I would want to be respectful, considerate, and not have her think I am some awful macho douche. I didn’t realize it at the time but I was only expressing a fraction of myself. Dominant is who I am so some of it would show itself but just a sliver. Once I embraced our natural D/s tendencies our sex life went through the roof. I wish I had known about Sex God Method before because it would have made it go more quickly. Basically I wrote my own version of SGM by studying and practicing D/s.

Researching D/s led me to MRP. What a discovery. Took it all to another level. Finally everything that I sensed in my gut about women was explained and it made perfect sense. Men and women work best together in this dynamic.

GREATEST TAKEAWAYS FROM MRP:

  1. LIFT. This was huge for me. I had improved so much as a husband, father, leader when I went Dom in my marriage but I was missing this key ingredient. I had the top position by dint of leadership and force of will but learning about SMV and what women really respond to was an eye opener. Lifting has improved everything. I’ve never looked better. Never been in better shape. Wife now feels my muscles, rubs my ass with delight as she passes me. I always did well with women but stopped getting looks on the street as I entered my late forties and nobody ever rubbed my non-existent muscles. Now looks are coming back. In the past IOI were because of my face and looking fit in clothing even though there were never any muscles underneath. Now IOI’s are coming because of posture and some muscle tone. I still have a long way to go to be where I want to be but that’s a great thing – it’s something to work toward. I love a good project. 4 months progress in the gym: Started: 5’11’ 190lbs. 27% bf Never really lifted before. Today: 175 lbs 22% bf . Want to get to 15% while continuing to gain muscle if possible.

  2. FRAME. Never heard of this before. Never heard of shit tests before. Game changing information. STFU is one of the greatest gifts to mankind. Constantly thinking to myself… any word out of your mouth right now is just throwing a log on the fire. I had made so many improvements to our relationship during D/s that I couldn’t understand why she was still giving shit sometimes when I knew she was so much happier than ever before. Shit tests explained it all. They will always shit test. Not their fault. Nothing wrong with it. You have to demonstrate to them every day that when the lions storm the cave, you are the best caveman for the job. Turn into drunk captain and she will be eyeballing a replacement lickity split.

WHAT I NEED TO WORK ON?

  1. Getting butt hurt. I am way too obvious still when I am irritated about something. For me it’s not usually a reaction to being denied sex. It’s the day to day things. It’s the shit test. It’s when I’m tired or worn out from the kids. I have to spend more time practicing fogging AA and AM. Must improve in this area. Only upside is I now recognize when I’m acting butt hurt and see it as weak. In the past, I’m embarrassed to admit I would indulge in being butt hurt. Sort of got off on being the pissy one around the house. She had to walk on egg shells around me. Disgusting and embarrassing. Got us nowhere. Would lead to silent treatments and lost days. That does not happen anymore.

  2. By outward appearances, I seem very much in command of our relationship and our household. But deep down, I know that I’m still afraid of her reactions. I need to improve my OI. I still catch myself factoring in what she will say or how she will react before I make a decision. I have completely taken over the role of being the one who makes the decisions in our house and she is on board with this. Loves it. But I still catch myself trying to make the “right” decision… by that I mean, the one that I know she wants. Need to work on making the decision I want regardless of how she will feel about it and just own it afterward.

  3. Still looking for attaboys. One of the things I love about MRP is its emphasis on taking care of your shit. Laundry needs to be done, do it. Dishes in the sink, clean them. Make the bed. Change the light bulb. Take out the trash. Have an emergency plan. All of that stuff is gold. Makes me feel better every time I handle something. That said, if I’m completely honest, a part of me is still looking for a pat on the back. I catch myself wanting her to notice that I cleaned all the pots and pans. Not really a covert contract in my case but more like looking for Mommy’s approval. Have to get past that. Must be more OI.

  4. Lift. Lift. Lift. Without any doubt lifting is the not just the cornerstone but the whole damn foundation of this thing. I was never a gym guy. Was always athletic and always in pretty good shape so I could get away with it. Not so in the last 10 years as I started to morph into dadbod. I’ve seen nice results these past 4 months that I’ve been lifting. I’m doing Strong Lifts and started with just the empty bar. Was mortified the first day in there. Now I’m a regular but I need to work on being more consistent. I have been pretty good but have skipped some days. Need to lock it in. Funny thing about the gym, everyone feels better after they’ve gone, and everybody knows they will feel better if they go… and yet still, some days, it is such a chore to push myself to get off my ass and get on that iron. Not sure why that is but it’s something I have to continually work on.

Can’t wait to see where this journey takes me next.

Thanks to all you contributors. Incredible work.

EDIT: some typos